Love help: Okay so this is incredibly complicated long suicidal love story and im going to leave a lot out that will just make it too confusing. - Help.com

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so all of the “don’t”s you mentioned are really your own concerns… things you don’t want other people to tell you. so could it be that you fear that there is an element of truth in any of these “don’t”s?

“after all that and you still are against me”… no one’s against you; this is just an advice forum and your anonymous.

age old rule: in order to really love someone you must first love (or atleast feel confident in) yourself. It seems to me that you have a lot of problems with yourself and others around you.

you are not horrible; for you to write this out you are trying to reach out to others. anyone can appreciate that :-)

i suggest you find something you like to do, so you can realize ability and confidence in yourself. then see if you still want the same things as you do now.

good luck. i wish you the best

The fact that you have such a great capacity for love speaks for you. This is a wonderful quality and makes you a special person. I don’t think you should give up hope. It’s true that maybe she doesn’t return your feelings, but its possible you could change things. It also helps to learn to love oneself before loving another. You are definitely worthy of her, she just hasn’t seen that light.

Don’t give up on her my only advice is that don’t just don’t and if you fail then by then you’ll have realized who you are and what you want but as you do this never get stalkery that’s something nobody wants

@MMM716 I dont know if im concerned with the truth of the things I said I dont want people to say. I worry about some at times because I dont want to be a bad person for not loving her and I dont want things to not go my way for just this once, but I really dont like hearing the same useless advice said to me because its like people tell me i should give up and it just doesnt help how i feel.

I have trouble knowing what to do for a job, Ive never had a job in my life and Im going to get an apartment hopefully soon after I move. I never went to colledge either and I dont know if i have time to do that now.

@peachythang, thank you. I think it seems like most people dont know what love is so they think im some freak sometimes sadly

@anonymouse of course Ive already been called a stalker because of jokes people made about me and how she got harassed by them because they thought the two of us together would be funny. I would never want to be a stalker, I dont gather info on her, i dont follow her, I didnt keep the pictures of her that she had showed me in the past, I do nothing that remotely resembles a stalker or even a cyberstalker.
——-

Whats really the best way to calm down someone that is afraid and to let her know im no different than meeting someone in person or how can i get her to not judge me for the past and if i change to change in what way to get love? I havent even been able to speak with her for months now sadly, but i am still in contact with her friend, I could ask her friend what to do but im way too afraid of her putting me down.

just one more thing:

it is never good to be this obsessed with anything. that means you want it for the wrong reasons. a healthy desire is characterized by motivation and a realistic sense of the steps needed to achieve what you want.

besides that… STOP being afraid of being put down. you must be straightforward with others and yourself.

i feel sorry for you because you think by getting this girl your life won’t be “pathetic” anymore. real change comes from within. if you want a fulfilling life you must grow and do things that you have never done before- for example getting a job or continuing with your education (it is never too late and where there is a will there is a way).

…but i really don’t think you will consider this or any advice that doesnt seem to tell you the ideal answer you are looking for. again i wish you the best.

Im not obsessed and my reasons arent wrong, my reasons are to keep her happy and protect her from the jerks out there that want to use her and might hurt her.

It will make my life good because i would be happy, very happy to be able to make someone else happy. I like helping people but i can never help enough, if i had just one i really care about to help, every bad thing will feel alright.

Im already going to do things I havent done before, Im not expecting her to magically change her mind. Im not retarded.

What I was asking is if theres any specific tricks that can be used to help me, because i am willing to do everything for her

:-) i know you’re not retarded.

specific tricks: let her know how much you care. if you don’t let her know in some way, shape or form, then she’ll have no idea.
communicate through her friend, hand written letters are always sincere, and personally i think flowers are visually pleasing and a symbolic representation of how you feel abut her.

plus they smell nice. so if she is that type of girl, definitely do the flowers. lol

and one more thing…. you seem like a really sweet person so i care about this post:

don’t move too quickly first be friends. she has no reason to really like you unless she gets to know you more. don’t scare her.

is there anything she knows a lot about? ask her for her opinion (a practical reason to spend time with someone). then after that casually ask her out… see where i am going with this? dont move too quickly.

