This reply has been removed.
I think most people who say the want to love someone on the net and then they want to kill themselves over them is just plain foolish. I don’t think there’s much to understand, it is just the kind of environment these people grow up in. They grow up in abusive homes (whether they are sexually abused, emotionally abused, or just about any kind of abuse). They want to latch on to someone and sometimes the net and the people living in this cyberworld are the only one who they think “truly cares for them and understands them.” You just never know.
It just amazes me at the sheer number of people that are doing this lately. And I’m not just talking about here. I know real life people that are doing the same thing. I don’t understand putting so much of oneself into someone you have never met, that when it doesn’t work out you start talking and even get to the point of planning suicide. I know that some people have had rotten upbringings, so did I. I have been in very caustic relationships before also that have ended badly. But thru all that I have always valued myself enough to not let that stop me from living and being happy.
I understand when real live romances break up that there is a mourning period. But what about the people that say “it has been 3 years and I still can’t get over them”? Where is their self-worth? What has happened to society, that I missed, that is causing all of this sadness?
This reply has been removed.
Some people’s love is unrequited and they never really move on because they don’t even try. Their better half moves on and is happily ever after, but people they leave behind alone, hurting, and confused never really see the light at the end of the tunnel. And some people are like that. They only have one love and one only whom they consider their soulmates even if that soulmate does not share their enthusiasm for that relationship or that love.
I guess I’m just wired wrong,lol I can’t see putting my self-worth and well being into the hands of another person. I know there are people out there that can and will do that, I just don’t understand the thinking behind it.
I don’t think you’re wrong, I believe that a person should love themself more than any other, (not in a selfish way though). It begs the question “How can you love someone if you don’t love yourself?”. Just my opinion.
pragmatist101 wrote:
I don’t think you’re wrong, I believe that a person should love themself more than any other, (not in a selfish way though). It begs the question “How can you love someone if you don’t love yourself?”. Just my opinion.
Exactly! You put it perfectly! What has happened in society that is making everyone so darn unhappy with themselves?
Who knows? Probably the consumer media selling all their crap that if you have this or that you would considered “cool”. Therefore installing a need for acceptance and “community”. And, a loss of any part of that acceptance or “community”, qualifies as a failure in their eyes. Just a theory. Who knows?
I have said for a long time that the media is evil,lol They give everyone such a false sense needing, needing this, needing that. You have to be a size 0 and weigh 23 pounds or you are fat. Prime example, Jennifer Love Hewitt. While I think her acting leaves a lot to be desired, there is nothing wrong with being a size 2. She is not fat but yet caught hell over it.
I think the media pushes the love thing so far from what it really is that people nowadays have no idea what to expect. Look at all the reality shows. How on earth can you meet 12 women, spend 6 weeks with them and pick a wife? It is ridiculous.
And while I’m at it, since when does going on one date mean that you are in a committed relationship? Just because you have been dating for a month doesn’t mean that someone has agreed to only be with you. That is what dating is all about. You date different people to find someone that you actually connect with. I had this conversation with my son one time. He comes in and says he has a new girlfriend, said they had been “going steady” for a couple of days. Shoot, they hadn’t even been to McDonald’s together yet! How can you be committed to someone you don’t even know yet?
Am I really that out of touch with society now that I don’t understand what it going on anymore?
IT IS NICE. To know that I’m not the last one who feels that way. I thought I caught the last train out!
Nope, we must be in the same car, lol
I really didn’t mean to turn this into a rant. It just sort of went that direction. I am really trying to understand it. I find that a lot of the times I can’t answer somebody’s question without sounding hateful just because I don’t get where they are coming from. I thought asking this might help me be better able to help someone else.
We can’t change who we are. Most of my replies are met with a good deal of cynacism. Check my profile, I have 1 friend. And, this is not a rant, it’s simply a post that is outside, (wording this very carefully), the common users realm of expertise.
I appreciate your input on this! Let’s see if we get anymore.
Fingers crossed, helmet on, safety goggles on, LET’S GO!!
This reply has been removed.
