I jsut feel like a mess honestly! Everything is getting so much worse. Like my depression is getting out of control! I keep thinking about suicide like seirously all the time!! And I keep abusing my medication which I know is stupid but it makes things easier to deal with. I’ve been self harming a lot lately and cant seem to stop. I don’t want to be with anyone even my boyfriend anymore. I jsut feel so awful all the time!!! I have to pretend that everything is ok as to not upset anyone but i’m getting sooo tired of it all!!! I don’t have anyone to talk to outside of the internet really sooooo this is what I’ve got…sorry to just rant! and thanx for replying! U have no idea how much that means to me!!!
Don’t worry about ranting, sometimes it’s better just to let it all out.
Do you know what’s made you feel more depressed and think about suicide?
It’s good to let it all out. When ever i need to I go get a bunch of old breakable things i don’t want anymore and just smash them to bits in the back yard. Well if your harming yourself when ever you feel the urge just get a stuffed animal or something and take it out on that.
Not really just kinda get into these moods…I guess its just a little bit of everything at times. I can’t take the way my life. I hate everything about everything including myself. I feel dead sometimes so then I cut myself jsut to see that i’m really alive!
I’ve tried the stuffed animal thing and other things to not want to hurt myself but hitting stuffed animals or snapping rubber bands isn’t enought….i need to feel the physical pain…or see my blood (gosh that sounds crazy…sorry :\…) But if i can’t do that then I take the pills…then I don’t have to feel anything not even the pain
Yeah, normally it’s a build up of the small things rather than a big thing that makes us feel worst.
Why do you hate yourself?
I have depression too, and when I feel like cutting myself my psychiatrist said that I should squeeze an ice cube.
I don’t know why, but it really helps.
Inflicting pain on yourself shouldn’t be the answer.
You will probably end up feeling worse as a result, not to mention seriously injuring yourself.
You have to find something that is not only painless but will take your mind off feeling down.
What are your hobbies?
(Hope this helps. ♥ )
Hmm Well that’s what I had done but when i couldn’t get to anything else i had always carried a penclip in my clothes so when ever i got the need to bleed i would just poke my self inside of using my dagger.
Well.. I just can’t get things together..I let people down, i’m useless…u know the same old tired stuff everyone says…
I’ve treid teh ice cube thing and that does help a little bit but sometiems its simply not enought. I know I shouldn’t do this but I can’t help it! Its the only thing that helps me get throught the day!
I like to write! Thats what I really like to do. And play the keyboard and music type stuff.Its just hard to get back involved when I feel like this
Yeah blackinugoddes…i carry a push safety pin with me at times and give myself a lttle poke :|
From experience:
I think that your problem might be that you’re allowing too many of your problems to take their own forms, if you know what I mean. You need to take one problem at a time (ie: hurting yourself) and to realize that all you need to do in order to stop is…well…stop. A hint: When you feel overwhelmed, go for a walk somewhere, anywhere, aimlessly. You’d be surprised how much a change of scenery can help even the most dire problems.
Well what i meant is try using something that would cause least amount of damage ,for me it was the pen. I know i can;t just tell you to stop like a lot of people told me and you’ll have to just take steps to getting there.
Yeah maybe your right dankatz31! I know all this crap is just weighing me down. I should take one at a time but that seem inmpossibel right now. They are all throwing themselves very desperatly at me right now. I do just need to get away for awhile….and step by step is the way its gunna have to be! Your right blackinugoddes! It just seems like I’m not even moving!! Like I’m chained to floor and am being help prisoner!
And yet, what you need to realize is that the only person chaining you down is yourself. Metaphors are fine, but what I’ve come to realize from my own experience is that there are no real chains. Don’t say “I need to try to stop hurting myself”. Just do it. It really is that simple; whenever you get the urge to hurt yourself, try doing something else instead to distract you, something active. Maybe go for a run around the block every time you get the urge. No preparation, just go outside and do it. It’ll exhaust you a bit and bring your mind back down to Earth.
What do you think causes you to feel depressed anyway?
thats the majority of the reason, yeah i think. I just can’t get myself up and at it. Thats what the medication is kinda good for but then I take it and go all excessive like with it and make things worse!!! IDK i wish i could just disapear and never have to worry about any of this anymore. That way no one would have to deal with my constant bs!!! Its soooo frustrating!!!!!
You said you hate everything about everything. If you don’t mind me asking, could you describe the state of things and the state of yourself that you wish things were in?
Well…I’m depressed all the time it seems. I can’t get things together like I’m pretty boring lately because I can’t motivate myself to do anything. When I’m with people I just want to leave because I feel like I just bring them down or my depression just rubs off on them. It feels like everyone would be better off with out me. My family is always fighting and the police have been here how ever many times. I wish I could help them get better but it just seems like the more I try the worse everything gets. I wish I could be a stronger person so that I don’t have to want to die! idk…..i guess thats enough for now :P
Ever see the movie Wristcutters?
First of all, one of my favorite movies. Second of all, take a lesson from the premise of that movie. “Everything’s the same here, just a little bit worse”. That sentence alone is enough to keep me from ever considering suicide again.
yeah that movie was def. differnet. Made me think of death in anothere way. But the way i see it….its just movie…who knows whats waiting for us on the other side….maybe nothing at all?
not to sound unsympathetic, i sympathize, i do, but do you wanna chance that just because you’re going through a rough time?
i don’t really know….i guess not but this whole situation is killing me inside.
Do you really, honestly, truly believe that you are useless? Deep inside, you think you’re useless? I find that hard to believe.
yeah….there really isn’t anything i’m needed for that i couldn’t be replaced with
So you feel expendable? The same as everybody else?
Though I highly doubt that you are that way, so what if you ARE the same as everybody else? If that’s who you are then who cares? You’re still being yourself.
Can I ask what are some of your passions?
I’ve learned that the people around us..the ones you’re trying to help, need to help themselves. Not you deal:) If you are able to go about taking care of yourself, they may learn or not. Are you safe?
writting and muisc are my passions not really all that different tho. Can’t do either one of them much because I can’t get myself motivated to do anything. Just feel like a lump a waste of space. Waste of life. Someone who deserves it and wants it should have it! I shouldn’t! I’m just another empty face.
I should really go now tho gettin kinda tired! Thanks for talkin with me! I really appreciate it! Good night and thanks:)
No…you’re not. You are an instrument of life in training:) You are going though the phase of learning how to ignore other peoples crap:) Good deal, I’ll send you a link (software) that may help:)
What’s your favorite song?
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