Love help: I’m not afraid to die anymore, I need help. - Help.com

That’s almost exactly how I felt yesterday. I felt like giving up.
But please don’t.
Just keep holding on.

Ok sweet heart, don’t give up. Life is hard, yes, but it is worth it! First, you have got to get help to get away from the drugs! They will make you feel like life isn’t worht living. Find a spritual advisor, pastor, attend church, something. Seek God. Find things that you enjoy doing and do them. You can’t please everyone, and you might as well not live your life trying to make your parents happy. Persever. Stick it out. Stay in the game. Life is a gift, it is what you make of it. You have to keep going. God Bless you

Don’t give up on life. You have so much to live for. Hang in there. If you would just believe that everything will get better it will. Give it time.

That’s weird to read because you always struck me as a pretty inspirational person who would always stick up for himself.

Maybe spending more time here again would bring the inspiration back to life? Or, spring is coming, I’m spending as much time outside as I remember to, to refresh my life.

some of that might be a chemical imbalance from the drugs. my first hint of advice would be trying to stop taking the drugs. time will change everything. Just try to hang on for a little while to see if it passes, live one day at a time.

I can relate to an extent. You just keep going and try and get a plan up. It just might pay in the end. If your dad is ashamed of you, I know that can be really discouraging, but you should try to prove him wrong. Obviously, Life can be pretty much a downer, but find something to look forward to. I’m not sure if this advice helps. I wish your the best of luck or just what good fortune to go your way.

If you realise you are giving up and that you don’t care anymore then you are also one step away from recovery as well as death. You stand on the edge and find two options to choose from. You can give up and quit and end everything.. thus you will know no joys no happinesses and no loves. Or you can choose life… and know plenty of sorry and happiness and joy and loves and losses. Life is hard but you can make it into so many wonderful things. I thought I had experienced everything worth experiencing once but then I became a father and now I am experiencing things I never thought I would. I love being a father and it all could have never been if I had gone through with some of my depressions as a youth. I love life but it can be very depressing at times. Even so being a father is the greatest joy in life and you may one day know what it is like to be a parent too. Then you will learn a joy you may not even have thought possible.
Keep your chin up and don’t quit just because things seem tough. You will have many good times and many bad times. Don’t quit just find that right person who you can vent too when you need it and can cuddle with when you need it.

I think the military can really put a reason to you. It sounds like a good idea. The training will probably do you good, too.

please dont give up…. i know the feeling of wanting to die all to well.
but whatevers going on will pass..
you can meet new friends! the ones you have dont seem to be what you need at all..go out somewhere and meet people. there are people out there who will stick with oyu no matter what and stay by your side, help you out through the bad times. to me you just need a good friend by the sounds of it.

how old are you btw?

I’m in the army now so if you need specific information let me know

The only thing keeping me from killing myself was the fear I had of death.

It’s possible that belief was false. I don’t tend to have fear of death like some people do, but still it’d be nice to make the most of life.

{{HUGS}} Do you know that when we give up we are also giving in? To give in is to allow our problems to win.PLease dont let them win.Take control over them.If youve been going round in the same circles with yur problems then try something different.Sometimes just a small change can bring about big results.When you take the drugs you are giving them control over your life,dont do it,resist teh temptation,they dont serve any lasting purpose.I think the military is a super idea, why dont you look into it right now ,just looking at what they offer can motivate you .You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Nightowl wrote:

angel♥ wrote:
please dont give up…. i know the feeling of wanting to die all to well.but whatevers going on will pass..you can meet new friends! the ones you have dont seem to be what you need at all..go out somewhere and meet people. there are people out there who will stick with oyu no matter what and stay by your side, help you out through the bad times. to me you just need a good friend by the sounds of it.how old are you btw?

I’m 18. People tell me I’m brilliant, they say I have wisdom beyond my years…maybe thats why I want it to end. I feel like an old man. I’m just so tired of this mockery of an existence.

wisdom is a good thing. people tell me i have wisdom beyond my years as well (at times LOL) its not a bad thing though… i know it make you feel old but you still have sooo many years to experience what you want. if it bothers you a lot, ignore when people say that and just live how you want to live. 18 is still young…. even if people say that you have wisdom beyond your years, it doesnt mean that you cant act like a child once in a while… go out, have fun!!

