Love help: what should I do? - Help.com

Need more info, such as what large city you live near. There are support groups with other people going through the same thing. THAT’S what you need right now. No alcohol or pills are going to take this pain away, so please stay away from them. Do you belong to a church? Seek counsel there if you can. Even an anonymous church should be able to point you to the right organization. Seek help as soon as you can.

if you really love him talk to him about it, if he turns away say it will help. if it does not work and he shows that he does not love you, resort to devourse. becouse you cant make someone love you

That’s a painful position for you and your husband to find yourselves in. Definitely find some marriage counseling as soon as possible. And find some good friends to support you personally.

I am certainly in no position to say if your marriage can be saved or not. But if you want it to be, it will require a huge amount of maturity, open communication and forgiveness on everyone’s part. If both of you can make that commitment, you might be able to rebuild a worthwhile and enjoyable marriage again. Is that possible or even worth it? Impossible to say. It all depends on details about the two of you that I know nothing about.

I think it might be worth pointing out that you don’t really fall in romantic love with another person because of who they actually are. You fall in love with how that other person makes you feel. Example: the other person might make you feel smart, protected, valued, understood, funny, sexy, respected, etc., etc.

Keep this in mind as you discuss things with your husband. It’s the key to understanding why he might have fallen in love with somebody else — although it doesn’t excuse it, or justify any infidelity. I only mention this because if he is searching for a feeling that he thinks no longer exists in your marriage, maybe it can be found again.

However, if love is going to exist between the two of you, it can only exist as a positive marriage because the two of you are both willing to meet the other person’s needs, while still being true to your individual selves. You might be willing, but it’s not your fault if your husband’s level of commitment does not match your own. Morally, ethically, and spiritually speaking, a person can only be responsible for “keeping their own side of the street clean.” You may have done everything in your power to be a good person and a good mate, but none of this guarantees love. We all have our weaknesses and your husband may just be immature, irresponsible, or self-deluded about what he wants and what he already has with you.

I wish you all the best.

Dear Boutocrack:
I am sorry that you are in this predicament. I agree with most replies stating that counseling is an option. However, is he willing to go to counseling? When you say he is in love with someone else, do you mean that he doesn’t love you anymore? I could offer better options if I had more info. Best regards, straywolf.

Suggest counseling- That way maybe you can get all the facts and lay them out in the open. After that, if he still isnt willing to change, or make sacrifices, then pour yourself a glass of wine, or take a walk in the park alone, and tell yourself that you did everything you could in order to make it work, and you cant regret that. Don’t start divorce proceedings on your end unless you are sure thats the best option for you to take . Don’t resort to clingy things, like faking a pregnancy, or faking an emergency so he will come over. Those rarely work out, and when they do, its not usually for very long. Ask him what you could do to change this, and if what he says is reasonable, maybe you could give that a shot. Best wishes- if you need to talk, email me at (email removed)

Ex-nay on the wine suggestion above. The last thing you want to do is cloud your mind. You need to be clear-headed in all your thoughts and actions. Find someone to talk to. Not the drunk stranger sitting next to you on a stool at the nearest bar. Find a REAL friend. At church. At work. At a social group. You need someone you can trust. And his name doesn’t say “xxx proof” underneath it.