Literally? So she’s in prison?
Not yet, shes in the county jail.
Wow, you poor thing. I can’t even begin to imagine what you are going thru. Here’s my shoulder if you need it.
I moved a city over and I am living with my boyfriend… we both were there when it happend. My sister was still in the room and my mom was barely alive.
I’m so sorry dear. Why do you feel like a prisoner though? Is your sister threatening you or controlling you in any way?
omg thats terrible!!! im so sorry sweetie if you ever need anything im hear just give me a shout. i have to head in for the night but ill be back in the morning to see where this post goes and see why you feel like a prisoner and everything. you have my blessing.
I am having a hard time controlling my mind. I can’t hardly get to sleep at night. I just can’t stop thinking about what I’ve seen and what happend before I got upstairs. I’ve blocked alot of it out probably because of being in shock… but more and more keeps comeing to me. I have nightmares every night. And living in a new city is kind of occuard because I don’t know any one here and my boyfriend works most of the time. So here I am .. trying to vent some of these emotions I have.
You need to get some counseling, now. You are going to need it. No one should have to go thru what you have. You are in my prayers and if you need anything, talk, rant, yell, whatever, give me a shout and I’ll do what I can.
Take a vent and breath. I understand that you’re still in shock, but I think one of the best things to do or can do, if you feel strong enough for it, is to talk it out with your sister. Tell her how you feel. I noe it’s hard, but if you feel so trapped by this, you should talk to her about it rather then suppressing it. It’s hard to cope with something this tragic, but try to push that energy and emotions into something like exercise for example. Just look on the bright side, imagine the new city as a place for you to explore.
But we’re always here to talk to if you need it :)
Yeah, Ive been to my theripist like 3 times now. He’s a nice guy. He said I could call at any time but it just feels occuard to call some one I don’t know at like 2 am. My sister sent her husband a letter telling him that she wishes I would come and see her, that she’s afraid that I won’t ever see her once she’s sent off to prison. But I feel like going there would be like forgiving her for what she did. And I just can’t do that at this point. My mother had just found out she was cancer free. Thats why I was living in her house at the time. My sister stabbed her ten times in the back with my oldest nephews samouri sword. I found her laying half way inbetween her closet door way.
You can go see her without forgiving her right now. Facing her may very well be what you need, but only you know that for sure. At some point you will need to forgive but it is not unusual to not want that at this point. You need to decide what is best for you in that regard.
I am so sorry to read this. Every sentence you write makes my heart hurt for you. If your therapist said to call him anytime, then call him. That is what he does, he helps people. He is used to being called.
I’m so sorry for what happened. Truly. I’m here to talk to no matter what. :)
But I understand how you feel like it’s forgiving her, but go and confront her and tell her that you went there not to forgive her, but to tell her how you feel. If you tell her it’s not forgiving her, then it’s not forgiving her by going there. If you still don’t want to go and see her in person. Write a letter detailing how you feel and give it to her husband to deliver it. I think you’ll feel better if you express it to her rather than bottling it up.
Yeah, that’s probably right. I just feel SO lost now. I can’t work because I’m freaking out all the time and not sleeping. I wish I could just excape this for a few days. Go somewhere do something new that dosent remind me of it. I can’t barely watch tv any more or look at a news paper. I really wish I could just get a break in life. To top it all off I guess the hospital put a hole in my moms only working lung.(the wrong lung)to drain the blood. They said that she would have died any way.. but I just don’t think that they would have tried that if they didnt think she had a chance. Sooooooo much to think about.
You really do have a lot to think about. Can your BF take a few days off work and get you out of town for a few days? That sounds like a pretty good idea.
It seems like you really do need to be there right now. Just hold out a little longer and then forget about it. Has the funeral procession and things like that been settled yet? If it has, then you should go do something that is out of body and out of norm for you. Go do skydiving or take a long walk on the beach or park with your boyfriend. Something that isn’t in your daily life. A breather, ya noe?
He started his new job like 5 days after this happend and it happend late oct. He’s about to move up to management in a month or so. When the new location opens. So he dosent want to really create waves with work. But I may just ask for it off for him. Haha. I hear Hawaii is nice this time of year. Ups and downs smiles and frowns. *sigh*
Have you finish mourning and crying yet? Sometimes that maybe that’s all a person needs. Like spending twenty hours in bed just crying or just taking a up a new project and working non-stop until they burn out. Whatever it takes to get through that first mountain and express those feelings. You sound like you’re in an emotional rut right now. I was in that stage when my uncle died a few months back. I didn’t cry or express any feelings. Just bottled it and acted like nothing happened. Just spend that time you need to express it and you’ll feel a lot more better.
Most employers will understand. My mom was killed in a fire. I took a month off and no one thought any worse of me and my job was there waiting on me. His boss may just see him in a better light too if he is willing to help you. Just a thought.
Amee wrote:
Have you finish mourning and crying yet? Sometimes that maybe that’s all a person needs. Like spending twenty hours in bed just crying or just taking a up a new project and working non-stop until they burn out. Whatever it takes to get through that first mountain and express those feelings. You sound like you’re in an emotional rut right now. I was in that stage when my uncle died a few months back. I didn’t cry or express any feelings. Just bottled it and acted like nothing happened. Just spend that time you need to express it and you’ll feel a lot more better.
That is awesome advice. I wish someone had told that to me when my mom was killed. A good pint of Ben and Jerry’s and a big box of kleenex and let it all out.
Well the thing is is that I wasn’t working because I was helping my mom because she was so sick with the chemo. So I don’t have a job to go back to. But I’m sure it will all work out. Like my mom always said “the lord will provide” She was my rock! The whole family was held together by her. She had custody of my sisters kids. And they had just recedntly been staying with their dad alot. Im SOOO thankful that they werent there that night!!!
:P
thank you jules :D
I’m glad you’re so caring about your family at this point. Don’t worry about being the rock of the family either. I’ve tried that to once before. I felt like I was needed to take charge and handle things during that time. Take the time you need in the world and relax.
Where are your friends? Back in your old city? You should call them over or go back and visit them. Have a good girls’ night and forget about everything for one day or a weekend.
I talk with one of my oldest friends daily… but shes married and doing the “married” thing! I don’t know whats really going on with my other close friend.. shes been really distant and now her phone is shut off.. I guess shes going through her own battles in life. Everyone is just so busy these days… Although a newer friend, has been really sweet to me and calls to check on me once and a while. I think shes going to come to town tomorrow and hang out for a bit. Which will be nice. :)
See, things are getting better. Everyone feels far right now, but just take a look again and you’ll realize how close they are. Even though we’re strangers, we’re here to talk to you no matter what :)
Don’t stress about things okay? :)
:) YEah I try to be optomistic about things. Thank you for being so sweet to me. :)
No problem :D
The world needs happiness. Only we as humans can spread it :D
Get some sleep okay? :D
Amee
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Jules22871
Leslie63