Get help. Now. Like real profesional help. If your thinking about suicide but you think you can fight it, it’s an extremely hard fight alone. So tell someone you know thats close to you. If you have no one to help you, than find help. Help online, as effective as it is, only goes so far. I don’t mean to sound like those cheesy ads that are always saying this, but honestly is suicide appeals to you at all, don’t do it.
I’m not sure if I’m out ofline saying that, and I don’t have a ton of experiece with it, thank God, but I’m pretty sure thats the right thing to do. Someone call me out though if I’m wrong

i dont think what hes saying is hes to good for the world… it just gets hard when people tell you you’re something you dont necessassarily want to be. even if some people see that thng as a good trait, the person might not… that happens to me all the time.

forgive me if im wrong on that nightowl, thats just what it seems like to me.

gah :D am i not making sense again? XD sorry lol

ignore me if you like

D: ***

Guesswhat wrote:

angel♥ wrote:
gah :D am i not making sense again? XD sorry lolignore me if you like

i think you made sense but only if i consider it a sort of lapse in common thought. . . not that such is a bad thing, but it really only begins to make sense when taken out of context.hence the “what?”

okay no im confused…. D:

Guesswhat wrote:
as if your speaking from the penumbra of the zeitgeist of this post. . .

whats that mean?? lol

Kid, last night I found out that a little girl committed suicide. She was raped a few days ago. I did not personally know her, but I have been mourning her. I have wept for her. What she did though, was wrong. She was so distraught that the only path that she saw was a terrible choice. Her whole family is absolutely fraught grief.

Your life is not your own. You were bought with blood 2,000 years ago. Whether you choose to accept that you have positive solution or not is up to you. If you want to deal with this as you should shout me.

Your life can be worth something. The Creator of the universe thought enough of you to die for you. He can help, just ask.

lol okay… wow my head is like… slowlly recovering. you over worked it LOL

nightowl- you’re not selfish… dont think of it like that. we cant guilt you out of it but we can try and reason with you.
you can still find something to live for!! its not to late… you’re only 18!

btw you’re really good looking too LOL(sorry ill shush)

it is true that you can choose your own path… you can do whaever you want with your life, but itd be a shame to see you throw it away… i dont know you that well but from what i’ve seen you’re a really nice guy and you have the potential to change your life around is you work hard for it!!

try this and if that doesnt help, let me know ,I have another http://help.com/post/172202-never-giv…

Very well then, goodnight.

oh thats really good that its helped =) sometime sthats all you need.

goodnight! and sleep good =) i hope youre okay! xx

good night dude

Peace sells but who is buying?
hhehehe

Megadeath YEAH Baby hehehe

nite :)

Life isnt’ about being easy…it’s about growing up…dealing with hard things…and making sure we’re surrounded with people who care for us, and support us…and help us be the best we can be…

People who are negative or self-destructive, never helps…

Maybe that’s what you need..to surround yourself with kind, caring people…

You are gorgeous and articulate! What a waste it would be to lose you! The very fact that you wrote this shows that you want to live! Don’t give up, please

Nightowl wrote:
Well, I thought long and hard last night. I decided I’m going to get clean. I talked to my best friend, and he said he’d be there for me the entire way. I’m even going to stop smoking cigs as much. I’m going to start meditating again, since I havent done that in the longest time. I tried for the first time in months the other night, and everything became clearer. My view of reality has be skewed by my pessimism, on top of my moderate drug use.

Heres to you, if all of you hadnt taken the time to reply to my post, I would have never stopped and thought, and instead of getting clean, I would be dosing on DXM right now (DXM is a nifty lil drug found in robotussin). Thank you.

im so happy to hear that hun =) congrats!!! xx

Nightowl wrote:
Well, I thought long and hard last night. I decided I’m going to get clean. I talked to my best friend, and he said he’d be there for me the entire way. I’m even going to stop smoking cigs as much. I’m going to start meditating again, since I havent done that in the longest time. I tried for the first time in months the other night, and everything became clearer. My view of reality has be skewed by my pessimism, on top of my moderate drug use.