I guess that is part of it. But that raises another question. Why do people put their own happiness and mental health and well being into the hands of another person? I wish people would realize that they are the only ones responsible for how they feel and how they act. If your fella breaks up with you it’s alright to feel down for awhile, but it isn’t alright to let it ruin your life. It is up to you to pick yourself up and dust yourself off and get back into the real world. No one has control over my self esteem except me. That is mine and no one else can do anything about it. I just wish others would realize that too.
This reply has been removed.
See, you get exactly what I’m talking about. I thought it was just me being heartless for not understanding. And I really wondered if I knew what love was because I don’t feel the things that these people are all distraught over.
This reply has been removed.
Nope, not at all. That is exactly how I feel about it. But at the same time it is not all consuming and your life ends if the relationship does. I just don’t understand people that so little self esteem that they think they can’t live without the other person. I must be getting old, lol
My theory on all this is that there is this primitive need for security. There were villages and interconnected webs of life. There wasn’t this ever-growing detachment from community. Don’t get me wrong. Many people are trying to preserve that but it seems to me that more and more, people are “out for themselves”. Its starting to look like “survival of the fittest”.
I’ll use my own personal situation for example. I’m a mom with a 3 year old, a sufficient job & a boyfriend. I’m early thirties, he’s mid twenties. I’m having a horrible time just trying to live alone with my daughter. Her dad is an uninvolved drunk who has enough on his plate with his new teenaged, pregnant girlfriend. So he’s out of the picture. Alone, I can barely keep afloat. I overutilize the help of my poor, already stressed-out mother just so I have a sitter for my erratic schedule. I can not afford childcare.
My boyfreind is a young student with a part-part-time job (by that I mean 8 hrs of wk at best) who I’ve dated for 2 yrs that is there to hug me emotionally but can or will not help me with my situation in a “tangible” way. No planning for the future. No solid “real” ideas to join me at my side and help me out of this lifestyle I’m wedged in.
My point here- sorry to seem to be on a tangent but it comes back to this point: I have gotten so low about our relationship that I’ve contemplated ending our relationship; finding a sugar daddy or ending my life. The suicidal thoughts are quickly extinguished by the thought of my daughter having to relive anything close to this same greuling experience that I have come to know.
I guess from my perspective, people just get to feeling so dejected and rejected and disassociated that they wonder if anyone will ever love them enough to help them construct a better life. Sure, some people just come in to your life and act like they can use others anytime they like, for some cheering up, instant gratification, whatever little pick-me-up they need. But when it comes to the real stuff, people are cowards. Not ready to stand strong, not willing to go through hard times or be part of difficult decisions or any decisions at all.
They “Opt-out”. I have gone through what I would call 5 or 6 users or losers, whichever you like to call them in the ten years I’ve been dating. I don’t know why I even call them men anymore. Ok, now I apologize. This is officially a rant
Bottom-line. No one wants to do all this stuff alone. They want someone to be there with them to help troubleshoot and fix and brainstorm and rebuild when the empire has fallen. They want someone to stand by their side. Does this even exist anymore? I see it so rarely. This goes back to the caveman and the whole “it takes a village” thing which appears to be crumbling before my very eyes. Marriage almost seems like a joke to me if it doesn’t have that crucial “stand by me” element.
These people you refer to seem to see this and feel this but aren’t always intelligent enough to explain it or quite often aren’t religious or “faithful” enough to believe in the token phrase “it will get better”. Sometimes it just doesn’t and they know that so they fall down even harder.
It’s about getting back on the horse even when that same horse stomps on you after you’ve fallen off it. This is not the mantra in our society anymore. Maybe in the 60 to 80 yr married couples, but any younger and thats how it is. At least, in my neck of the woods.
I guess I’m saying that the missing self-esteem in these people is the same thing as the missing “family” or “structure” or “direction”. Its not just faulty human beings. We are all responsible for contributing to this universal consciousness being warped.
