Embarrassment help: Ever had a friend go through a public scandal? - Help.com

I’ll start with a story of one friend’s experience: I know a church pastor who was accused of stealing money from one of her church members. She was in charge of his finances because he was elderly and disabled. When his crazy son tried to steal all his money she transferred it out of his account to protect it. Of course she gave it all back, but because of the transfer, she is now a convicted felon. She lost her ministry and her public reputation over it. It changed her life, and it was all because she tried to do the right thing.

What would you have done?

Yes, but it was atypical. He went against a bunch of criminals in Cambodia and ended up being framed as a *********.

He didn’t deal with it too well, as it was what his NGO was trying to fight against. He got depressed and left for Laos. Not a happy ending sorry. He’s ok, and learned a few things about the smart way to do things

The reason I ask is because I’m trying to help a friend through a scandal. He has all the cards stacked against him–media, corrupt former colleagues–you name it! But he is an honest guy. He’s being torn to shreds by the public, and I want to help him.

life is not fair. You could help him by taking him down the beach and going for a swim - puts things in perspective. Coward? yep, but if you haven’t got a chance, a cold beer on the beach with a friend is not a bad back up plan.

Hope you can find a better solution.

Anything he does right now people will think he’s cowardly. But you’re right, he needs a fresh perspective.

The media is quick to condemn, but not to forgive, unfortunately.

The media is about selling papers, not about sharing the truth. I have tried angles but nothing has worked well for me. Focus on doing your job well and don’t rock the boat, or become a journalist. Dang, I am such a defeatist… Oh well, best of luck to him. I think just knowing he has a friend is great. Show him, don’t tell him, that you are mates no matter what.

I once had a moment where my best mate just wandered on in through the situation and offered me a home made sandwhich. It hard to imagine the strength that kind of low down validation can give. Shore, the other dude had the power and the gun, but I had a home made sandwich, nothing could touch me.

That’s a fabulous point. :) Thanks for sharing it.

I can’t solve his problems, but I keep trying to think of things to do anyway because I am so disgusted by what’s being done to him.

guess it comes down to…

- fixing the situation
- validating, expressing and sorting your emotions
- being there for your friend when HE needs it.

For me it’s also a decision of to what lengths do I go to protest local corruption? Do I bother?

thats a tought one. The easy answer isn’t right IMO.

After travelling I realised that corruption was everywhere, and in many forms. So for me, it comes down to the basics of what percentage of corruption, are services actaully happening, and is anyone being hurt. That and the fact that if I made any sort of stand againt it, my capacity to continue in my job, which I thought was worthwhile, would be diminished.

You can do a table of pro and con’s of different types of protest.

Or you could follow your gut and megaphone it up and down the street.

I’m not planning on becoming a whistleblower. My friend isn’t planning to, either. He was lost in the game of corruption for a long time and just wants out. He doesn’t want to ruin a whole bunch of other people’s lives, even though they are ruining his.

I traveled, too, but I was always blissfully unaware of the corruption around me. Now that I’ve seen how it can destroy talent and ruin good people, though, I’m trying to think of ways to battle it more effectively.

well, all the best with that.

thanks. I’ll definitely keep that in mind about the sandwich.