I dont think flowers would work for a 17 year old girl whos rejected me and ive never met in real life, thats stalker’ish to do that lol on a side-note, no im not a old man

Things actually turned really bad at some point so ive already messed up a lot added to what others have done to make it worse so thats what makes it hard. I already have told her i care about her at one point but i didnt want to explain it as lovingly as i tell others because it would sound creepy and i did at at a point when things were pretty bad and after i havent spoken to her for months, her friend forced her to talk to me but she was in a cranky mood it being really late at night. She doesnt consider me a part of her life and says she doesnt meet people from online and she got grossed out even i think at the thought =/

Ive talked to her for a year so it wasnt too quickly. In fact It was only a mistake people thought i loved her originally and that got her puting me down in the first place but then i really did start liking her a lot later on.

Oops, i cant figure out how to change it out from being anonymouse so i can get more people to see it easier >

You have really low self-esteem. Please don’t take offense at this but if you can do anything, anything at all to change your self-image then I believe that everything else will click right into place.

You may not get the girl; but love is not all there is to life and it is most certainly not the key to happiness.

My advice to you is to look for traits in yourself that are admirable, compliment yourself on them, and show other people that you have them. You will love yourself for it and doing so will begin to repair what is obviously a dejected and broken lifestyle.

You are extremely articulate in your explanations, you know how to elicit a response, and you know how to tell a story. Capitalize on this. If you learned a lot about a particular subject, I would respect and admire you as someone worthy of debate. I’m certain that she would too.

Also, sometimes long distance relationships do work. My love and I have been together for two years, and apart for four years, and we still reciprocate and somehow seem to spend a long time together (she only lives a few thousand miles away so it’s not too hard). The big things that have kept us together are openness, willingness to compromise, and most importantly honesty. She would rather I do something she completely disapproves of, and tell her about it, than to do something she doesn’t mind, and hide it from her.

Sorry for the long, only loosely related story, and I seriously hope it helps you out, as I am generally bad at giving advice =(

Again please don’t take offense at me saying you have low self-esteem, but it seems to be true and that is something that you can work at, and change. I imagine that at times I have been in very, very similar emotional situations as yourself.

Actually my self-esteem was ok until everything that happened with her and others. When I was younger I was more confident though. I think I have anxiety problems and i also have some of the characteristics of avoidant personality disorder unless its just generalized anxiety.

Well the meaning of life is varied by person to person and i need her to fill my void so i can enjoy other things and know shes alright.

Ive always hated complimenting myself, it just feels weird to me like i get emberrised almost. I hate aggogant people so i try hard to avoid seeming like one.

Thank you, but actually my writing skills are fairly poor. I was never taught well enough. Im more into doing poems as the only writing i enjoy. I do debate with people at times but I often get annoyed with it, I often listen to both sides of a story. With her we never debated because we both shared the same opinions on just about everything.

I know they sometimes work, of course i wouldnt want just a long distance relationship and since i am going to be moving it would be very easy for me to be with her if she wanted me to assuming she got back to where she previously lived soon. If she still didnt return and was far away and wanted me i would gladly move to where she is, or at least take a trip to see her and meet her and figure what to do later. Im willing to compromise for her and im always honest and maybe i was too open with her a times though. I think she has communication problems unfortunately. Im sorry that you and your love are apart but i am glad its still working for you ^_^

I dont take offense to someone saying i have low self-esteem but what i do take offense to is people who say im self-loathing or self-hating, that just pisses me off and it eventually did make me hate-myself.

Thank you for your help or at least your attempt to help ^^

hey i understand what’s going on. you said that you see your life as pointless and meaningless. i’ve been there, truly. and i know when you found this lady per internet, it feels that you can get excited again.
hey…. i care. i understand the emptiness, depression and the loneliness.
in fact, i believe that there’s a hole in every man’s heart that only christ can fill. i was so empty, disoriented and confused (tho everything looks fine on the outside) 2 years ago until i met god. when that happened, everything just became make sense, on why on earth you’re here on earth, on why you were created, etc. and you’ll find a purpose in relationship with the loving father. what you need is jesus’ love to fill you up like a coke in a desert… it’s not an empty promise. it’s something real and it’s the truth that will make you free.
hope everything will be well with you.

