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I am 30, have no boyfriend, no friends, no job, no home, nothing I want.
A month ago I had just reached a point where I was happy, after many efforts and difficulties to get there, I had the life I wanted and my dream was about to come true. Then it all got taken away because of a break up which implied my move across the world. Now I am desperately unhappy and hopeless about my life. I seem to have lost the ability to want or do anything and feel nothing but pain and sadness.
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Things can only get better from here. Was there any way you could have travelled with the person who had to move? How about starting some training to get you moving towards getting work then use that as a platform to get the rest of your world sorted out? Of course my advice could be bad as I don’t know anything about you and how you feel about your situation. Is there any way you could learn from this experience to help you in your life.
life is short and to live unhappy should not be an option. I always find the positive which in your case is you don’t have little things holding you back to changing your life around, the focus can be solely on you. Get a job, any job, it always easier to get a job after you have one so you can always keep looking for better. I am 31 with 3 kids and have started over more than once. You can do it. you are more than welcome to add me to your friends list and shout at me anytime. It is time to stop looking at the negative, pick yourself up and dust yourself off, start living your life
The person that had to move was me because I was the one who moved in the first place to be in the relationship. The problem is I felt that the world I had to leave was THE right place for me, the BEST life I could have. So anything else just feels like second best and i don’t want any of it because of that! People tell me you have a chance to start over again but why would I want to start over again when I had found the best? By definition it can never be better, only worse. Also it was very difficult to get to that point where I was finally going to be happy, I had to go through all the bad and never got any of the good in return. I literally had to leave just as the hard work was over and the fun bit was about to start. This leaves me with a huge sense of regret and waste and without the will to try again. What’s the point if it all gets taken away from you anyway just as it’s about to be finally right?! I have tried over and over and look where I am!! :(
Now I am desperately unhappy and hopeless about my life.
I was just listening to this nice song called ‘hopeless’ http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=1grPIEn…
I’m not sure how helpful that may be, but it does sound nice, it is interesting that hopelessness can be so inspiring.
Anonymous edited this post 4 years, 11 months ago. Read the previous text »
I am 30, have no boyfriend, no friends, no job, no home, nothing I want. A month ago I had just reached a point where I was happy, after many efforts and difficulties to get there, I had the life I wanted and my dream was about to come true. Then it all got taken away because of a break up which implied a move across the world. Now I am desperately unhappy and hopeless about my life.
What is often perceived to be the best can be bettered!
Yes but what do you if deep inside you you believe stronger than anything that it can’t? How do you settle for less than the best when you know the best is there and you could have had it?
Be the change you wish to u see. If you can think of a small step you can take to improving your situation maybe visiting a job centre, joining a local group which can offer some support, or just thinking about what you could do/what you want to do and starting a simple step towards it….then no matter how small it is, taking that step is a big deal.
Today we are surrounded by success stories, and the media sets the bar so high for standards of living. Often whats important to remember is that YOU ARE VALUABLE and you have a special gift or talent that can help you get somewhere new.
Often through going through a painful expereince you learn how to cope, in a way which people who dont fall down will never master or appreciate, and that itself is a gift.
I failed my degree and have been unemployed, but I started volunteering at a local charity, and I found that I met new people who shared experience with me, and I could build skills that prepared me to start working again. It was also good to meet new people every few weeks to talk to, so I felt less alone. My friends are all very sucessful and eventually we stopped meeting up, as there was less and less to talk to. deep down they are still my freinds but its hard now as there is nothing in common, and they dont understand my situation. I also have no boyfriend, and no one to talk to or support me daily which I find really hard. However, I know that if I want to I can open up, and change small areas of my life bit by bit, and I try to do this each day. Some times I fall again, and make terrible mistakes, or I get stuck (lack of support) but I give myself a break and try again.
Good luck and make it happen!! Make your dreams come true!!
Hello know how you feel. I also went through a bad break and haven’t quite been able to get back on my feet.
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Hi! I see you’ve written that post 13 mths ago; are things any better these days? I hope so!!
I am in similar situation & don’t know what to do :o(
im lost in my life
I want to die too, but, I don’t want to be a ghost
Hi Lutizinh! I read your post and was moved to write what I am about to write….I too am in similar situation only I am 25,no job,no degree,no boyfriend,no money,I can’t even afford a 1.00 drink at the gas station…I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder at the age of 24 and went through a year’s worth of therapy to help me to learn to cope instead of letting my emotions derail me in life…one thing we learned in group was about radical acceptance. We must first radically accept what is, and then and only then can we move forward with the grieving process and then onto a fuller richer life…Keep in mind, radical acceptance ( which I am really having to practice right now, and I have alot of talents and am an attractive girl…not to sound conceited…my life is just kind of ****** right now…)but anyways keep in mind that radical acceptance doesn’t mean that you have to approve of what has happened, it doesn’t mean that you are condoning it in any way,but rather you are accepting the fact that it happened and turning your mind over to willingness instead of being willful and sitting on your hands….turn your mind over and over and over again to the path of accepting reality and doing just what is needed in the next moment, just this one task….whatever that may be….For me, ( for example) it is doing my laundry tommorow and focusing all of my energy on that one task at hand…it could be as simple as that…or it maybe it might be a phone call or the act of radically accepting….what is one simple task that you could focus on next?? ( not worrying about tommorow or the past,but rather focusing all of your energy on being willing to do just what is needed in the next moment)….it is okay to cheerlead yourself too…”You can stand this” “You will make it out of this”, and remember we can’t predict the future, you never know what opportunities lie waiting for you or what miracle lies around the corner, but the most important thing is to accept what has happened and focus on the next simple task at hand, being completely mindful of the moment….lots of love and light I am sending your way…
Thank you this was a great post,as I am bpd also. I am going into treatment. It is awesome that there is a life to look forward to.
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