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How do you know when you’ve Really let go of a lost loved one?
A few years ago the love of my life died. I loved her as much as i am capable of loving anyone ever. In the weeks after I found myself unable to do anything but cry. It’s a wondrous moment to think back on for those days I was unable to think or comprehend anything other than my loss. Alot of people might say something along those line while they still get up in the morning have conversations even be able to walk very far. That’s not what I’m talking about though. I’m talking about fetal position for days literally soaked spots in my matress from tears unable to sleep but definitly not awake or concious by any means, when you drink whiskey like water and your eyes are water falls ushering the pain of a stone body. That’s what i went through right after. For a month+ after that I didn’t speak a word to anyone. Literally not a word. But that was going somewhere. Eventually after years I’ve hardend myself to some extreme against that anguish. I was never in any dillusion that she would come back, and passed any thoughts that i had about girls filling her place. I am and have been at peace of that defines any sense of the word. But countless nights i spent with her. The 2 of us falling asleep in each others embrace. Those were the best time. Somehow those seconds, everyone of them amazing. Now whenever i go to sleep I think of those time. and Think of her and I. It doesnt bring me sadness really. Of course some, like Yeah she died and i miss her so ******* much But
when i think of those times and how i felt it really coddles me. So well it outweighs the bad. I think of what she wore how she smelt and just remember everything i can before i eventually fall asleep. I dont know if i can fall asleep without thinking about her. and the thing is I cling to the thought of her so much. She was the greatest thing in my life and since I’m still living that life so often is she sited. I think and dream and toy with the idea of her often enough. Anything can really bring up the thought of her. The only thing i have to blame for that is how much damned time we spent together. Anyway I was talking to a friend and They kind of jostled the feeling that maybe I still haven’t let go. I don’t really know But i tried to tell the story right so maybe one of you guys can shed some light. Please Do.