Thanks for trying but I dont do religion, thats just tricking yourself that your loved really. Thats not for me

I think Im still in a bad mood thinking I should die =S

It seems so hopeless, its like all the people involved have killed me setting me up for my execution and my own tiny mistakes have also hurt me greatly yet i still dont want to fail her. Shes so got her mind made up it seems and i cant talk to her right now, she doesnt treat me like im real or that Im even worth loving and she might be a dependent type personality. I have to suffer so much as if i deserve it, I dont know if anyone has succeded in both an online first meeting and a unrequited love turned into real love at the same time. I feel like its over, my hopes were up but it seems like theres no hope in her actions. They killed me with their jokes and mockery and lies and slander and libel and my parents killed me with their overprotectivness that turned me into the loser all alone that cant be loved by the girl i love and she killed me with her harshness and paranoia and lack of realizing im a real person, Im in way too deep to stop unless I die. She really could have loved me but im just some loser, a stranger to her and im just not good enough, i would have to be so perfect and possibly even famous and godlike just to get her attention and love to keep her life good as much as i possibly can :’(

Oh great, ive gone forgotten or unnoticed here too =S

I really really dont know what everything i can and need to do

hasnt anyone been in a situation like this?

hi sum. first things first, the one and only “thing thing i can offer you” you can benifit from you have rejected. His name is the Lord Jesus Christ. secondly you seem to have a place that would benifit from fellowship with others. go learn tennis, kyaking, or something active with the guys. new to an ariea and have no aquaintances? where u at? maby we can reason out a group 4 u to hang with. i live in poverty, so i understand your finances, but have learned to adapt and have fun. i know your situation all to well, i wont elaborate, but your in a MUCH better condition than i had been for many years. talk to me. dig up some braincells and type them out. i’ll be looking forward to your responce.

jason.

I haven’t got time at the moment to read this my friend however asap I will read it and answer, and help you as much as possible.

I will reply to you later calemus im a bit busy to give a (somewhat) well written response
——
thank you Luck
—-
Last night I made the mistake of reading part of the last conversation I had with her about me telling her how i felt and asking her to give me a chance and how she rejected me and wouldnt listen to me (maybe because I havent changed yet for her she did that) and i got really sick feeling, then faint feeling, started getting a headache and started thinking suicidal thoughts again then woke up in he morning feeling the same rolling around for hours having nightmarish thoughts of how horrible I am and how I am suck a failure to her.

i think it would not do well for me to tell of my events that have wrought in me understanding, but rather ask you to trust me,,,i know how you feel. i am still looking forward to our conversation, and hope maby one of us, or both of us might be able to benefit from the insight of the other.

woww =/
maybe i shouldnt be worrying about my problems so muchh
im sorry you’re going through this.

Thanks =)

I didnt even get to talking about the sociopaths that were screwing with me and one using her =/

okay calemus or jason or whatever you feel like me calling you, i was going to say a long explanation but i dont feel like bothering anymore with that. Short is thats just a distraction method, doesnt really help me get the girl I love.
————

I dont know what to do anymore, my heart hurts and I just dont want to leave hope =(

well,,,about the jason calemus thing,,,my birth certificat says “Jason Calemus McDougal” thats why used the 2 diff names. calemus s the perfect “internet name” for me,,i only have 1 other guy to contend with that lives in michigan who uses the name, but i seem to be winning the internet reservations game.

about the female complication.

judging by what you have writen,, it seems she has been persuaded, or exposed as being in oposition to being your wife.
i say wife, because i am looking down the road.
human desire says i want a good trustworthy relationship that develops and gets better through time.thats the shinny side of mariage i always see in my personal fantisies,,,the real side is a lot less atractive.

