Well how do you feel about it and how do they feel about it?
Happy… And he saw everything that happened with me ex, so he knows the situation. He is there for me emotionally and is one of my best friends. He really cares for me too and he loves me kids.
Your going to make it nearly impossible for the father to see his kids. I think you should look for support elsewhere or the kids may never get to see their real dad. Did he abandon you or did it go sour?
If he left you then he deserves to be reminded what he has lost and deserves to lose his best friend - possibly. If you decided you prefferred his best friend then I think your being selfish - sorry if it isn’t what you want to hear. I think your kids should have the right to see their dad. You deserve happiness too and love but it will be really hard for your X to see you two together and he might resent the kids if they call him dad. You are the best judge of what is right…Try to put your kids first is all I am trying to say.
Everything went sour and bad. I tried over and over to make it work with mykids father, but we couldn’t work things out. He still sees the kids only because I make the effort for them to go up to him. He doesn’t even give me gas money or meet me half way. I provide completly for my kids by myself.
k4kieron wrote:
Your going to make it nearly impossible for the father to see his kids. I think you should look for support elsewhere or the kids may never get to see their real dad. Did he abandon you or did it go sour?
i dont agree he can still see his kids asuming he dose not have custady of them he dose not have to see any of them to see his kids they can have a go between or use a contact center
i dont think there is any thing wrong with it as long as the kids have full acess to seen there dad it took two of you to make them so should be 2 to rais them it woul be unfair on them if the missed out on there dad and would probily resent you and your bf later in life
My suggestion is keep the best friend relationship secret because it could really do some damage. Male pride - It will hurt him knowing your with his best friend. Good luck juggling that one. Well done on being a good mum BTW.
Oh and sue him for abandonment or seek welfare through the courts. He owes you and your kids.
My life revolves around my kids. I do everything I can to make them happy. They actually smile now. He was really controlling and abusive, there wasn’t a week that didn’t go by that I didn’t have a bruise on me. My kids saw that and lived in that enviromnent. I know the feeling of not knowing your father and I want them to know him.
i think the best way for the kids sake would be to use a contact center they will draw up a plan of action that both of you have to stick to if he lets the kids down time and time again then at least you can hold your head high and say you have done every thing you can also have a back up plan like take the kids out for a treat if he dose not show up and take him to court for mantance he should pay for his kids to
I take my hat off to you - keep up the good work. I seriously would think about hiding the fact your with his best friend though because it could damage the relationship the kids have with their dad.
WE are keeping our relationship secret for now. We are still in the early stages of our relationship. And it is a long distance relationship. And if I see signs that it is going to harm or hurt my kids I would end the relationship with him.
k4kieron wrote:
I take my hat off to you - keep up the good work. I seriously would think about hiding the fact your with his best friend though because it could damage the relationship the kids have with their dad.
again i disagree as then he would be using his kids as a wepon to hurt you and that would not be the actions of a loving dad
how old are the kids? are they old anoth to have there own say in what they want yet
If you have moved on and your happy then you deserve it, especially if he hit and abused you. Try to distance your home life from him - maybe move house and arrange to drop the kids off in a public place so no harm can come of you.
Johnstone - He isn’t a good man from what I have been told. If he can hit a woman he can use kids against her. You can’t trust a woman beater to do right by their kids but the kids deserve the opportunity. Always ask them how he treats them when they comeback.
They are all under the age of 4. They don’t fully understand everything that has happened. only the 3 older kids know there dad is not around. My baby girl doesn’t really even have very much of a bond with him. I want them to know him. I’m just scared that he would do something crazy.
has he been violent to the kids before or was it just towards you if you feel there is any danger to the kids then i strongly advise that he has super viced visits
He has never hurt the kids onlyme. But he would hurt me in front of them. And I don’t leave them completly alone with him. He lives with his Mom and she is the one that truly watches them.
K4 I have moved away from him completly out of the county I lived my whole life in. He doesn’t know where, only that I live in the city. and he is supposed to meet me in a public place but he doesn’thave a car, so that leaves me to do everything.
Seek professional advice and try not to aggrevate him for the kids sake and your own is all I can really add to what I have put. You have moved on - thats a big step after an abusive relationship. Like I said try to put your kids first where possible. Keep doing what your doing - seek prof advice and i am sure you will all get through it OK.
Thanks alot. I appreciate the imput.
as i have said all a long he should see his kids in a controlled place where he cant hurt any one of them
you have to do what you can to protect your kids they will be emotionally damaged by what they have witnessed
i think you should get legal advice and see what they would suggest as he seam like a very dangerous man who is not taking responsibility for his kids well fair
yes I agree. Thanks for the outreach. I really appreciate you both for going over this with me.
its fine i hope it works out for you and the kids
You deserve happiness after what you have been through so to answer the original post - your not in the wrong. He has been and still is if he isn’t paying you welfare. It might be best that the kids don’t see him but be sure to sue him and never let him intimidate you again. Have 911 on speed dial ready for when you meet him just incase. Be prepared for conflict/agression if he ever finds out about his best friend. Even though he hasn’t a car it is his responsibility so make sure the family services are aware he doesn’t do anything to see them - make sure people know he is still in the wrong. Document when he doesn’t show etc incaase it ever goes to court - you need evidence to support your case. Have you looked at a restraining order? Are you in the US?
k4kieron wrote:
You deserve happiness after what you have been through so to answer the original post - your not in the wrong. He has been and still is if he isn’t paying you welfare. It might be best that the kids don’t see him but be sure to sue him and never let him intimidate you again. Have 911 on speed dial ready for when you meet him just incase. Be prepared for conflict/agression if he ever finds out about his best friend. Even though he hasn’t a car it is his responsibility so make sure the family services are aware he doesn’t do anything to see them - make sure people know he is still in the wrong. Document when he doesn’t show etc incaase it ever goes to court - you need evidence to support your case. Have you looked at a restraining order? Are you in the US?
i fully agree with this time and always try have some one with you or see if you can hand the kids to his mum
I started keeping a journal about the kids visits so I can remember what exactly has happened. And the kids are with his mom and step dad too. And I dropped the restraining order that i had going against him because I have to deal with him still and I don’t want hard feelings. I am going to have to deal with him for the rest of my life. I don’twant to create and enemy. But I am going to do what I have to make my kids happy. Iam going to call on monday and start the process of changing our current agreement cause he needs to be there dad more then just by blood and playing with them for just a couple of hours every couple of weeks. He needs to grow up and helpwith the beautiful lives he created.
Im kind of in the same situation with an ex-boyfriends bestfriend. I told my ex recently that I have liked his friend for ages and i mean even though he didn’t relly admit it, i know he was burning. Your situation is a little different cus of the kids and off-course you guys were married, but i say you should be happy aswel, i mean what a waste if the bestfriend is the one for you. You go girl and don’t feel bad about it life is too short to worry about keeping everyone else happy, but whatever you do make sure the kids are always priority. Goodluck
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