Heres to you, if all of you hadnt taken the time to reply to my post, I would have never stopped and thought, and instead of getting clean, I would be dosing on DXM right now (DXM is a nifty lil drug found in robotussin). Thank you.

awesome
sorry i diddnt catch this post earlier

I find that if you can’t live for yourself, live for someone else. Then, if they’re someone worth living for, they’ll teach you how to live for yourself again. It’s a supportive cycle.

Getting your life back on track will take a while but once you do it will be worth it.

Maybe you’ll feel better when you’re sober. I bet it will feel really good to be clean and have the feeling that you’re not poisioning your body anymore. I wish you the best of luck!

When reaching the point of no longer fearing death, What is the point. It seems as if our whole lives are the journy to accepting death, Then we die. And the circle is complete.

But when you reach this at a young age, What is the point. The point, simply is that you have what those at 80 are just reaching. You have acceptance. You are able to say, “Ya know what, I already know I’m going to die, And I dont give a fu©k”.

Count yourself lucky, You can spend the rest of your life living. Where so many others are learning how to die, You can learn to live. You’re one of the few, Count your blessings.

As far as being suicidal, Ill tell you what I was told by a friend the night after she attempted to kill herself.

“Death isn’t the objective. Death isn’t the goal, And it’s not what we strive for. Knowing that theres another life in death, Knowing that this life can end and its all over, Thats what its all for, Thats the point. The only thing I didn’t realize until now, Is that I can make another life out of this one. I don’t have to die to end suffering. I don’t have to embrace eternal silence to be in a quiet room. I don’t have to bleed to feel like I’ve escaped”

Hope that helps, And I hope you work things out.

Nightowl wrote:
I ****** up right out the gate. I snorted an ambian with my friends a few hours ago, and now I’m drinking alone. I dont feel depressed. I feel pretty awesome actually. I hope I dont feel ****** again when I’m sober.

Well, keep trying anyway! Im really happy that you reconsidered the whole… you know killing yourself immediately thing. It goes to show that this website really CAN help people a lot.

I think you should carry on meditating regularly, cos if it helps you as much as it sounds like then its gotta be a good thing, right? The whole wisdom beyond years thing… I dont know about you but it drives me ******* mental when people say stuff like that to me. Cos I constantly feel like itd just make me happier if I COULD just believe in things and accept things without question but by my nature, I have to question the stuff which i know would make me feel a hell of a lot more comfortable about the world.

I am not entirely sure if that made any sense. But i felt like sharing that, cos i figured there was a possibility that you might feel the same on it.

Everyone does have a purpose…..but so many go to their grave NEVER knowing what that purpose was. I’m still searching for mine….meditation does help a lot….you don’t have to use drugs to get to that higher plain,man. I used to snort oxy’s,perk’s,xanex(purple footballs),vicodin,anything and everything man…I got busted for stealin over the counter cold medicine… od’d on anti-depressents and coricedon(Vitamin C,Skittles,triple C,poor mans heroin/extacy)….just goes on and on man…..thats not the life you want to lead man,everyone that I used to hang out with is eigther dead,in jail/prison,rehab,or strung out on crack somewhere. I’m so glad I got away from that scene man…you CAN find peace….it’s all around you..man…peace and love ARE around man…find it in the simple things that make you happy. You DO have a purpose man….your not gonna find it robo-trippin’ and destroyin’ your liver man. 4-real

Make your self useable….SUBMIT yourself to a GOOD cause,man. Get a clear head….stop with that ambien shiznit man…one hit could be fatale man…people don’t realize it’s no joke stickin stuff up your nose….before you know it your a junkie cryin’ on Dr. Phil’s couch….man It’s no good….I know you’ll figure it out man…A little experimentation never killed anybody……WAIT… yeah it has…..it’s killed a lot of people…..You say other people say your SMART, wise beyond your years……… Well, PROVE THEM RIGHT Nightwolf…You know you can! I hope you take a positive road to seek natural PEACE and Purpose in your life. Good luck to you on your journey and take care,man…..(nobody count how many times I said MAN…lol(I write how I speak;)