i have been rejected now in 3 diffrent circumstances, each one more amazing and mind blowing ways getting worse as they went.
it’s been more than 11 years now since i lost my first girlfriend.
the past 2 rejections have been around 2 and 1 year past.
and i am currently being rejected by the one i believe i will marry.
so i asume i might be able to relate at least a wee bit.

but i know that dosent help u where u r now.
i want to keep these short so i dont bore you to death even though i could type for pages,,,i want to close this session with this thought,,,,and if you want i will keep wrighting,,,,but only if you say u r intrested.i dont want to pester,,

,my thought
a dove who stays home because she wants to is what i want in a wife.

a captured falcon that has to have it’s wings cliped to keep it home, is very dangerous, likly to hurt it’s keeper, and will escape as soon as it finds it’s wings have grown out.

if you tell the girl what you want for you both , and let her fly away, and she makes the desision to come back than it can be good.
but never entrap the beast.

jason

Im not sure if it would work or not, i was freaking out looking for hidden signs from her friend and she was talking about how cats avoid people that like them because they look at them and they go to the people that hate them because thats a sign for them to go over. I am just being paranoid and i dont think she was using metaphors but i dont know.

The girl i like has a independent type of personality, not sure if its from her paranoia and lack of trust in people or what though. All i know is the things ive heard about her and how she likes guys kind of freaks me out and it makes me afraid shes going to get hurt by someone.

lets look at this,,
as a man, i believe were to be married once. till death do us part.
is this girl the ONE you want to take care of nurture and work for for the rest of your life?
you had seriously SERIOUSLY for the sake of your soal look into see if this is the one you want to get locked in with. if you think it hurts now,,,, dude, it aint NOTHING compaired to whene she kills your baby and leaves for another guy. believe me. i know. i could say mor and worse,,,but theres no need,,, my point is get the lines of detail all worked out now. finding out the secrets later is what hurts more. pleas, beleive me.

lay it on the line, you want it all plain and simple. no asumptions, no riddles, and no second hand she said he said.

Well I havent even met her in real life now so im not that sure but im sure right now at least.

Jeez :S im sorry about that stuff =/

Everything is hidden under so many layers of “he said she said” it gets really annoying but I have no contact with her at the moment so i have to rely on her friend.

at that would honestly say, let it go. if you ever meet her, tell her your fellings. but a middle messenger to me means the goal is a runner. you dont want a girl you have to chase. they destroy men very very eficiently.

Well I dont care anyways, I love her. I didnt choose her and i want no one else

i can only wish for you the best.

Thanks

alright sum
tbh i cudnt b botherd to read all the rplys lol
but i did read ur story
and
wel
i stil dont quite understand WHY she doesnt like u
other than the fact she thinks u might b a stalker
is that the only reason?
if not.. plz explain more so i can giv beter advice
further more
someotimes it helps people to hear stories about how messed up other ppls lives r
so they cn feel a lil better about their own
lol..
idk if this is the acse wit u
but if u like
id b willing to share wit u some personal things about my self
possibly in an email or sumthng
if u want
as a way to make u feel beter.. cuz atm i dont kno wut else to say
or i cud tel u the story about my mom and dad
wich seems a bit like ur stroy here
umm… but yea
if ur leaving out any details about u and ur girl
maybe tel me mor about her and who she is? wat she likes? etc
i knida help a lot better wen i kno the full story
anyways so if u wana i cn let u se my email..
unles u alredy can c it o_O i rely duno ow that works lol

oh.. wait one piece of advice i do have
is plz dont kill urself
XD ok that wasnt advice
but sersly
idk maybe im weird
but ppl like u giv me strangth to go on wit my life
why?
becuz im about as mesd up as u
and if ur stil standing.. then i feel like i shud too
and i jus wud feel extremely depressed if u gave up
becuz then i wud feel like i am alone on this
and then i might b inclined to giv up as well
and u kno how u sed ur girl is prety much ur only reason to liv?
wel same here
as sad as tht may seem
shes wat i liv for
my goal in life is to one day meet her in rl, date her, marry her, start a family
etc
thats relly my only goal in life
along with one other thing
so i gues… i kno how u feel
and i RELY RELY RELY wana help u out
even if i hav no idea how atm
i cn think of something
>_>
u r now on my list of goals
im gona help u out wit this :]

lol nah I dont feel better people have more messed up lives, it only makes me sad