So, no. Being here is not a waste of time. Its just like a charity ball or volunteering to help the homeless only on a different scale. I actually would like to apologize again for ranting or sending out any negativity. Its merely just a letting off of steam from my own personal struggle. I am truly sorry.
Enjoy helping eachother. Its never a waste of time. Thanks for hearing me out.
This account has been deactivated.
Thanks for giving your point of view. I really want to see all sides of this and try to understand it better so that I can help people more.
You have had a pretty hard go of it and yet you seem to be managing. You have a real life, real time relationship and you are not basing your self worth on just that one person and I think that is great. What I am questioning are the one month relationships, most of that time spent online or texting, and how it can make someone want to kill themselves because it didnt work out.
You are so right in your thinking about communal families. Gone are the days of the extended family and that is really sad. I guess that probably plays a huge role in the way people are thinking now. Everyone needs love and support and I guess some need it badly enough that they will try to get it from anywhere that they can and will take it to heart in a negative way if it isn’t given to them in the time frame they set up.
well I think alot of people who are concidering “killing themselves” over a guy who they met over the internet, are to **** young to be useing the internet as a dating tool.
I met my bf on myspace. We messeged each other, talked on the phone, met, fell in love, and started living with each other. Will have been together a year next month.
I think its a really good idea to get to know someone over the internet because you can get to know who they really are easier. Without haveing to worrie about how you look, or trying to impress them with your looks. Its all about personality and getting to know each other.
I think it is also easier to become infactuated with someone easier over the internet when they live far away and there is really no chance you could ever meet them because its more of a ‘fair tale’ type of situation then.
“Your prince lives in India and you live in America and you are sole mates but were born in different countries”
It is like a fairtale because there is really no chance of the relationship going anywhere beyound the computer screen.
This is why I recommend anyone who wants to meet someone online to make sure they atleast live in the same state or within 100 miles of where you live so it wont end as a fairtale that never happend.
The way you did it makes sense. The ones I’m talking about are the young, and the more mature ones, that never even meet the person and all of a sudden they want to kill themselves. You cannot fall in love in a week. At least I can’t. And if someone was to tell me after just a few dates that they loved me I would seriously be creeped out. My hubby and I had been living together for 3 months before we used the “L” word. I think the LOVE word gets used all to easily.
its does get used alot.
I think it hurts more to be rejected online because it is more personal. They are rejecting you because of your personality, witch is kind of the opposite in the real world were people get rejected because of their outter appearence, and if someone gets rejected for their outter appearence and then they go online and get rejected for their personality also, then that person may just feel completely useless and not worth anthing. Getting rejected on both aspects of yourself can be a very horrible confidence and self estime killer.
The thing I don’t get is how short of a time frame people are using. You see it all the time on here. We have been talking a couple of weeks and I love hi/her so much. I just don’t get it.
And I just don’t get putting my self worth in the hands of anyone. I am who I am. No other person makes me who I am . I am not more or less important just because I do or do not have someone in my life. What happened to people valuing themselves? If my husband left me tomorrow, yes I would be sad, but I am not going to run out and kill myself and feel any less of a person because he left me. I really wonder if I just don’t have a properly working heart because I don’t seem to be the norm in my way of thinking on this.
I think people do that because they put to much trust and hope into a person. They make that person the center of their world and if that person leaves their world crumbles.
They put so much hope in thinking “he/she could be the one” “he/she could change my life”
but ultimitly I think that some people take rejection better then others. and rejection is twice as bad when you put all your hope into a person.
and its good that your world would crumble if your husband left you. That shows you have self respect and you dont need him, you love him and want him in your life because you love him but you would also be just fine with out him.
Alot of people dont see it that way.
I guess I’m just cold hearted then because I refuse to put myself in that position. I’m not sure if I was trying to figure out other people with this post or myself,lol
I used to be one of those ppl who put to much trust into a guy.
Now I would be devistated if my boyfriend left me but I would live.
If somone is wanting to pursue someone online they need to be mature enough to know that, this person will more then likly dissapoint you, and to be ready for it.
