marriage help: My boyfriend is in the Army and being relocated to Germany, I am looking into going with him but do I need to be married in order to do so? - Help.com

Are you British… as in is your boyfriend a serving british solider or american?

British soliders have to be married to their partners for them to be given married quarters on the bases where the soliders serve. So if he is going to Germany then unless you find your own accomodation over there then you’d have to marry him. But be warned… even if you decide to not marry and just find your own digs over there the army will not acknowledge you… your partner will not be encouraged to “see” you.

You don’t need to be married, but I would not go with him without being married. It can get pretty expensive for your boyfriend and unless you are married, it is hard to find a job on base. They give preference to job applicants on the base to the wives of military personnel! Stay home and wait for him.

I have some of my family in the army and would say that you’d be better of at home on your own country seeing him when he’s on leave. I know that might not sound ideal; but the type of career he has makes it difficult for these sort of relationships.

And Germany is not one of the best countries in the world to relocate to (my cousin was based in Germany and he doesn’t speak highly of it).

Actually, Germany is a nice country. But, unless you’re married to your boyfriend, don’t go! It’s expensive for him and for you!

littlenick wrote:
Actually, Germany is a nice country. But, unless you’re married to your boyfriend, don’t go! It’s expensive for him and for you!

I’ve honestly never been so I couldn’t say. But he doesn’t speak to ohighly of it; but then I guess he’s quite biased.

No matter what country are you from, the military does not support girlfriends, boyfriends and the whole enchillada. Only family. So unless you are his wife, you won’t get support and won’t be able to see him either. Military is military, not a social club.

I went to Germany years ago… stayed on an army base(sister was married to a british solider)… It was a beautiful country… the parts i saw of it anyway! The people were lovely… especially to my young children at the time… made us feel very welcome… It is an expensive country but then most of europe is nowadays. Whilst i was there a young german girl was found dead not far from the army base… she had been raped and murdered and her body dumped close to the base… probably to make it look like a solider had done it… the base geared up ready for trouble from the locals… soliders were confined to base for their own safety and within days the atmosphere in camp was awful. However the german locals never once caused trouble or stirred up hatred for the soliders… unfortunately a handful of very stupid young soliders after spending a week confined to barracks were let out for the night… they caused mayhem in the local town… a town that was mourning the death of a young girl then had to deal with windows being broken, damage to vehicles, rowdy drunken behaviour and insults being thrown at them. A handful of idiots caused a lot of ill feeling that night.

Ok hi im a little confused at the moment my boyfriend is in the army and might get posted to germany he wants me to go with him and i have been researching how to get in! he said we would need to be engaged but from the looks of it we would need to be actually married and im not too sure if it would be too early to get married at this stage so that probably out of the question but i dont know what to do cos i dont know anyone to talk to about this cos no one i know has ever been in this situation?

British servicemen/women have to be married for their partners to be able to travel with them overseas… Do not get married just to travel with him because the chances are you will be left behind anyway while he settles into a new posting. If you do travel with him remember that you are going to be living on a military base… they tend to be very isolated from the rest of the country… yes you will have other wives around you but trust me you can become very isolated very quickly and it is very difficult to adjust.

thats the only problem ive been lookin at the bases and they dont seem to be very appealing, but its hard cos as much as i dont want to loose him i also dont want to leave everything i know behind because as u said he wud bee settleing in and doing work and things and i would feel awkward i spose. i dont know what to think or what to say to him about it im so confused its not fair.

The miliatary bases are not very appealing… the accomodation is normally old and very often basic… remember these “homes” turn over quickly… families never stay in them for very long before the next postings come along… you very often need transport of your own… can be expensive to run a solider’s pay… you are not guaranteed a job or even any kind of social life…. i think women with children have it slightly easier as at least they have children who can introduce them to other families… at the school gates etc… In all honesty… Don’t do it… Your partner is there to work… very often will be sent away on exercise so you are on your own anyway… much better off staying where you are… doing what you do… save money up and plan your time together… it may not be every day coming home to each other but i know from experience you are proabably better off having one nice weekend every five or six weeks together than weeks of sitting alone in a box miles from your family and friends waiting for a guy who may not come home every night anyway.

yea i have heard alot of horror about it and not any plus so i think ill stay at home and just see what happens, u never know spose it worth waiting and seeing at the end of the day but thanks for the help :D much appreciated!

I think your all painting a vary dark picture. yes army life can be hard work. Can also be amazing my mum and dad got married so she could be with him they moved to Germany as thats were my dad was based. And they loved every minute of it married quarters can be a little rough but can also be lovely my parents had nothing to move in with and the army looked after them and gave them all the furniture they could have possible needed. Your fella is home almost every nite apart from when on guard, exercise lasts for usall a week or 2 then they are home for a while on R&R. I agree you shouldn’t get married just to travel with him (THATS A WHOLE SEPERATE ISSUE) but dont think of it as a bad thing living on base/married quarters. You can make life long friends and really enjoy it. Traveling and seeing the world. All I am saying it is not as doom and gloom as you have been lead to belive.