suicide help: i’m really scaring myself. - Help.com

beyondconfuse
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i’m really scaring myself.

i decided to stop taking my medication (lithium and abilify), and now i am seriously contemplating suicide. and for some reason, that’s sits well with me. i am okay with that. but it’s still freaking me out. i know that this will continue for the next few days, but i’m afraid that i am too impulsive. i already lined the side of my leg with cuts, but this time, it’s not enough. i have a stash of various medications, and i have blades… i just want someone to tell me that everything is going to be okay…

This open post was written 9 months, 1 week ago | V/U/S: 239, 35, 7 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post


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Since writing this post beyondconfuse may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. beyondconfuse is a verified member, has been around for 1 year, 3 months and has 58 posts and 267 replies to their name.

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HelpBot offline Verified User (0 minutes) Shouts: 5 #
San Francisco, CA, US | 9 months, 1 week ago (0 minutes after post)

If you are contemplating suicide, hurting yourself, or you are seriously depressed: please, seek professional help!

Call this hotline (1-800-273-8255) operated by our friends at the
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faolteine offline Verified User (2 years, 2 months) Long Term User Shouts: 1 #
Swillington, O7, GB | 9 months, 1 week ago (4 minutes after post)

everything is going to be ok

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faolteine offline Verified User (2 years, 2 months) Long Term User Shouts: 1 #
Swillington, O7, GB | 9 months, 1 week ago (4 minutes after post)

do you have any idear why you want to die?

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beyondconfuse offline Verified User (1 year, 3 months) Long Term User Shouts: 2 #
An Unknown Location | 9 months, 1 week ago (6 minutes after post)

i am overwhelmed with pain. i don’t think anyone should have to deal with me. i am no good at anything. i cannot get out of my vortex of self-hatred.

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faolteine offline Verified User (2 years, 2 months) Long Term User Shouts: 1 #
Swillington, O7, GB | 9 months, 1 week ago (8 minutes after post)

awww come on there must be somthing your good at, somthing you take pride in

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beyondconfuse offline Verified User (1 year, 3 months) Long Term User Shouts: 2 #
An Unknown Location | 9 months, 1 week ago (12 minutes after post)

i feel guilty for taking pride in anything. i used to be proud of my artwork, until i realized that the crap i was creating isn’t worthy of being labelled “art.” i used to be proud of a lot of things, but now i realize that i am not worth it. and even the negativity i have, i’m not worth that. i don’t deserve to deal with anything, so i should be surrounded by nothing. i need nothingness to surround me.

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faolteine offline Verified User (2 years, 2 months) Long Term User Shouts: 1 #
Swillington, O7, GB | 9 months, 1 week ago (14 minutes after post)

but then if your surrounded by nothing how can you ever find somthing you can take pride in again?

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beyondconfuse offline Verified User (1 year, 3 months) Long Term User Shouts: 2 #
An Unknown Location | 9 months, 1 week ago (16 minutes after post)

i don’t need anything to take pride in. i want to be dead. i guess i could take pride in that.

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faolteine offline Verified User (2 years, 2 months) Long Term User Shouts: 1 #
Swillington, O7, GB | 9 months, 1 week ago (18 minutes after post)

we all die, how can you take pride in that? and why do you feel guilty in feeling pride?

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beyondconfuse offline Verified User (1 year, 3 months) Long Term User Shouts: 2 #
An Unknown Location | 9 months, 1 week ago (22 minutes after post)

there’s not much here for me to take pride in. pride isn’t something i like to be around. pride taints people, and in turn, people become arrogant and hurtful.

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faolteine offline Verified User (2 years, 2 months) Long Term User Shouts: 1 #
Swillington, O7, GB | 9 months, 1 week ago (27 minutes after post)

not always, i saw a lad take his first step not to long ago, his farther was so prowed he was nearly in tears. pride itself is not a bad thing

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beyondconfuse offline Verified User (1 year, 3 months) Long Term User Shouts: 2 #
An Unknown Location | 9 months, 1 week ago (32 minutes after post)

that’s pride in someone, not personal pride.

i don’t think anything is going to help me now, to be honest. my mind is too blocked. it was a little naïve of me to think anything would make a difference. thank you for trying.

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faolteine offline Verified User (2 years, 2 months) Long Term User Shouts: 1 #
Swillington, O7, GB | 9 months, 1 week ago (35 minutes after post)

if you realise this is wrong and you ask for help why are you still going to do it?

