the situation: - Help.com

the situation:

There is this girl I love, I would marry in a second. ~6 months ago we werent doing so well, and she asked for 4 months to be single( theres more to it but would only complicate things). 4 months go by and she seems distant to me, she puts up a wall and doesnt share any of her self anymore. I still persue her, trying to figure out whats going on until 2 months later i find out she is seeing someone else, for maybe a month now (im not sure).

This makes me look like a desperate guy that cant move on. But for one, She is my soulmate, i really feel that in the bottom of my heart. But second a week or 2 ago she tells me she loves me still, but she is with him and cannot be unfaithful to him.

How would you handle this situation?

I asked her just to consider her feelings for me, but she seems to refuse that even, being that she loves him too now. is this unreaonsable? if she told him about it, would that be being unfaithful?

Please, note that I just want to do what is right, and I am coming from a religious perspective. So please those that have a close relationship with God, share what you think would be the best thing to do.

I would do anything for this girl, but I dont know if i can just walk away. This guy is a decent guy it seems, already has his career going (im a sr in college) and other things. Its just so scary

If her and her current BF dont work out, I dont see how I could ever date her if she doesnt even consider my love, as it would be like… im runner up. Do i make an ultumatum? do i tell her she has to choose between us? do i move on w/o that ultimatum and be happy if she comes back? do I tell her i cannot marry her if she doesnt even consider us?

I also need to block her fron my blog because she cant help but read it, and it is causing her pain. Not only do I have to leave her, I have to leave her w/ another guy that loves her and make it so that she cannot contact me. All the while I want to marry the girl…and she cant consider us because she is w/ someone else..

This open post was written 4 years, 3 months ago | V/U/S: 376, 8, 2 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post


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pragmatist101 offline Verified User (4 years, 5 months) Long Term User Shouts: 3 #
An Undisclosed Location | 4 years, 3 months ago (7 minutes after post)

Just walk away. I know it sucks, but, at this point it sounds like the best path to consider. What will be, will be.

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Jules22871 offline Verified User (4 years, 4 months) Long Term User Shouts: 4 #
An Unknown Location | 4 years, 3 months ago (8 minutes after post)

If she was your soulmate then she wouldn’t be with someone else. She is with someone else and unwilling to break it off. It is time for you to cut your losses and move on. And yes, I am a Christian.

“All the while I want to marry the girl…and she cant consider us because she is w/ someone else.. ” It’s not that she “can’t” it is that she “won’t” Big difference. And ultimatums rarely work out. Save yourself the extra heartache and just let it go.

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Help me with: This was written for me and my husband after our motorcycle accident and was published in a couple for biker magazines.
NicN offline Verified User (4 years, 4 months) Long Term User Shouts: 1 #
An Unknown Location | 4 years, 3 months ago (27 minutes after post)

and what if she does come back to me? I just be ok w/ it and not act like shes been making out w/ some other guy for past months? do i just say no? if i am going to just say no i should say that now shouldnt I?

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Jules22871 offline Verified User (4 years, 4 months) Long Term User Shouts: 4 #
An Unknown Location | 4 years, 3 months ago (30 minutes after post)

Can you honestly say that it won’t eat at you thru the relationship? When you get into a fight will you bring it up? Will she? You have a lot to think about. I know what I would do but that is me. You have to make a decision that is going to right for you. But again I have to say if she was your soulmate you wouldn’t be on here asking these questions.

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Help me with: This was written for me and my husband after our motorcycle accident and was published in a couple for biker magazines.
NicN offline Verified User (4 years, 4 months) Long Term User Shouts: 1 #
An Unknown Location | 4 years, 3 months ago (33 minutes after post)

thats what im saying, it would be too much to bear. i dont think i could fully accept her back… so shouldnt I tell her that? its essentially an ultimatum tho.

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Jules22871 offline Verified User (4 years, 4 months) Long Term User Shouts: 4 #
An Unknown Location | 4 years, 3 months ago (42 minutes after post)

It isn’t an ultimatum unless you say either you break up with him now or we are done. If you just say sorry, but I can’t do this and I don’t think I forget what you have done, that isn’t an ultimatum. That is a fact and an outcome of what is already going on.

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Help me with: This was written for me and my husband after our motorcycle accident and was published in a couple for biker magazines.
NicN offline Verified User (4 years, 4 months) Long Term User Shouts: 1 #
An Unknown Location | 4 years, 3 months ago (1 hour, 9 minutes after post)

saying
” I dont know if you see this but I hope you realize if you stay w/ him, I don’t see us getting back together. Not because I wouldn’t want to, but because I would forever see you with him (physically and emotionally) all the while loving me. “
would be an ultimatum then…. how do i say that without it being one

… i guess she should realize that…

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Jules22871 offline Verified User (4 years, 4 months) Long Term User Shouts: 4 #
An Unknown Location | 4 years, 3 months ago (1 hour, 12 minutes after post)

If you are going for the me or him angle there really is no way to not come out with an ultimatum. You could try ” I need you to make up your mind about which one of us you want. It’s your decision but I have things in my life to consider and I need to make a plans” But be ready for her answer.

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Help me with: This was written for me and my husband after our motorcycle accident and was published in a couple for biker magazines.

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