Relationships help: complicated relationship I need help! - Help.com

are you setting unrealistic expectations for how you think you should experience love?

it sounds like you enjoy being with this person, but obviously there are commitment issues… i realize you are afraid of loosing him, but could there be something else you are even more afraid of?

i think you should stop freaking out and enjoy the relationship.

you deserve to be in a good relationship. so stop holding yourself back :-)

ps also i suggest you don’t sleep with people whom you know you don’t like in a romantic way… it just complicates things :-/

and, “But the thought of not hanging with him etc. and going back to my rather mundane life seemed crap”.
some guy won’t make you feel better about yourself. could that have been what you where expecting?

why arent you happy with yourself?

Firstly I don’t think any relationship is perfect so you shouldn’t be looking for “the perfect relationship.” Of course it also depends on what the definition of a “perfect relationship” is. There are probably as many answers to that one as there are people!

In any relationship there are ups and downs, and times when one or the other wishes that it would end, but then they get back together again. Sometimes the intensity of a relationships forces people apart because one or the other cannot cope with the strong feelings that are aroused, and then again those same feelings force them back together again. I suspect that this is the situation you find yourself in. I’m not saying that “feelings” in this context necessarily means “love” - just feelings, emotions which move you. If you’re not used to such feelings then I can understand your confusion.

Perhaps the thing to do would be to try and see the feelings as separate to the relationship and just enjoy the time that you have with this guy. When you start to panic take a few deep breaths and sort of shift those feelings to one side.

Just relax and go with the flow.

Good Luck!

I agree there are no perfect relationships; however, I haven’t heard you say in your writings if there is anything you really like about this fellow. I hear you
‘need’ him and that’s very different from loving a person.
In the ‘olden days’ it was normal for two people to meet, get to know one another as friends, or even if they rashly fell in love, they would generally ‘COURT’ to discover if they were indeed suited to each other’s needs.
Relationships are based on trust–trust takes time to build like a good, solid bridge. Perhaps you guys jumped the gun on intimacy.
I believe your feelings are telling you ’slow down’. Listen to your heart–your intuition.
Most people fall out of ‘being in love’ and loving a person consists of friendship, intimacy, trust and hopefully romantic love and the physical flame will survive
the crap life throws at one in the process.

You’ll figure it out–I encourage you to take the time you need to build
a relationship you love to be in. God bless!

Perhaps the best thing is not to see the psychologist. Just go with the flow. But why do you feel weird about the relationship when you’re not with the guy? What makes you feel it isn’t okay? You’re okay and happy when you’re with him, and you’re having fun. So what changes when you’re not with him?

Hi! Do you mind if I ask how old you are? Cause I’m thirty and I STILL freak about committed relationships! Agh! For me, it has usually consisted of these things:

- A skewed version/view of what “real” love feels like
- Not trusting my decisions
- Fearing that being with someone will tie me down or prevent me from living the life I “should” be living

In fact, I’ve just started a perfect guy and I’m freaking out right now. LOL

I’ve received some good advice from therapists/books/friends:

- Relax. The opposite of love is fear. If you’re afraid all the time, it’s very difficult for love to bloom.
- Enjoy this experience with out any expectations of what the end results should be (buddhist perspective)
- Remember that you (and he) will survive if the relationship ever goes south

I think therapists can be really great sounding boards. Do a little research though. Find someone who specializes in your age group, gender and other specifics that are important to you.

well i mean it sounds lyk u lyk the guy i mean if u guys hang out and stuff and he lyks u and u sort of lyk him but…. u dont think the rel8ionship is perfect … it doesnt have 2 be why??
its good 2 have change other wise ur love life would b boring and then that would b a good reason 2 break up