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faolteine offline Verified User (2 years, 2 months) Long Term User Shouts: 1 #
Swillington, O7, GB | 9 months, 1 week ago (39 minutes after post)

think about why u asked for help and think is this what u really want?

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beyondconfuse offline Verified User (1 year, 3 months) Long Term User Shouts: 2 #
An Unknown Location | 9 months, 1 week ago (41 minutes after post)

i’m not going to do anything right now. i’m going to sit down and think long and hard about this. my mind is contradictory, one side will win eventually, i guess.

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faolteine offline Verified User (2 years, 2 months) Long Term User Shouts: 1 #
Swillington, O7, GB | 9 months, 1 week ago (41 minutes after post)

well if u need sombody to talk to i will be hear

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beyondconfuse offline Verified User (1 year, 3 months) Long Term User Shouts: 2 #
An Unknown Location | 9 months, 1 week ago (43 minutes after post)

thank you. i’m sorry if i bothered you, or if i led you to believe that i wasn’t somewhat of a lost cause.

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faolteine offline Verified User (2 years, 2 months) Long Term User Shouts: 1 #
Swillington, O7, GB | 9 months, 1 week ago (45 minutes after post)

you never have to appologise to me and if you were a lost course then you wouldnt have come seeking help

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marckoliu offline Verified User (9 months, 1 week) Long Term User Shouts: 0 #
An Unknown Location | 9 months, 1 week ago (50 minutes after post)

I agree from earlier. Pride is usually a bad thing. As to the last couple posts, I was a junkie for years, I sought help for years, yet until I recieved the right kind of help, (medicinal for me), I still did that which sought to destroy me. Any way, beyondconfuse, things are not what they seem. This is a battle for your soul, and there are players in this game. Please do not succumb. Please know that you are valuable and worthy of joy and accomplishment. Remember how you felt when you were creating your art…the hell with if anyone liked it or not. This life is an illusion. Its real enough, but it is so fleeting and temporary. Find that joy of creating, and remember that you are a creation your self, a piece of art so to speak;)

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beyondconfuse offline Verified User (1 year, 3 months) Long Term User Shouts: 2 #
An Unknown Location | 9 months, 1 week ago (1 hour, 32 minutes after post)

okay, well i thought things out a little bit. i’m not going to do anything tonight. i don’t know if i will do anything tomorrow, but i’m going to try to not harm myself tonight. i just hope that i won’t screw up tomorrow and tell someone. i regret making this post. maybe i would have actually killed myself. i’m probably too weak to even do that.

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faolteine offline Verified User (2 years, 2 months) Long Term User Shouts: 1 #
Swillington, O7, GB | 9 months, 1 week ago (1 hour, 38 minutes after post)

why do u regret making this post? we all die thats the way lfe is, but when ur down and you feel alone death is the easyest thing in the world, its being able to face tommorow that takes strength

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beyondconfuse offline Verified User (1 year, 3 months) Long Term User Shouts: 2 #
An Unknown Location | 9 months, 1 week ago (1 hour, 57 minutes after post)

in making this post, i am questioning my initial judgement. i don’t want to do that. death is a rather difficult thing to achieve, though. it takes a lot of willpower to actually go through with something. i’ve just been chipping away at mine… my head hurts so much because i know i am not thinking straight. i should just hide in a little fort until this is over.

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faolteine offline Verified User (2 years, 2 months) Long Term User Shouts: 1 #
Swillington, O7, GB | 9 months, 1 week ago (2 hours, 6 minutes after post)

hide untill whats over?

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beyondconfuse offline Verified User (1 year, 3 months) Long Term User Shouts: 2 #
An Unknown Location | 9 months, 1 week ago (2 hours, 15 minutes after post)

i think this may just be the backlash of my medication.

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faolteine offline Verified User (2 years, 2 months) Long Term User Shouts: 1 #
Swillington, O7, GB | 9 months, 1 week ago (2 hours, 18 minutes after post)

i see, it probably would be best to wait it out untill ur heads cleared

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beyondconfuse offline Verified User (1 year, 3 months) Long Term User Shouts: 2 #
An Unknown Location | 9 months, 1 week ago (2 hours, 22 minutes after post)

yeah, but i don’t know if this is from medication or the new, changed me.

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bookworm16 offline Verified User (2 years, 4 months) Long Term User Shouts: 2 #
An Undisclosed Location | 9 months, 1 week ago (6 hours, 49 minutes after post)

Would you rather believe that it is the medication or the new, changed you?

