Love help: Though much of my plight indeed must be given to fancy or overdramatization, - Help.com

you’re evil =) That’s cool!
=)

most certainly there is only one way to find out.

Aren’t we all equally the embodiment of that which is good and that which is evil? Humanity is an amalgom of this duality.

yeah… you’re right.

So often we only realize it in a subconcious state, where the mind is free of inhibitions.

the only concern is balance. Stiking the balance in all things. a reletive balance that is.

don’t you think that the balance ought to be weighted in favour of certain… characteristics?

Your thoughts - is this beyond human capability? How much of us is inherently good verses evil? The key term in your statement being relative.

you need to focus on romance, dreams and restoration

I beleive a certain scientific philosophers words may apply here. IF you know where it is, you don’t know how fast it is going. If you know how fast it is going you don’t know where it is. In other words, if you know how much good and evil is with in you, you are not exactly controlling it. Like oil and water. If you you stop mixing it together and let it settle, only then can you measure it.

Compounding that we have to understand that every person has their own personal demons. Some greater than others, yet a reletive resiliance. For instance, how can we compare ALchoholism to biting our finger nails. Where as it is easy for me to say no to any potent potables, I chew my finger nails raw sometimes.

Good thoughts.

I have the most peculiar feeling of deja veaux.

Regardless the topic of good vs evil is mute. I’m sure we’d all agree that murder is an evil action; and yet it occurs in nature. Is nature evil by proxy? Or are we denying our nature because of our artificial sense of morality?

Nature does not murder; only humans murder. In other words, murder is an idea.

This is simply dualistic; validity is not easily attributed here…

ah, but I disagree, difference between killing and murder is great. Murder is killing with mal intent. Murder is a concept, much of our world is human concept biased by human perception.

Animals frequently kill members of their own species in competitions for mates, territory and food. That qualifies as murder.

Would an animal be able to understand murder? Murder is an idea that weighs right and wrong…

By the way, are you asking for help with something or just looking for conversation?

Both.

I think it is hard to define murder in nature. The concept of murder was created by man, nature was not. Our perception as humans is often muddled by our own personal bias. It is truly difficult to understand hte truth when our own experience fogs our judgment. In what light, can me actually say we understand anything to the fullest extent?

And yes, that was my point entirely. We put a lable on the act of killing another of our kind as wrong. This act occurs in nature for many different reasons. This is an example of our concept of right and wrong defying what nature dictates. Our ideas of right and wrong are only ideas, and only valid as long as everyone agrees on them. In 1000 years time, if we still exist, right and wrong may be completely different.

Shepherd wrote:
And yes, that was my point entirely. We put a lable on the act of killing another of our kind as wrong. This act occurs in nature for many different reasons. This is an example of our concept of right and wrong defying what nature dictates. Our ideas of right and wrong are only ideas, and only valid as long as everyone agrees on them. In 1000 years time, if we still exist, right and wrong may be completely different.

Human perception is as fickle as our desires.

Indeed - ideologies are construction by society, and society is a dynamic entity.

This post, believe it or not, is actually about a certain state of awareness between dream and consciousness; I’ve been waking up with the realization I’ve been dreaming, yet no evidence or remembrance of it.

ah, lucid dreaming?

Yes, perhaps.

Thats alpha band brain activity, the connection between the conscious (beta) and the subconscious (theta).

Although I sensed a love problem in your highly cryptic post.

That may be the physiology underlying it, yet the experience is not so easily understood. Yes, you’re getting there now.

I’m tormented by a former love. It’s been three years of complete isolation from one another, yet the scar has not healed since our hearts were ripped away from one another. It’s not a pleasant thing, and I’m not sure what to do, besides write about it constantly. Perhaps one day the dreams and the thoughts will subside, through willful expression…

how long were you together?

Because you have not completed the cycle. Isolation is not the final step. You must reconcile the relationship from the ashes in order to forge a friendship, or part ways with a resolution before you can find salvation.

I fear any sort of confrontation in this case, though I have arrived at that conclusion many times. Morality has me in bondage; it would be wrong to confront this woman, as I am married.

