depression help: Hi, about 4 years ago my dad got made redundant from his job - Help.com

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It is hard to talk to a parent about their problems. How old are you?

im 26, i know at this age i should be doing something, but i find it really hard, i can talk to anyone i know about it but just have a mental block when i wanna say it to my dad.

I understand. My dad is an alcoholic and even now it is hard to talk to him about stuff like that. And I’m 37. What was your relationship like before he stopped working?

babacup wrote:
I understand. My dad is an alcoholic and even now it is hard to talk to him about stuff like that. And I’m 37. What was your relationship like before he stopped working?

when my dad worked his hours were mon-thur 7am-8pm, we used to sit and watch tv together and go do a weekly shop on a friday.. at weekends we used to go to town and have a wander.
since he lost his job he became very quiet, i helped him for a while looking for jobs and taking him to interviews but he was having no luck and started to give up. i couldnt say no lets keep going, i used to just go along with what he said. then he started to stay in alot. he used to constantly ask me to do favours for him, get some food, get this get that… i got fed up of doing things for him as i was working and he was at home all day. now we hardly talk i stay upstairs and he stays downstairs..

I do not think the situation will change unless your Dad make that decision he wants it to change. He sound like he went into a depression and has lost motivation and desire. He might not even realize it.

I know it would not be easy to talk to him about it, but maybe you can write him a letter letting him know you are worried about him. Open up to him and it will give him a window to open up to you. Does he have friends or go out at all? Maybe you can even suggest he see a doctor for a check up. He might not be open to hearing the words depression or alcoholism but maybe a check up to see what can be causing his lack of motivation and desire.

If the letter is a little to straight forward for you, maybe start by simple talking to him. Trying to get him out of the house a little. Little steps to get him motivated it again. Maybe a visit to your brothers so he can see his grandchild. That can be uplifting.

Does he go to church or has he in the past? Church helps my father a lot. It helps me too. Not only the spiritual part, but the social aspects too. You meet people who are in general happy and upbeat. It helps lift your spirits. That doesn’t happen from one visit, but once you become a regular. And the spiritual lessons along the way help you focus on your own healing.

Have you and your brother talked about what is going on with your Dad? Maybe he would be willing to help talk to him?

It is easy to get frustrated and angry with someone who is not helping better themselves or their situation, but sometimes it is because they do not know how, or are unable to because of things like depression. Keep that in mind when those feelings of anger and frustration creep up on you.

I hope some of those ideas are helpful to you.