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My ex-boyfriend won’t date me again because he’s afraid of “hurting me.” Help!
My ex-boyfriend recently called me on Valentines Day (mind you we talk almost everyday as ‘just friends’), and I was really surprised that he asked me to be his Valentine — of course I said yes, I was beyond happy that he called and moreso that he asked ME to be his Valentine! I was really happy but I began to cry on the phone because I was reminded of how my last ex broke up with me on Valentines Day and also because it reminded me that I still love my ex-boyfriend and want to be with him. He got really upset (crying) and finally told me he couldn’t be with me because he didn’t want to hurt me again, that he hated to hurt me, and didn’t like to see me cry.
I don’t know what to do in this situation. I’ve told him that things are different now, we’ve both learned and grown from our mistakes and he still tells me he can’t. We’ve been involved with each other on and off (not dating) for the past 3 months and I’ve always told him I love him (until recently when I stopped), so he knows I do but I’m really confused. Recently he’s told me that there’s a girl he still really likes (which absolutely murdered me inside when he told me) and such, and I’m just wondering if he’s holding back completely from being with me because he doesn’t want to hurt me, or because he doesn’t want to walk away from her?
I really love him and care for him. We’ve been through a lot and I feel that our relationship in general has matured and we’ve learned more about each other than what we knew when we first dated, so I’d like to make a fresh start, especially if he really DOES mean it when he says “I love you”, and whatnot. Valentines Day is the first day in 3 months that my ex actually treated me like he used to, all affectionate, cutesy, etc. and then we got into an argument about dating again.. Everytime I find space to work with he tells me “No” and to “Please stop.”
So in the end I don’t know how to get with him again. I don’t want to force myself on him or make him feel like that, but I just feel that if he truly loves me and cares for me wouldn’t he want to be with me? He doesn’t want to hurt me, but I’ve made it clear to him that it’s hurting me far more that he’s NOT going out with me. What do I do? What can I say to him? He’s really upset with me because of the argument, too. I texted him a lot with some rather.. harsh things, so I feel kinda bad but at the same time I wish he would stop and see just how much I really love him.
So, bottom line is: Is he not dating me because of this or is it because of the other girl involved as well? If he loves me and doesn’t want to hurt me, why doesn’t he prevent this by just being with me? What can I do? I’m really at a loss for what I can do.
Oh, and on a sidenote I’ve TRIED moving on from my ex. We talk everyday but it was always on a friends-only basis and it’s just that the feelings have never gone away for him, and apparently, his feelings for me have never dimmed either, even though he’s hurt me in the past by saying he only loves me as a friend, etc. etc. I really just wanna be with him again! I hope I don’t sound desperate or pushy, I just wanna be able to show the man I love that I DO love him and that we CAN make it WITHOUT the so-called “hurt” that he’s mentioning (although I agree that all couples will have their rough patches). Please help!!
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