Love help: A tribute to loneliness. - Help.com

A tribute to loneliness.

“I was bullied when I was little,” he said. He faced the room with a smile on his face. “I was one of the ‘invisible children’ you could call us. We were the ones you saw in corners, or sitting alone in the schoolyard. We always ate lunch alone. We played alone. No one wanted to be my friend.” He sighed and shook his head. “I guess that was partly my fault. I wasn’t very social. I wouldn’t have known how to play with others if I tried.

“The thing that got to you, after awhile, was the loneliness. I used to tell myself I liked being alone. That I didn’t really like any of the other children my age. The truth is, no one likes being alone. There’s only so much you can do by yourself. Imaginary friends only last so long. There’s only so much time you can stand no one talking to you. I was always picked last for sports or group work. When I spoke, nobody heard me. It was like I wasn’t there. Most of the time people didn’t even realize they were ignoring me. I was just… invisible.” He smiled thinly. Too thinly.

“That broke my heart, it really did. Feeling as though I didn’t exist. The times when the bigger boys picked on me for laughing or crying or just not being like them came as a profound relief from not being seen by them at all. I was quite the emotion boy back the, so I made an easy target. Most of the time, though, they acted like I didn’t exist. I really can’t stress that enough. For several years, as a young, developing child, the world was telling me that I did not exist. That stung, all right, but it never made me angry - to be angry you need a voice, and that’s the one thing I didn’t have.

“One day, though, there was this haunted house the older students had set up. And I’ll tell you, that was one **** scary haunted house. I challenge you to find students twice their age who could have done a job like that in such a small space. We all went through, laughing and joking. I came out shaken. My eyes had been opened up, you see, to something- but that is a story for another time. The other boys jogged off, laughing and bragging about their exploits. I dragged myself to the side and sat down. Then this girl… her name was Alison, though I forget with how many Ls. She was sweet, with a good heart and a strong head, and I admit I’d had a kind of little-boy crush on her for a long time. She came and sat next to me. And I moved away. The most terrible thing… the one time someone was actually there for me, that was the one time I wanted to be alone. And so, for the next three years that I knew her, she, just like everyone else, left me alone.

“But you know what?” He chuckled. “Those years, those lonely years, made me who I am today. It took all that time to find myself, to bring out the courage I needed to be assertive. It wasn’t long after that time that I began to talk to people. I had friends, for awhile. I started to learn more. Now I’m just as social as anyone else. And because of those empty years, I had much more time to think. That’s why I came out on top in the end. I owe so, so much of my success these past weeks to those years spent by myself.”

And he waved, and gave a little bow, and many people applauded before moving on to the next speaker. But his eyes told a different story.

They said, I will never forgive you. I may move on, I may laugh it off when we remember the old times, I may even thank you for doing this to me. But I will never forgive you. I was alone, and you ignored me. You knew that I was lonely, but you did nothing. You knew my voice was quiet, but you did not listen. You knew that I was sensitive, but you did not soften your blows. I am strong only because you hurt me. You took Alison away from me. I will never forgive you.

Thank you.

This open post was written 9 months, 4 weeks ago | V/U/S: 293, 7, 6 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

lonely, Child, Love (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

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