Love help: i have been in a relationship for a little over 9 years. - Help.com

Do you still love him ?

Is it the fact that he has stalled marriage all this time that you have the biggest problem with ?

Or other there other major factors ?

Ξ.Ģäβž.Ξ wrote:
Do you still love him ?Is it the fact that he has stalled marriage all this time that you have the biggest problem with ?Or other there other major factors ?

did you earn more money than him before he got all that money by the way?

well it’s not just the stalling of getting married. there are lots of things. and i don’t think i love him anymore. i have chronic pain and he’s always taking my pain medication and i run out before i am supposed to. he’s paranoid about everything, he makes me feel really stupid all the time by the things he says. he doesn’t do it on purpose, and i have told him how it makes me feel when he says or does things to make me feel that way, but then he invalidates my feelings by telling me i am to sensitive and that i need medication, etc. i am the only one working right now. he brings in unemployment. when i was out of a job, he ragged on me every day for 3 months. if i say anything to him about finding a job, he tells me there’s nothing out there for him. and he hasn’t gotten any money yet from his father’s passing. it’s all still up in the air as his father’s long time girlfriend is trying to take his fathers land and such. he probably won’t be getting anything anytime soon.

Oh dear. I’m sorry but he sounds like a bit of a loser as well as an attitude problem.

I can understand why you wouldn’t want to be with someone like that, and if you don’t love him anymore, there’s really no reason for you to remain there and take anymore of his crap.

9 years is a long time to be with someone. You will have many adjustments to make and it won’t be easy.

Leaving him, may also make you realise one way or another whether you do or don’t really love him.

Good luck with what ever decision you make.

Wow….I’m sorry to say it, but he sounds like a creep. If I weren’t a nicer person, I’d be tempted to say that one good turn deserves another. For what you’ve put up with over 9 years, I’d marry him, and when the money comes in, go out, spend it all and take a lover who will treat you better.

It’s probably best just to get rid of the guy, though, seriously. From what you’re saying, he sounds like he’s determined to be a loser, and you don’t need to be around that.

A loser is one thing, but a loser “with” money is dangerous.

Maybe if you leave him now, you won’t have to see the mega jerk he turns into when he’s wealthy, lol

well it’s not that he’s a creep. he’s actually a really nice guy and he does a lot of things for me. just not the right things. and i’m tired of waiting. he whines about everything, he always has some kind of medical malady but he won’t go to the doctor to see what is “wrong” with him. he always says he doesn’t have the money to go see a doctor, but he won’t get a job to get insurance. it’s always something. i just feel like i’m “raising a child”. my kids act better than he does. everytime he does something nice for me, i just get so annoyed because i have told him time and time again and written him letters telling him that i don’t want to be with him and he just acts like it’s all good. that’s what makes it so frustrating. i don’t want to kick him out because i know he has no money and no place to go. he moved with me from his home to mine. he has very few friends, and no family but mine. i kind of feel sorry for him, but not enough to stay in the relationship. i told him i would help him out until he could get on his feet. i told him he could stay in the spare room. when i told him last night that he could fix it up any way he wanted,he’s like “what are you talking about”? i have the feeling that he thinks that i will stay with him when he gets his money or whatever is coming to him. but that stuff doesn’t matter to me. i’ve told him that. it’s just seeming that whatever i say goes in one ear and out the other. he doesn’t listen. i guess maybe he’s in denial or something. i just want to be out of this relationship and i don’t know how to do it other than to be totally mean to him. and i’m just not that kind of person.

Are you able to move out until he finds somewhere else to go ?

Because it sounds as though, as long as you are both living under one roof, he thinks everything is just fine.

Something has to give eventually. Either you, him or both of you need to move out of the house and find seperate places. If he doesn’t have an income, thats not your problem, if he wants to eat and survive, he will soon go off and find a job.

Have you thought about the property settlement ? who gets what etc. ? After being together for 9 years, you’ll have to split everything you own.

well the house lease is under my name. we have nothing of any value except our vehicles, he has his suv, and i have my van and my car. other than that, there isn’t anything we own together. we are renting to own some furniture, but that’s about it. i told him he could have the tv since he likes watching tv more than i do. i don’t really care about any of the stuff we have. i just want to get on with my life and be happy. he can’t really go anywhere cause his credit is so bad that nobody will lease to him. he is talking about buying a house with the money he gets from his dad, but with the way things are going, that could be a very long time. the house we are renting right now is from his friend’s sister in law. she’s in mexico right now and won’t be here anytime soon. so i’m not worried about that. we are on a month to month lease, and since the lease is in my name, i guess i could go anytime i wanted. i would just have to find another place. but then he wouldn’t have anywhere to go because he doesn’t bring in enough money to pay the rent and bills. right now, i pay the rent and he pays some of the bills. it’s just kind of a catch 22 situation, damned if i do, damned if i don’t.

Break off contact, if you have kids minimize it. Sorry.
If you really don’t want him then give him space otherwise he’ll keep trying!