Nightowl..not Nightwolf my bad man;)

I dont ever remember being afraid of death. But I still wouldn’t kill myself. I am proud of what I’ve achieved and would never choose non~existence over existing! I like just being I don’t have to be doing anything particular, even just lying watching trees blowing in the wind. But I have quite a busy life through choice.
Turn your negatives into positives. Thats what I’ve been doing of late.
Drugs tho……NO wonder you’ve been so down. Suicide tuesdays, me and a friend used to call them after heavy weekends……….withdrawls= misery, pain, depression…. Give them up first then try cutting down on the ciggies. One thing at a time. Good luck!

You mentioned meditation, someone else mentioned enlightenment. And doing drugs “recreationally” is often to achieve mind-enhancing effects like meditation does, with the added bonus of hopefully being a social, communal activity.

So… I remembered something I want to mention. “conversation meditation” or “dialogue meditation” … some sort of consciously talking with friends with the intention more to achieve greater awareness of ourselves as interacting beings than to resolve issues or convince ourselves or others that some things are true or not.

Sorry, I accidentally hit send before really saying what I was talking about. If you do a websearch on “enlightenment intensive” you can see an example of what I think is a neat, semi-relevant, perhaps helpful, idea.

Yeah… I see people exchanging a lot of ideas, and I can see the dangerous flaws in some of the ideas (based on having to live through a lot of stuff the hard way), but I’m not very good with talking about the complicated ideas themselves or saying what’s wrong with them — but I notice the act of coming together to talk about those “important ideas” is a very important thing in itself. At least I noticed that on this post. I hope that made some sense.

Hi Nightowl, sorry I wasn’t around for the last couple of days to see your post. You seem to have come a long way since you first posted it and that’s great. When I was your age I smoked a lot of pot, and did a few chemicals, not many but a few. And there was a time when I was on a kind of delusion where I not only wasn’t afraid to die anymore, like you described, but didn’t think there was any chance that I could die. I took crazy risks, especially with heights. Somehow I made it through. I’m not saying that drugs were the original source of your unhappiness, but from my experience they can worsen and perpetuate a feeling of apathy. To kick your recreational drug habit or whatever you want to call it, you’ll have to stop hanging around the people that do drugs. na.org isn’t a bad place to start. They won’t judge you.

And you need a rudder. You know what I mean.. a thing, a structure, a group that helps you steer a course toward what you really want in life. You may find it in mediation or in charity work, in religion or in a sport or arts activity. I’m not big on religion or the military, but for you that could be your ticket to seeing life more clearly. Whatever it is.. and this is just the way I see it, there has to be some sort of community element to it. Lots of people go to church and don’t really care for the doctrine (just an example) but they go because they find support to get through an illness or a divorce. Or it can be something as simple as a book club or a Habitat project. The point is, when you find yourself in a group of people doing something positive together, you no longer feel like a rudderless boat floating aimlessly. For me, it’s not one thing but several.. my martial arts class, my neighborhood where lots of the people hang out and eat and watch games together, and of course my kids and my animals. And to some extent it’s this somewhat scattered, contentious online community of marginally sane and often funny characters (including you).

Find your rudder.

Nightowl, Im proud of you, just know hon you are doing the right thing. I went through the DXM scenario with my son, he overdosed on DXM and Tylenol. Thank god he is now ok , but as I told him and Ill tell you, things and feelings change this is a phrase and you will like others get through it, hang tough, you are an intelligent and smart young man, and I think deep in your heart like my son you know drugs are not the answer.Stay with the friends that will talk you out of bad decisions, they are the ones in your life that count, simply because they care enough to stand by you and make you value your life.

