history help: I have two friends who get a lot of negative treatment from their bfs.

lindaxfische

I have two friends who get a lot of negative treatment from their bfs.

They insult them and abuse their good natures. The funny thing is, right from the beginning in both cases, outsiders could tell this would happen. The guys were mildly insulting on the first encounter. If you go back for more, what do you expect. I believe that deep down, the women knew right from the get go that this person is not treating them right, but for some reason they ignore the signs. For example. if a guy says to a girl on the first date “I am surprised you don’t know how to swim because you live so near the water.” take that as a negative comment and say thanks, but no thanks, politely of course. Never make excuses for anyone until you have known them at least 50 years.

This open post was written 1 year ago | V/U/S: 184, 10, 2 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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Since writing this post lindaxfische may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. lindaxfische is a verified member, has been around for 1 year, 1 month and has 10 posts and 97 replies to their name.

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An Unknown Location | 1 year ago (17 minutes after post)

I feel sad for women who do this. I mean, it’s better to be single than to be with someone who doesn’t treat you well. We should be proud of what we are and expect our partners to love us the way we are. Your friends should just leave those guys. Women should understand that they deserve good men and should not settle for anyone average just because they are single.

Help me with: This site has started to suck now.

Jules22871 1 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year ago (23 minutes after post)

“I am surprised you don’t know how to swim because you live so near the water.”

That is really not what I would call a negative comment. I would have said the same thing to someone that lives near water and doesn’t know how to swim. Shoot, I have said something about someone not knowing how to swim and we live in Tennessee.

Help me with: This was written for me and my husband after our motorcycle accident and was published in a couple for biker magazines.

lindaxfische 2 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year ago (28 minutes after post)

That is a negative observation stated in a situation where it was not called for. What i someone says, I am surprised you don’t know how to drive since you are 19. Is that their business at this stage. At any rate, judgemental comments so early on are not a good sign IMO.

Help me with: I think people who are in suicidal mode shold consider going to a site where that is the topic.

Jules22871 1 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year ago (35 minutes after post)

I wouldnt’ consider that a negative comment either, just an observation. Why is it wrong to talk about something that is not the norm? I’m 43 and I dont drive. I get comments like that all the time. There is nothing wrong with them.

Help me with: This was written for me and my husband after our motorcycle accident and was published in a couple for biker magazines.

Jules22871 1 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year ago (36 minutes after post)

PS: They are not judgmental unless you make them that way. People often make surprised comments when they observe something that isn’t the norm. No biggie.

Help me with: This was written for me and my husband after our motorcycle accident and was published in a couple for biker magazines.

lindaxfische 2 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year ago (48 minutes after post)

Maybe I am wrong but I don’t believe that a man just gets up one day and starts to beat his gf. The signs are there from earlier times. Some people just want to ignore the signs because their agenda is elsewhere. A person must be careful about their choice of intimates.IMO

Help me with: I think people who are in suicidal mode shold consider going to a site where that is the topic.

Jules22871 1 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year ago (53 minutes after post)

lindaxfische wrote:
Maybe I am wrong but I don’t believe that a man just gets up one day and starts to beat his gf. The signs are there from earlier times. Some people just want to ignore the signs because their agenda is elsewhere. A person must be careful about their choice of intimates.IMO

See, this is the first time you have said they are being physically abused. That is totally different from what we had been discussing. And yeah, it can happen that way. I had no idea my first husband was going to hit me until I was picking my butt up off the floor. He had never made any indication that things were going to go that way.

If they are being physically abused then they should leave now. If they are being told things like, you are stupid, you are worthless, you can’t do anything right, that is negative comments. Things like “I would have thought you could cook since your mom is so good at it” is not a negative comment, it is an observation.

Help me with: This was written for me and my husband after our motorcycle accident and was published in a couple for biker magazines.

lindaxfische 2 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year ago (1 hour, 23 minutes after post)

It is an observation, but it is the same as a glass being half full or half empty. If you want to comment on something you can do it in a positive way. For example, Jules22871, you could say I know you are going to be a great cook, look at the teacher you have had. Same point made but made positively. That is all I am saying. Why accept negativity?

Help me with: I think people who are in suicidal mode shold consider going to a site where that is the topic.

Jules22871 1 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year ago (1 hour, 31 minutes after post)

Ok then, aren’t you seeing the glass half empty by assuming what they are saying is negative?

I get so freaking tired of trying to keep the self esteem up of everyone around me. What has happened to having a backbone and taking a comment for what it is, just a comment. I am so tired of having to be careful so I don’t hurt someone’s feelings by saying the wrong thing or using the wrong tone. This world is so politically correct that it is impossible for anyone to be themselves. If you are being yourself then you will offend someone. Get over it people. Not everyone is going to like you or what you say or how you say it.

I am done here.

Help me with: This was written for me and my husband after our motorcycle accident and was published in a couple for biker magazines.

lindaxfische 2 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year ago (10 hours, 53 minutes after post)

Jules, I don’t think we are on the same page. I am talking about people taking severe abuse and how to catch it in the bud before it spreads. It is not for nothing that some women go from one abusive relationship to another while other women are never involved in them. It is more than just good luck IMO.

Help me with: I think people who are in suicidal mode shold consider going to a site where that is the topic.

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I have two friends who get a lot of negative treatment from their bfs.

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