And you’ve suffered the consequences of your apathy for three years. It seems clear what you have to do, but only you can make the final decision to do it. Resolving a demon from the past should not pose a threat to your marriage; but leaving the wound untreated will only worsen the situation.

Touche..

The question is how.

you need to focus on dreams as one thing, and restoration of romance on the other.

Call her, use your impressive command of the English language to arrange a meeting of some sort to discuss the regrets and whatever else is causing you all of this grief, and then you can put it behind you. Maybe even restore your friendship with her.

I thought I had solved this once; I’ve written out an autobiography of sorts, documenting this issue. I had planned on burying it in the ground, at the location we last met, as a way to literally “bury” the past, perhaps shock my soul back to life. I’m not sure that will work; it seems a flowery, metaphorical solution to a very real, immediate issue.

Of anyone thus far, you have been a great pleasure to talk to concerning this issue.

You’re too kind.

I think you know what you have to do. I think you’ve always known, and you just needed someone to agree with what you admittedly concluded by yourself - so you could finally take action. Sometimes the wisest of us are at a loss, especially when it comes to affairs of the heart. The neutral party offers a fresh insight.

I wish you the best of luck in what will no doubt be a difficult conversation.

Sorry, but don’t you think you ought to take this up with your wife in counselling? Surely when you talk about it out loud in the presence of a therapist and acknowledge that its a problem which is causing you heartache, then you’ll be able to come to terms with the reasons ‘why’ you’re feeling this way in your marriage?

I have been through counseling, however not with my wife present. I suppose that is one way to handle this, although I’m reluctant.

You would be taking the hard route, and you’d have to be REALLY REALLY delicate about how you handled it, it might take a few weeks or months before you could actually say what’s on your mind, and this revelation about ‘the other woman/women’ would be the stinger as far as your wife is concerned… but with careful planning and preparation of what you’re ‘going to say’ in therapy would help you to navigate these difficulties!

I’ve always been one not to bring in too many outsiders into my personal life…not personally, at least. Perhaps this all will just fade away someday. The ways of the heart are mysterious.

You’re entertaining your heart and your imagination. That’s cool. Even in private or with your wife. Its when you need to change something in yourself and you’re not sure how. That’s the problem isn’t it?

The problem is that her memory haunts me three years later, despite every effort. I can manage, but the inner struggle is very difficult.

You should focus on the ‘why?’ then.

Didn’t we establish that confrontation of this person, and resolution of your feelings is the only way to rid yourself of this plight?

I don’t want to contemplate the why or the how anymore…it’s time for a final resolution, if that exists in actuality.

We did…it isn’t an easy proposition, however.

‘the how?’

Nobody said it would be easy. These things rarely are. But when there is no other way, the perilous path is the only road to salvation.

…being the intellectual agent which brought me to this place; the imagination, the lack of closure…I’m tired of it all, though resolution has eluded my better judgment.

focus on the ‘why’. Forget the how. Get to know the ‘why’. Get to understand it.

I’m not sure I truly follow you…what would be the why? Why am I tormented?

Is this your perspective?

Yes.

As I said, I’m tormented by a recurring memory - a longing, even. I want no part of it anymore. It is hindering me from living the life I choose now, to its fullest.

Yes. Do you think ‘confrontation’ is the answer?

I have thought so many times before; I’m just afraid of the connotations of taking such action.

You are very wise to hesitate.

It’s beginning to become clear how hopeless this situation really is.

Your situation isn’t ‘hopeless’.

Oh don’t sink into desperation, everything has a resolution, or at least some point, if you just will believe on it, you eventually find one some day.
Keep your self stable and aim on peace and balance however it might seem at this point some distant dream when you think about the situation in your life at the moment. Patience and awareness of the relations to each of the sides of this matter will eventually show what to seek from and so you are able to love the one your heart has chosen, it seems to me that it is haunting you still because it is not all clear yet, or at least not enough settled with all the sides, however they are all not exactly awared of their states at the moment. Who ever you will love the most, you are getting the realisation about it eventually so you can show her that she’s the one you are able to be with now, but also explain to the other side of your hearts special chosen one that what should be shared and told that she understand how the relation is between you two too, that are you able to see each others somehow special even if not in a romantic relationship way but as a friends who can still love each others but not any deeper way than that and see your relations through frienship.

