This post left anonymously
Hi everybody, I like to assume that I’m a pretty together person.
When I was 13 or 14 I went through a big stage of cutting myself, have the big ugly embarrassing scars to prove it. I was diagnosed clinically depressed, and with having social anxiety disorder and moderate agoraphobia.
I’ve pretty much, with some help from therapists, figured out what I needed to do, learn, and began taking the medications I need to take, to help me with most of my issues. I still have depressive episodes that last about a day, usually tied to boredom.
Upon randomly breaking up with my girlfriend, whom I love, for no apparent reason, however, I began to realize that the main thing I liked about her was that she seemed to care about me. She came to me to kiss me, or hug me, she crawled into bed with me to cuddle with me, etc. But it didn’t hit me until tonight, after breaking up with her, that she ACTUALLY cares about me. I’m not a very caring person myself, but I have a vague idea of how it feels, and the idea that she feels that way about me just crushed me tonight.
I don’t think I’ve felt cared about since I became a teenager. I pushed off girls advanced in real life and stuck with long distance relationships. This girl is really the first girl I’ve been with in real life who has touched me. Maybe I’m just longing to be touched. I don’t know if this is a rant or a question anymore, as ranting tends to help my mind focus and learn about myself.
I think my concern is just that I hadn’t really realized anyone cared about me, while some people certainly have, until now. And I still can’t get used to the idea. I feel like the way my mind works, I’ll forget about this revolation tomorrow.
It’s things like that that make me feel like I’m crazy or have another personality disorder (already diagnosed with borderline personality disorder). Any ideas?
I guess I’ll cut this short (as possible) otherwise no one will read it.
By the way, I’m 20 now.
This open post was written 9 months, 1 week ago | V/U/S: 163, 8, 4 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Subscribe to Replies | Report Post
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Since writing this post Anonymous may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days.
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