I am angry, upset, frustrated, depressed, confused…
.. This is so stupid…. I’m really starting to feel overwhelmed with life and it’s complexities….. Life shouldn’t be this frustrating and stupid…. but I can’t help but feel overwhelmed with a lot of stuff that has gone on lately. Maybe you guys can just offer your opinions before I lose my mind….. So i’ll give you a small peak into my life and what’s bothering me:
First the one thing that’s bothering me is a girl (so cliche… i know… stupid….) but it’s a very complicated situation. This girl is one of my friend’s ex-girlfriends. I actually have liked her for a long time and she says she’s had a crush on me for a long time. Basically what happened, from the beginning, is she ended up breaking up with my friend and cheated on him with one of my other friends. Then later on she finds that this guy isn’t who she thinks he is and let’s him go too…. Later on she hooks up with my best friend but apparently decides that she just wants to be friends with him and that she wants to be with me. I can’t help but tell her how I feel. I know I should be angry and just totally shrug this off, but for some reason I still have feelings for her. I mean some stuff has happened between me and her, and now me and my best friend aren’t talking anymore. She still wants to be with me apparently, but she constantly hangs out with my best friend cuz she doesn’t want to lose him as a friend, and neither do I. I’m forced to pick between my friends and her, but I don’t really want to, I want both. I tell her it’s ok to hang out with my best friend (although i’m not sure where he and I stand) and I can’t help but feel that maybe something is still going on between them. I’m not sure who to believe anymore, I’m running out of people to talk to. I’ve tried talking to other people and they’re telling me they don’t want to see me get hurt and that I should just drop her. But if I drop her I mean I feel like I’m really losing out and I’m not even sure if me and my best friend can really be friends anymore. I have a feeling that he is still pursuing her and I’m not sure if I could really live with that. I thought maybe I could give it some time and let everybody cool off a bit and we could all become friends again. Maybe she’s just hanging out with him and trying to keep their friendship in tact, or so it seems. I’m not sure, she tells me to trust her but I don’t feel like I can trust her, but why do I still have feelings for her? I’m kind of angry because I feel like she’s not telling me everything. I’m depressed and upset because of how everything has turned out (although I guess I brought it all upon myself); and now I’m here confused not knowing what to think or what I should do now…. I want to wait, until everybody has built up their friendships again, but I’m afraid I’m going to lose her (if I haven’t lost her already) and I feel like I can’t trust her, like maybe she’s not telling me something but I just can’t seem to let go. She says she loves me and wants to be with me and I feel the same way too and it seems sincere when I talk to her face to face about it, but I just have this inner feeling of doubt….
On top of all this I’m in college following a program I’m not even too sure about or where it’s going to take me (culinary management/chef school) and I’m just feeling so overwhelmed with assignments, post-graduation programs it’s really hard to give this other things some real thought without getting caught up with school….. I mean I think I’ll follow through with what I’m doing and give it a shot, but I’m afraid I’m wasting time and money if this isn’t really what I want to do….. All this stuff has really been bothering me lately, please help…. I just feel like I’m gonna snap soon and do something stupid…..
Since writing this post conundrum88 may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. conundrum88 is a verified member, has been around for 4 years, 7 months and has 8 posts and 50 replies to their name.
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