Jen* wrote:
I dont ever remember being afraid of death. But I still wouldn’t kill myself. I am proud of what I’ve achieved and would never choose non~existence over existing! I like just being I don’t have to be doing anything particular, even just lying watching trees blowing in the wind. But I have quite a busy life through choice.
Turn your negatives into positives. Thats what I’ve been doing of late.
Drugs tho……NO wonder you’ve been so down. Suicide tuesdays, me and a friend used to call them after heavy weekends……….withdrawls= misery, pain, depression…. Give them up first then try cutting down on the ciggies. One thing at a time. Good luck!

Its hard to give them up. Its not just one drug. I’m not dependant on anything, I’m addicted to good feelings. It doesnt matter what the drug is, If it will make me feel better I’ll do it. I rotate so I dont become physically dependant on anything…I just want that good feeling.[/quote]

Yeah I know how you feel, I’ve tried pretty much everything, doing similar, dodging dependency. If a drug gets you high you always have a comedown, whether your addicted or not, which usually includes a dose of depressing feelings. Also its a dangerous game your playing I should know!!! I’m warning you but its your choice to heed it. I think you like the game your playing and aren’t committed to stopping yet. Are you?

:-) Good luck dude

Nightowl wrote:
OK! Update time. I’ve been holding strong. Besides for that other night with the ambian I’ve stayed on track. I’ve had numerous options to snort heroin (I absolutly love heroin) but have turned people down, simply by telling them the truth “I’m gonna go easy for a while and stick to weed.” and thats the end of it. My friends dont try to pressure me in any way. I feel like I’m already getting to be myself again. I feel clearer, and more upbeat. Thanks for everything guys, heres to hoping…no heres to KNOWING I’ll stay on track!

Well done! Its great that youve got such supportive friends on your hands.

Good stuff dude keep it up!

Hey that’s great Nightowl. I’m proud of you. Really do check out Narcotics Anonymous though. You’re going to need support of people who are fighting the fight.

Nightowl wrote:
I’m in a bad place again. I feel alone, like everyone puts on a face around me, but secretly despises me. I dont know why I feel like this, these feelings just come out of nowhere!!! Has it really only been 10 hours since my last reply? God it feels like its been at least a few days. I think I might be insane…or at least have something very, very wrong going on with my emotions…I’m scared and I dont know how to fix myself.

Your “self-medication” is probably causing all your wonderful chemical imbalances and paranioia. I would try detoxing and relaxing. You’re your own worst enemy right now. Take it easy and you should be fine in a few days or weeks.

Nightowl wrote:
I’m in a bad place again. I feel alone, like everyone puts on a face around me, but secretly despises me. I dont know why I feel like this, these feelings just come out of nowhere!!! Has it really only been 10 hours since my last reply? God it feels like its been at least a few days. I think I might be insane…or at least have something very, very wrong going on with my emotions…I’m scared and I dont know how to fix myself.

Its just paranoia, it sucks but youre just gonna need to see it out. You arent alone, there are hundreds and hundreds of people going through the exact same thing, you just need to stay stong.

You shouldn’t feel ashamed or alone. Your not alone, everyone on help.com is here for you. And you have nothing to be ashamed about. Your not drawing attention to yourself, your just sharing how you feel, thats not somthing to be ashamed about.

Nighttowl, please don’t kill yourself, help.com wouldn’t be the same without you. You also have so much to live for. You should also try to stop using all recreational drugs, they may make you feel really good at the time, but you’d feel better over all if you stoped using them, they’re very bad for you.

You’re not alone Nightowl. But your online friends can only do so much. That’s why you need friends where you are who aren’t into drugs. Contact Narcotics Anonymous at na.org. They have meetings in nearly every town.

