happiness help: How to be happy with being single - Help.com

You don’t need somebody else to justify your existance.

It seems to me that you will not be able to fully rid yourself of those feelings until you’ve experienced a relationship for yourself. I’ve been single for a year now, which some consider to be a long time. But I don’t even think about it. It stops becoming a rat race when you experience it and realise that being in a relationship can be just as depressing as being single.

Shepherd wrote:
You don’t need somebody else to justify your existance.

That goes great with what I am going to post. You have to love yourself and be happy with yourself before you can be either with anyone else. It took me a long time and many, MANY failed relationships to figure that out. I thought that I wasn’t a complete person without a man in my life. When I got rid of my last ex I promised myself, and my kids, that I would not hook up with anyone for at least a year. Boy the first few months were hell. I didn’t realize just how much I hated me. I found out that I liked a whole bunch of things that I thought I hated and vice versa. I really got to know myself in that year. I got to where I liked me so much I went another 2 years before I started dating again.

I guess what I’m getting at is in order to stop feeling so bad and so lonely you really have to figure out what makes YOU happy and not worry about what others want right now. I hope that makes sense.

I’ll share an interesting story with you. I’ve been dating a man for about the last 3 months. He’s well put together and seems kind. When I first saw him and felt who he was, he seemed so, subdued. At the time, I took that as kindness. Which I still tend to lean that way now, although he worked in law enforcement, so maybe he’s just good at keeping a lid on his true emotions.

We were seeing each casually for awhile and there were a few red flags popped up here and there. You see, I have a great phobia for anyone who acts overly possessive but I brushed it off. We were talking about moving out together and getting a place in Phoenix. And this was completely contrary to my former plans, which were to move to TX within 7 months.

Well long story short, it’s over now. And after it was over and done, I felt a pang of regret. I was wondering before hand, if maybe i had a fear of intimacy or if I was commit-phobic. But I’ve come to the conclusion that this isn’t so. I was following my intuition.

I just knew he wasn’t right for me. And i wasn’t right for him.

What’s the point of me saying this? Sometimes we’re meant to be alone. Maybe because we need to improve ourselves or because something in the “now” needs our attention more.

If we’re meant to “not be alone”, then it’ll happen. Just as long as we’re not self-sabatoging.

You just have to be prepared for it when it comes and be patient. Not being passive, per se…but patient. Like a falconer who wants to capture a Prairie Falcon for instance. You lay out the meat and hope she goes for it and steps into your net. Love is like that Falcon, it’s above our sphere of influence and flighty. But sometimes just sometimes, it’ll come to you. Patience.

That is an awesome post^^^

I agree!all good things…

Single and very social is cool my friend:) I guess you’re cool:)

whay a post where I can feel at home. I think one of the most important things is being engaged and involved with other things, hobbies or socialising or anything like that. I mean couples can afford not to, i mean look at my parents, same spot every night doing the same ****, because at least theres 2 of them. IF you sit all alone somewhere for too long, then youll eat way at yourself

admiral, i remember when i was about 13, i couldn’t wait to experience the world and love. I was so excited, that I went through a spell of intense insomnia. It was summer when my insomnia was at it’s worst and I’d sneak outta our apartment in NC & just go on long walks around my neiborhood at like 3 in the morning and watch the sun come up. (I think i was the happiest during those days, that anticipation was delicious.)

Well, around that time, I had this incredible dream about someone, I am/was destined to meet, (or such). But I woke up from this dream and cried, because in the dream we were saying goodbye and it was heartbreaking. Never experienced that before that night.

You must feel like..a.. connection to the world. Funny thing is, we can feel ‘engaged’ by just experiencing new things, meeting new people, doing things that make us feel self-esteem and interest. Not necessarily relationships. But anyways, you’re impatient. lol. I know, you’re way into hobbies and you’re bored o them now. Hopefully it’ll come. I’m still looking ahead myself, altho, I’ve caught snippets of joy here and there.

nomad_x wrote:
Admiral,
I’ve vacillated to and fro on this point and I’ve had a lifetime of relationships…good, bad and otherwise. One thing has always remained constant. When I am single, I am content. Even in those moments when loneliness creeps in, they never lasted long. As I got older I started realizing that being single is a blessing in disguise. I don’t have to compromise on anything. No need to negotiate anything. No need to give up friends or pasttimes that “she” doesn’t approve of. I spend my money as I please on what “she” might consider frivolous. I sleep in after a night of drinking if I want or conversely I stay home on Friday night because I plan on getting up before dawn to go surf at sunrise on Saturday…and no one complains either way.

Occasional bouts of loneliness are a small price to pay in order to be truly happy with myself and content with my life. In all honesty, there were relationships in which I truly enjoyed being there, but eventually all good things come to an end. While in a relationship though, I’ve always felt like I was a little bit “roped in” and didn’t have the freedom to come and go as I please without being questioned. I value that freedom more than most. Here’s something to remember: The goal of relationships is usually togetherness and happiness. The fine print is that it takes compromise and sacrifice from both parties involved to actually achieve and maintain that. I’ve been on both sides and I can finally say with confidence that I truly enjoy being single more so than being in a relationship.

beautifully stated.

hi..hope i could help you…

if you are tired and unhappy for being single, but your heart is not yet into someone,then the right one has not yet come…Just wait…Enjoy being single and do not force to have somebody just to fill your emptiness……I know that one day you will just feel and notice that you have something unusual towards a person…And that you can say that he/she is the one………

justcallmeadmiral wrote:
Ok, well, that’s a reasonable response, but I’m not saying that I’m trying to define myself by other people, but that I’m tired of being unhappy and single, so rather than just constantly feeling overwhelmed by that, I’m trying to understand what I’m not seeing in the way I already am, I guess. …I don’t know how much sense that makes.

I understand your troubles as i didnt have a gf until i turned 20. I wasnt what everyone had built it up to be, relationships are inconvient. Especially if your dating a girl with an emotional disorder. Here is a list of things i had to endure while in relationships and why i now enjoy being single.
1. Violent mood swings by my exes. Words and fists where flung at me.
2. Cheating, lies and selfishness.
3. I am learning more about myself being alone and trying to love myself instead of putting that all on someone else.
4. Money, Huge as some women at least the one i dated didn’t like cheap dates.
5. Drama! Drama! Drama!. (”you dont love me cause you dont … blah blah blah”, “this guy at work is really nice he is better than you… blah blah blah”, “cindys boyfriend has a car why dont you…. blah blah blah”)
If it were not for my amazing ability to block out useless nattering i would probably be insane.

now not all women are like this i would say that there are a few nice, caring, kind, and thoughtful women out there but i picked the wrong ones.

justcallmeadmiral wrote:
Max & Arnday: I’m not very social, and there isn’t much that I *want* to go out and do.

Everyone else (pretty much): I know it’s important to be happy with myself, and to develop who I am and what I like–but that’s all I’ve ever done, and right now, it doesn’t feel like it’s working out as well as everyone says it should.

You are you and working out where you want to be may be easier if you connect it to where and what you need to be. Single and anti social is cool and your right to be. Independence, self sustaining and happy are good goals. It’s up to you on whether or not you wish to share. A partnership is defined by the people entering into it. Being reasonable to the other party and sharing, but having clear terms of not being a door mat may relieve some stress:) It’s a journey.