i’m really scaring myself.
i decided to stop taking my medication (lithium and abilify), and now i am seriously contemplating suicide. and for some reason, that’s sits well with me. i am okay with that. but it’s still freaking me out. i know that this will continue for the next few days, but i’m afraid that i am too impulsive. i already lined the side of my leg with cuts, but this time, it’s not enough. i have a stash of various medications, and i have blades… i just want someone to tell me that everything is going to be okay…
This open post was written 9 months, 1 week ago | V/U/S: 239, 35, 7 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post
Reciprocity (0)
Since writing this post beyondconfuse may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. beyondconfuse is a verified member, has been around for 1 year, 3 months and has 58 posts and 267 replies to their name.
Post Tags (2)
Replies (35)
Where were you?
You can also watch events on Help.com as they happen
If you are contemplating suicide, hurting yourself, or you are seriously depressed: please, seek professional help!
Call this hotline (1-800-273-8255) operated by our friends at the
Suicide Prevention Lifeline, anytime, for free, professional, and
confidential assistance. While other Help.com users are likely to reply
to your post, please make sure you understand that your use of Help.com
falls under our TOS.
Note: I’m a robot that the Help.com staff created. If this response is in error, I apologize, please ignore it.
i am overwhelmed with pain. i don’t think anyone should have to deal with me. i am no good at anything. i cannot get out of my vortex of self-hatred.
awww come on there must be somthing your good at, somthing you take pride in
i feel guilty for taking pride in anything. i used to be proud of my artwork, until i realized that the crap i was creating isn’t worthy of being labelled “art.” i used to be proud of a lot of things, but now i realize that i am not worth it. and even the negativity i have, i’m not worth that. i don’t deserve to deal with anything, so i should be surrounded by nothing. i need nothingness to surround me.
but then if your surrounded by nothing how can you ever find somthing you can take pride in again?
i don’t need anything to take pride in. i want to be dead. i guess i could take pride in that.
we all die, how can you take pride in that? and why do you feel guilty in feeling pride?
there’s not much here for me to take pride in. pride isn’t something i like to be around. pride taints people, and in turn, people become arrogant and hurtful.
not always, i saw a lad take his first step not to long ago, his farther was so prowed he was nearly in tears. pride itself is not a bad thing
that’s pride in someone, not personal pride.
i don’t think anything is going to help me now, to be honest. my mind is too blocked. it was a little naïve of me to think anything would make a difference. thank you for trying.
if you realise this is wrong and you ask for help why are you still going to do it?
think about why u asked for help and think is this what u really want?
i’m not going to do anything right now. i’m going to sit down and think long and hard about this. my mind is contradictory, one side will win eventually, i guess.
thank you. i’m sorry if i bothered you, or if i led you to believe that i wasn’t somewhat of a lost cause.
you never have to appologise to me and if you were a lost course then you wouldnt have come seeking help
I agree from earlier. Pride is usually a bad thing. As to the last couple posts, I was a junkie for years, I sought help for years, yet until I recieved the right kind of help, (medicinal for me), I still did that which sought to destroy me. Any way, beyondconfuse, things are not what they seem. This is a battle for your soul, and there are players in this game. Please do not succumb. Please know that you are valuable and worthy of joy and accomplishment. Remember how you felt when you were creating your art…the hell with if anyone liked it or not. This life is an illusion. Its real enough, but it is so fleeting and temporary. Find that joy of creating, and remember that you are a creation your self, a piece of art so to speak;)
okay, well i thought things out a little bit. i’m not going to do anything tonight. i don’t know if i will do anything tomorrow, but i’m going to try to not harm myself tonight. i just hope that i won’t screw up tomorrow and tell someone. i regret making this post. maybe i would have actually killed myself. i’m probably too weak to even do that.
why do u regret making this post? we all die thats the way lfe is, but when ur down and you feel alone death is the easyest thing in the world, its being able to face tommorow that takes strength
in making this post, i am questioning my initial judgement. i don’t want to do that. death is a rather difficult thing to achieve, though. it takes a lot of willpower to actually go through with something. i’ve just been chipping away at mine… my head hurts so much because i know i am not thinking straight. i should just hide in a little fort until this is over.
i see, it probably would be best to wait it out untill ur heads cleared
yeah, but i don’t know if this is from medication or the new, changed me.
Would you rather believe that it is the medication or the new, changed you?
part of me wishes that it’s the new me so that i can go ahead and have the determination to commit suicide.
What about the other part, what does the other part of you wish?
the other part of me thinks, not really wishes, that it’s only temporary.
you stop taking lithium and abilfiy thos are med for bi polar disorder…………your feeling more suicidal caz your in you depressive state and eventually your go back to the manic state
take your meds lithium alone will help you feel better and its not even a real drug its merely a element that is known to help bi polar disorder
calm down and start taking your meds again they will make you think clear thos meds dont change your way of thinking and make you super happy or something like reg antidepressants. thos meds that you take merly take your brain back to normal function take thos meds they will help your not expressing depression your expressing the effects of the ups and down of bi polar disorder
i understand what you’re going through. i’ve been there. i got scared when i thought about suicide and let that sink with me before due to the feeling of hopelessness. the worst thing about it is that you dont know what makes you unhappy.. it just feels so weird and so hopeless… so unreal but so real. then you try to do everything you could to make life more meaningful. still not. that was why i was contemplating suicide too…. but not anymore. i figured that there is a god-shaped hole in every man’s heart that only a person god-sized can fill and i found that in jesus… i;m not preaching, but just offering my experience and perspective to you. have you ever thought to seek help from god? though you might think he doesnt care, he does really care… and listen. and he loves you more than you know… meds are only temporary, but what we really need is love. that i found in him.
oh someone just died and another in 30 seconds
suicide is the answer to 1 out of 100 situations im sure yours probably isnt that one percent. express yourself write what your feeling use words talk to friend for tonight vent get out you emotions any way you can or know how to tho writing is most recommend especially by hand.
marro try to get help from a professional it will make all the difference dont be afriad to get help
as well as dont be afraid of the problems that are making you feel this way, people feel suicidal all the time they just learned how to cope and changed there feelings to properly handle what bothers them.
I’ve been contemplating suicide some too. Def not as much as this person has. Hey, Please do not kill yourself. I know what you are going through. I am right there w/ you.
Besides the meds, a mixture of pain can come cascading down on you in waves. Mixture of failures, regrets, sorrows, people you might have lost… I know what you mean. Birthparents I want to die, never met them. They abused my brothers and I when we were little. Don’t remember it. I was 1 when I was adopted. I at least know my dad did. …
I live w/ one of my brothers, don’t know where to find my other 2. Don’t remember what they look like and don’t know the names they got after we were separated.
BeyondConfuse, are you still there? I hope you have not gone through with killing yourself. There are too many people who care for you. When you feel alone and think that life is ****, know that there is at least one person out there who cares if you die or not. I don’t know you,… but I care. Please stay alive.
I am having trouble w/ “love” between my longdistance boyfriend of almost 10 months. Communication is bad. Know how that is BeyondConfuse? It’s like being attatched to someone less than what they need you. I feel lonely, sad, and teared up inside. It’s hard. I think of just leaving. Leaving everyone. But I think of how much my parents who adopted me and raised me and my other bloodbrother as their own would be torn. They would question if it was there fault. I don’t want to do that. I love them more than this person. I just hope my relationship w/ him doesn’t end…
Basically BeyondConfuse, I know how you feel.
Invite Others to Help
A logged in and verified Help.com member has the ability to setup a Friends List and invite others to help with posts.