well… i have to say.. i have not read everyone’s replies.. but i have read youre replies… and i do have to say that when people tell you that you are brilliant beyond your years.. that doesnt mean that you are old my dear friend.. it just means that you are wise… it means that you use a lot of thought and reasoning behind making decisions…. which will explain WHY you have chosen to make this post… and not just jump the gun and run for what may seem like the fastest route…
it doesnt mean that you are old… by any means…

as for your parents.. im so sorry that you feel that you have no parental support there… have you tried to talk to your parents about how you feel?
as for the drug issues.. you have also got to learn that drugs are evil… and im sure you have learned that in school as a young child…. and this could very well be your big issue in a lot of things.. causing you to feel the way that you do in many things… causing depression, causing you to feel paranoia, causing you to just feel alone in many ways… i suggest that you seek help for this issue… especially if you are seeking harder drugs… it can only lead into trouble…
if you feel that deep down the reason that you chose to start drugs is due to issues at home… then maybe you are suffering from depression.. but still.. there is still help out there for you.. but either way.. you need to seek out some sort of support system dear friend… do you still attend school? there are people at school that you can talk too that have to keep things confidential… i suggest talking to them.. and getting some sort of help for what is going on… so that you can start getting things sorted and feeling better about yourself…
but first of all.. you need to sit back.. scroll up on this page and know for a fact that YOU are cared about!! no, we may not be in your ‘real’ world like we would all love to be at times… but we all still care… so big HUGS just for you… get well .. love shie.

Nightowl wrote:
Ok, so…I’ve been staying on track for the most part. No dope, no coke, no dex. Things are starting to look brighter, and I’m not so paranoid anymore. I’ve gotten my focus back, and am feeling overall happier. Heres to staying clean!

Wahey! Glad to hear it!

Nightowl wrote:
Ok, so…I’ve been staying on track for the most part. No dope, no coke, no dex. Things are starting to look brighter, and I’m not so paranoid anymore. I’ve gotten my focus back, and am feeling overall happier. Heres to staying clean!

=D Thats great Nightowl! You don’t need those drugs to feel good, they just mess you up.

keep fighting, and staying clean. i wish you the best!

I hope you get through this. its not easy and it sucks. Im trying to come off of a lot of different drugs now too. Im not addicted to anything Im just addicted to the feeling I get when I use. You can get that feeling by doing so many things. The only problem is that the things you have to do are “bad”. If only there was a better way to escape. I’ll tell you if I ever find one. In the mean time I guess you should do what you think is right. If you really want to get clean than I hope youre able to. sadly im in the same state as you and I have no idea what Im doing so I wont be of much help. sorry. If im able to think of anything helpful then i’ll tell you…

Nightowl wrote:
Well, I thought long and hard last night. I decided I’m going to get clean. I talked to my best friend, and he said he’d be there for me the entire way. I’m even going to stop smoking cigs as much. I’m going to start meditating again, since I havent done that in the longest time. I tried for the first time in months the other night, and everything became clearer. My view of reality has be skewed by my pessimism, on top of my moderate drug use.

Heres to you, if all of you hadnt taken the time to reply to my post, I would have never stopped and thought, and instead of getting clean, I would be dosing on DXM right now (DXM is a nifty lil drug found in robotussin). Thank you.

We made a difference? Hurray and Congrats!

You need professional help outside of the realm of possibility presented here. I mean the kind of help you get from a reputable behavioral health professional; whether a psychiatrist, psychologist or any other. Seriously, professional help, it’s good, get some soon.

Please don’t harm yourself dear, people do care.
I’ve been where you are now, in a way. I’ve been so suicidal in the past that I was in a vicious loop of wanting to die, but not having the nerve, and then wanting to die all the more because I was afraid to. I understand that you’re frustrated and hopeless and that you’re in a bad place right now.
But bad things don’t last forever. I crawled out of my bout of suicide attempts with little dignity, no self respect, and nonexistant confidence. But since then I’ve slowly worked myself back into the world and while the past still hurts, it only hurts. It doesn’t make me want to die.

I hope that you can hold off, tell yourself that are ways to get help, that you can find a future where you will live for something you believe in. I urge you to go to a counselor or therapist of some sort, because they can help. Not all, I’ve had some crockpot therapists before, but they should be able to put you in touch with assistance.

I’m really glad to hear that you are feeling and doing better, keep positive. You are not alone and really never will be, there are always people facing the same things. There are always people to reach out to, and people who will want to reach out to you. 3 Stay strong