Good friends?
About a week ago, a couple of my friends had a massive go at me for being so ‘pathetic’ and ‘depressed’ all the time. They said that I should seek help if I really was upset, and that the fact that I hadn’t was a sign that I didn’t really need help. The problem is, I don’t know how I should act around them anymore, because they seemed so pissed off and annoyed with me.
I’ve recognised I need help. I’m apparently ’sick in the head’ because of my issues with eating and ‘lying about everything’ when it comes to beliving that I have self worth, which I don’t think I do. This is all supposedly important because I could be going to university next year, but I don’t think I’m worth a place on any course.
I’ve said to the main friend, that I’m fine with her, because she commented that I wasn’t hanging around with them as much, which is true, I sort of moved away and in to another group of friends, who seem to be far less judgemental. But the people that said this to me are old friends, and they do know a lot about me. I think I am okay with them, but as another friend pointed out, should I really be letting them get away with this? They shouted at me, told me I was ridiculous and made me cry for about an hour. I didn’t say anything whilst they spoke to me, and afterwards I tried to laugh it off and I made pasta to lighten the mood.. I didn’t know what else to do. I just felt like they thought I was making all of my feelings up, and that I keep up with some extravagent lie about my life, when actually, this is just how I think.
Today, also, I went to the college nurse and asked for a councilling appointment. I was terrified, but I did it. So I’m trying to help myself. The lack of self worth makes is almost impossible for me to ask for help. But I did. I don’t know. I guess I just needed to write this out somewhere. I’m feeling a bit lost and lonely.
Thanks for the oppurtunity to rattle on a bit. :)
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