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beyondconfuse offline Verified User (1 year, 3 months) Long Term User Shouts: 2 #
An Unknown Location | 9 months, 1 week ago (18 hours, 33 minutes after post)

part of me wishes that it’s the new me so that i can go ahead and have the determination to commit suicide.

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bookworm16 offline Verified User (2 years, 4 months) Long Term User Shouts: 2 #
An Undisclosed Location | 9 months, 1 week ago (19 hours, 16 minutes after post)

What about the other part, what does the other part of you wish?

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beyondconfuse offline Verified User (1 year, 3 months) Long Term User Shouts: 2 #
An Unknown Location | 9 months, 1 week ago (19 hours, 37 minutes after post)

the other part of me thinks, not really wishes, that it’s only temporary.

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thehated99999 offline Verified User (9 months, 2 weeks) Long Term User Shouts: 0 #
An Unknown Location | 9 months, 1 week ago (1 day, 3 hours after post)

you stop taking lithium and abilfiy thos are med for bi polar disorder…………your feeling more suicidal caz your in you depressive state and eventually your go back to the manic state

take your meds lithium alone will help you feel better and its not even a real drug its merely a element that is known to help bi polar disorder

calm down and start taking your meds again they will make you think clear thos meds dont change your way of thinking and make you super happy or something like reg antidepressants. thos meds that you take merly take your brain back to normal function take thos meds they will help your not expressing depression your expressing the effects of the ups and down of bi polar disorder

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bookworm16 offline Verified User (2 years, 4 months) Long Term User Shouts: 2 #
An Undisclosed Location | 9 months, 1 week ago (1 day, 13 hours after post)

Do you want this to be the new you?

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notamerelif offline Verified User (9 months, 2 weeks) Long Term User Shouts: 0 #
An Unknown Location | 9 months, 1 week ago (2 days, 1 hour after post)

i understand what you’re going through. i’ve been there. i got scared when i thought about suicide and let that sink with me before due to the feeling of hopelessness. the worst thing about it is that you dont know what makes you unhappy.. it just feels so weird and so hopeless… so unreal but so real. then you try to do everything you could to make life more meaningful. still not. that was why i was contemplating suicide too…. but not anymore. i figured that there is a god-shaped hole in every man’s heart that only a person god-sized can fill and i found that in jesus… i;m not preaching, but just offering my experience and perspective to you. have you ever thought to seek help from god? though you might think he doesnt care, he does really care… and listen. and he loves you more than you know… meds are only temporary, but what we really need is love. that i found in him.

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thehated99999 offline Verified User (9 months, 2 weeks) Long Term User Shouts: 0 #
An Unknown Location | 9 months, 1 week ago (2 days, 2 hours after post)

oh someone just died and another in 30 seconds

suicide is the answer to 1 out of 100 situations im sure yours probably isnt that one percent. express yourself write what your feeling use words talk to friend for tonight vent get out you emotions any way you can or know how to tho writing is most recommend especially by hand.

marro try to get help from a professional it will make all the difference dont be afriad to get help

as well as dont be afraid of the problems that are making you feel this way, people feel suicidal all the time they just learned how to cope and changed there feelings to properly handle what bothers them.

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obxjav offline Unverified User #
An Unknown Location | 9 months, 1 week ago (3 days, 23 hours after post)

I’ve been contemplating suicide some too. Def not as much as this person has. Hey, Please do not kill yourself. I know what you are going through. I am right there w/ you.

Besides the meds, a mixture of pain can come cascading down on you in waves. Mixture of failures, regrets, sorrows, people you might have lost… I know what you mean. Birthparents I want to die, never met them. They abused my brothers and I when we were little. Don’t remember it. I was 1 when I was adopted. I at least know my dad did. …
I live w/ one of my brothers, don’t know where to find my other 2. Don’t remember what they look like and don’t know the names they got after we were separated.

BeyondConfuse, are you still there? I hope you have not gone through with killing yourself. There are too many people who care for you. When you feel alone and think that life is ****, know that there is at least one person out there who cares if you die or not. I don’t know you,… but I care. Please stay alive.

I am having trouble w/ “love” between my longdistance boyfriend of almost 10 months. Communication is bad. Know how that is BeyondConfuse? It’s like being attatched to someone less than what they need you. I feel lonely, sad, and teared up inside. It’s hard. I think of just leaving. Leaving everyone. But I think of how much my parents who adopted me and raised me and my other bloodbrother as their own would be torn. They would question if it was there fault. I don’t want to do that. I love them more than this person. I just hope my relationship w/ him doesn’t end…

Basically BeyondConfuse, I know how you feel.

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