Joy. wrote:
If somone is wanting to pursue someone online they need to be mature enough to know that, this person will more then likly dissapoint you, and to be ready for it.
That brings me to another point. Where in the h3ll are the parents? Since when is it the right thing to do, letting your kid be online without any supervision? When my kids were younger the computer was in the kitchen in front of everyone. Parents don’t pay attention to what their child is doing, then they are surprised when something goes wrong. I watched everything my kids did, who they were with, I would spy on them every chance I got. I am proud to say that all 3 of my kids graduated high school, none of them are on drugs, 2 of the 3 are in college and the third on is on her way to going. If you just let your kids do whatever, you shouldn’t be surprised when something goes wrong. You hear mothers say ” I want to be her friend” She has friends, what she needs is a mother. I am proud of my kids. When I had my accident they all pulled together to keep things running. My oldest even moved back home to help. If I had just let my kids run wild and do whatever they wanted I’m sure that that wouldn’t have happened.
And 10 year olds do not need cell phones! What are people thinking? You are just putting them in a position to get into more trouble. Like I said, I must be missing something.
Yeah I agree.
I think parents should put ristrictions on chat rooms on the computers when their children are under 14 yrs old
and I actually think its a good thing for kids who are aroudn 10 to have cell phones IF they play sports or are involved with school things. So when the practacs are over they call call their parents to come get them. Or if they go over to someones house and need to be picked up (for what ever reason) and if their child is at the park out ‘over at a friends house’ if they need their parents they can just pick up their phone and call them.
and if the parent needs to get ahold of their child or find out where they are they can call the cell phone.
I dont think
I can understand limited cell phones. And they do make them like that. I just don’t understand how parents just turn their kids loose nowadays. What happened to the parent being at practice? I worked 60 hour weeks while mine were growing up and there was always an adult family member at practices, games,plays, etc.
The other day I was in WalMart looking for some sports bras. I look over and there are these little itty bitty thongs, in the kids section! Are people just trying to get their kids molested? You see kids out that look like they are in their 20’s and find out they are 14. Take them home, wash their face, teach then how to dress and teach them some self respect. Don’t get me wrong. I am in no way a prude. Actually I live in the biker world and that is as far from a prude as you can get. I just think people need to get back to raising children instead of just letting “them be their own person” They will figure that out as they go naturally without parents buying them skimpy clothes and more makeup than Paris Hilton has.
Yeah I understand the whole 14 yr old looking 20 thing..
When I was in school(a year ago XD) I played softball, and one day we had practice with the middle school girls..they had short shorts(that were rolled up as far as they would go) and had on deep V neck tank tops while also wearing push up bras. Our coach was male, and all of the high school girls wore t-shirts and baggie shorts.
It was very shocking…our jaws droped when we noticed.
I used to gripe about a school dress code but now I really think times call for one,lol
really the only thing I had a problem with was that the cheerleaders uniforms had very short skirts(not legal by the dress code) and kids couldnt wear pants that had wholes in them(just a few ‘fashion look’ not completely ripped) and their reason was that “it exsposed skin that should be covered by the dress code” and the cheerleaders were showin more skin then that one whole was.
The world is filled with double standards. And I learned a long time ago that you can’t beat them at it. I hate to admit it but it’s true. It seems like the A list people get all the breaks and everyone else just has to deal with that is left over.
This reply has been removed.
I know that when you are online it is easier to be yourself, or to not be yourself. I personally only know how to be, lol Not sure if that is a good thing or not. I also prefer to see someone’s face and hear their voice when communicating. It is to easy to misunderstand the written word.
The God aspect is a valid point. Hmmm, something to think about.
I am very lucky that even thru my less than perfect parenting my kids, especially my daughter, ended up with a fantastic set of values. I hope they can carry these values to their children also. It really makes me sick to see these little girls dress the way they do. I really have to stop and wonder what the hell parents are thinking when they let a 6 year old wear a thong that says hottie on it.
This reply has been removed.
To bad we dont have a magic pill for that,lol
This reply has been removed.
littlenick
pragmatist101
Miss Sally
Joy.