life help: I am 20 years old and have been in a relationship for the past 3 years. - Help.com



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I am 20 years old and have been in a relationship for the past 3 years.

My boyfriend is ten years older than me and is very sweet now, but it hasn’t always been like that. I have forgiven him for the drugs and cheating. We bought a house together in 2008 and he asked me to marry him shortly after… I am not sure i want to get married anytime soon. I have always been in a relationship and don’t think i ever gave my self a chance to really have fun and get to know myself. I feel like i am missing out on a portion of my adolescence because i have grown up so fast. I don’t know what to do… Should i tell him and leave and live life a little…. I just don’t want to make the wrong desicion.

This open post was written 8 months ago | V/U/S: 179, 6, 6 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post


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Morally Ambiguous JD online Verified User (1 year, 3 months) Long Term User Shouts: 126 #
An Undisclosed Location | 8 months ago (6 minutes after post)

If you love him, then tell him you aren’t ready yet. if he accepts your desicion he loves you.

If he tries to blackmail you or bribe you into it, he doesn’t love you so much.

but if you don’t love him. your best to leave.

or if your just having doubts speak to fammily members that have been married before, they might be perfectly normal.

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Help me with: women only (gay men are welcome)
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Dr. Ralph offline Verified User (1 year, 1 month) Long Term User Shouts: 70 #
An Unknown Location | 8 months ago (18 minutes after post)

If you own a house together you guys are pretty much married. You are financially tied together for the next 15 to 30 years anyway… I think you jumped into this at a very young age and are just now begining to realize there can be more to life. I don’t know what to tell you to do, I guess go with your feeling.

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Help me with: They just started year round school here and the kids are on fall break.
Victoria Sponge offline Verified User (2 years, 10 months) Long Term User Shouts: 5 #
Fritwell, K2, GB | 8 months ago (38 minutes after post)

There is no reason you can’t experience life together, sell your house travel for a while, then come back and start again and get serious. Getting married isn’t the end of your life it’s the start of a new one. Only if you really and truely love him tho. If you are dreaming of a different kind of single girl fun maybe it’s time to experience it.
Sounds like you have been through a lot together surely that was for a reason. But don’t lose yourself to him. Me and my bf have very seperate lives as well as our lives together.

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Help me with: Great words of advice
chev.jame offline Verified User (1 year, 7 months) Long Term User Shouts: 1 #
An Unknown Location | 8 months ago (1 hour, 40 minutes after post)

Yes, you’ve already made one wrong decision–buying a house with someone who was not your husband. Yes, you are missing out on life. Yes, it was nice to forgive him for the cheating and the drugs . . . but forgiving doesn’t mean that he’s changed.

My suggestion: get your name off the mortgage. Leave this guy and learn what it’s like to have a guy who DOESN’T cheat and DOESN’T do drugs.

And don’t feel like you need to get married at 20. It’s far too young. If you marry this guy, you will compound your earlier mistake. Your gut is trying to warn you. If you don’t get out of this situation now, you’ll end up married, with a kid or two, and a husband whom you can’t trust or depend on.

That’s a lot to handle in your early twenties . . . or any other time.

Leave . . . he’s given you every justification. What more do you need . . . to walk in and find him stoned and in bed with another woman?

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elvedinaibri offline Unverified User #
An Unknown Location | 6 months, 2 weeks ago (1 month, 2 weeks after post)

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