suicide help: I don’t really know what Im asking for. - Help.com

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I promise you that they would much rather have you than any amount of money!!

I don’t really know what Im asking for.

I think perhaps: rationality, logic, mental clarity, advice, inspiration, ideas, hope, solutions, life-plans, and happiness.

That’s what it looks like first glance for me.

Where do you live?

how to find a job:
Go to a store you would like to work in.
E.g. a music store.Cd’s etc.
Stand around and look at stuff as though you are a customer.
When you hear some other customer talking about some
music,go over and approach them.
Strike up a friendly conversation about the music of interest.
Keep doing this until the store manager sees you doing it.
If he comes over and talks too you ,tell him you would love
to work here.
Be patient with this method.It may take some time for it to work.
Obviously you need to know stuff about music.

e.g. a hardware store.
Help people find stuff and advise them.
Help carry there stuff or whatever.
Make yoursef look friendly and helpful.
Irresistable.

Hmm, you may have social anxiety, but you do seem to have good communicative skills.
At least your story and answers were clear, intelligent, polite and to the point.
You say that you’re still trying, which indicates you have a reasonable amount of self-discipline and common sense.
If it is mostly the feeling of uncertainty about yourself and what other people might think of you that is the problem, perhaps a job where you’re not too concerned with social interaction but where you can use your skills by getting work done.
And about the debt:
you may feel guilty about having it, but that is a situation you don’t have the freedom to completely undo. Noone should have to feel guilty about not doing the impossible. So what about the possible.
The freedom you have is doing what you can to decrease it, by trying to take a professional look at your finance and look for ways to decrease spending and increase income.
For as far as you are already doing this, there is no reason to feel guilty about it,
and if you see things that can make a difference and you are not already doing consider them an opportunity to improve your way of dealing with the situation.
From the moment you start using these opportunities again, there’s nothing to feel guilty about.

And about your family and/or friends
Since apparently you don’t have a job at the moment, you probably have the time to support them in what they are doing.
Most likely, you already do.
Don’t underestimate the value you (can) have in such a way.
You may not realise often enough that on the long run it may far be of greater worth than the negative number on your bankaccount.

These are some thoughts I have.
Hopefully there’s something of value in it for you,
even though of course I cannot understand your situation as you do.

All the best,