It’s never easy to give advices for someone elses sake but as we all know, eventually you are the one who knows the best option and conclusion for this dilemma, and you are able to search the right decission for this situation with your multible loving and relationships. Even if their weird or old but if the feeling is still there, it only tells you that there is still something to solve with you too, sometimes it needs time, sometimes it will work out with agreements and sharing of understanding what you need to do to say you both understand how to treat your emotions together.

You are maybe waiting for something to happen so you are not forced yet to deal with this situation but pushing it aside until it gets just so much more complicated and stronger isn’t the style to cope with it either, that you are not no longer able to avoid the final conclusion, and that might make it even more complicated and harder, or atleast more painful it will be if you let it just hang without any clear point made up for this story of your and maybe either one of those special persons hearts. What is writed here is something you should consider about with time and observation so every little thing related to this story of yours will be revealed. Why is indeed a very good question, but also as good as why not or what about that then.
Many questions but only one to know the right one that hits on the spot is you or the other one of those ones you love and care about. You know what to find out.

Believe on your chances clarify everything so eventually you and the other ones will all be happy, anyhow some way, if not together with you but somehow at least when you all have found a peace and settlement for your relationships, were you even all just separated or somehow other way done the situation easier for each one of you.
You must seek the right styles to see and show the sides of this situation for all that needs something to see from this. You see that you need to see and say as well.
Be positive and try to see life only showing a lesson from something bigger, even if it is difficult to see at first but after the fight, which is mostly maybe in your own head, is gained, and all sides have survived from loves darker effects, everything slowly slides in their places, no matter how extra-ordinary situation it has been or is at the moment, everything will work out if you are just honest to your self and your sights what is suitable for all of you and specially for your emotions and heart.

Love is sometimes a pain in your soul and body what we can’t do much about than just try to understand what it tries to show us and direct to go on with.
Be happy that you are so wise enough to realise that what it tells you.
You will find your right time, direction and style to settle this all better for all of your hearts special loved ones.

anon, please tell me you are a regular hiding as anon, as you speak such eloquence, and would be sore to hear that it was for a brief post as this.

We are all anonymous, despite even our guises. I’ll be around, as will my plight, undoubtedly.

Indeed, madhattermadiga.

Yes but if you signed up it’d be easier to tell where you’re commenting. You seem like the kind of person I’d like to know, and you seem like someone who could help a lot of people out. We all came here for help in the beginning, some of us stayed, and thats how this place exists.

I’m nsnotorio.

Your jaw is throbbing when you wake up? I have that same problem with a different part of my body…

there is no good or evil if you beleive like I do that ultimatly nothing matters

Become literate so we can understand what you are trying to tell us?

It seems that Shepard is answering most honestly and getting to the root of an actual solution for you.

Confrontation may be painful, but may reveal that things aren’t what they have become in your mind. Reality is not fantasy but you should also be careful with your approach to the confrontation. What I am trying to get at in a much less elegant way than either you or Shepard is that you may find that what you have been assuming, what you have built up, is less in reality than what you have been imagining. For instance, often in dreams, that which is the most scary & fearful becomes managable and smaller upon confrontaion. I have seen this happen to me in life as well: like the bully that plagues you until you scoff its roaring which dwindles to nothing in response to that change of attention given. Time has proven to you already that rethinking and revisiting this only in your head will not bring you to the resolution you are looking for.

However, it does seem that you will need to be very honest with yourself with what you want to know/ resolve from the situation and not turn it into an attempt to recreate a fantasy that you may have made it to be. Get to the bottom of what is gnawing at you about it and confront it honestly and brutally. Ask the question you need to ask.

And I am really just building on the wise responses of Shepard & you own honest responses, so kudos to you both.

Good luck.

I don’t think it’s heartache… I think it’s guilt from cheating on your wife. No matter how you say it until you come clean you will suffer. Karma?

Thank you, Dr. Jackass. In much the same light, perhaps your bad advice and flippant remarks will come back upon you. Karma? Get back to your ESPN and leave serious matters to momma and dadda.

Mom and dad are dead and it sounds like you can’t handle the truth loser… adultery and flippant remarks are two very different animals.