She doesnt like me because she seems to have a big fear and paranoia problems.
We have a lot in common but she looks down on me for being whinny at times and for the fact that she made me cry(but she did apologize those times she did after).
She doesnt like how I still live with my parents even though I dont like them
and that i have no job
and never have
and that i never went to college
and maybe i dont look good enough either
and maybe that im not skilled enough(i bet she would love if i could play an instrument)
and maybe she doesnt think of me as a real person because i only talked to her online and maybe im just cursed
and maybe shes so independent of a personality she doesnt want anyone even though ive heard she loves guys

those are guesses though mostly
=(

sorry for the bad grammar lol

oh and im sorry for how you feel how your “messed up”. Living for someone else is good, you could just find more things to live for also.

and thanks

NO PROBLEM ABOUT UR GRAMMER
llolol serisouly.. hav u seen my spellin? ;p
anywas lol
ok so i think u need to first off relax
becuz unless she SPECIFICALY SAYS
she does not like u for this reason
or that reason
then u stil hav a shot
trust me
many times i hav thought to myself
my gf wont like me for being this way
and its manily jus a guess
and it gets me real depressed
and this happens often
and somehow i hav the guts to ask her if she stil likes me despite(inspite?) how i am
and then she always ends up saying
that ofc she does, im not weird, im jus special, yada yada XD
so take it from me.. assuming things is NOT something u wana do
it makes u feel rely bad
and it reduces ur chances to 0 wen theyre actualy much higher
so therein lies ur first task
next time u see her online
u hav to ask her the folowing
do u not like me becuz u think im a stalker? or is ther sumtin else..
wait for her answer
and then take it from there
if u want, tel me wut she says.. il keep helping u
but those reasons u listed
r mainly things u dont like about urself
and trust me i have endless things i do not like about myself
yet they dont really seem to bother my gf
i swear she is like.. the most amazing girl ever lol
anyways, so yea.. and dont b lazy n procrastinate lol
>_> ask her! becuz u need to know =p

sum wrote:
oh and im sorry for how you feel how your “messed up”. Living for someone else is good, you could just find more things to live for also.

and thanks

heh..
wel im someone who is usualy happy with things
im not looking for anythng big to make me happy
it doesnt take much to make me hapy rrely
im jus looking to fulfil my 2 dreams, one of them is being wit my girl forever :]
and i find that living for my girl
makes me a beter person
becuz thers so many things i dont like about myself
and i wudnt rely bother chaning them cuz wats the point
but id change them for her no doubt
so she brings out a beter person in me
shes also pressuring me to get a job so i can go meet her
wich is great cuz im usualy lazy and wud not get one other wise lol
i jus feel like she may be exactly wut i need to piece my life back together agen

Yeah but she has insulted me and put me down for those things and shes also rejected me =/

I dont think shes gonna come online soon, maybe she blocked me and also doesnt want to talk to people online anymore. My only connection to her is her friend. Im going to be moving to where she used to live, and i hope she returns to soon, soon so its going to be bad feeling.

I asked her “whats wrong with me?” and she said “thers nothing wrong with you except you wont get over me” which sucks because i never told her my feelings to begin with and she never rejected me before then. She has serious communication problems and trust problems. I dont know what people told her all that time =( I asked “what if i changed, then would you like me?” she responded “I dont know! this is stupid”

Risen Demon wrote:

sum wrote:
oh and im sorry for how you feel how your “messed up”. Living for someone else is good, you could just find more things to live for also.

and thanks

heh..
wel im someone who is usualy happy with things
im not looking for anythng big to make me happy
it doesnt take much to make me hapy rrely
im jus looking to fulfil my 2 dreams, one of them is being wit my girl forever :]
and i find that living for my girl
makes me a beter person
becuz thers so many things i dont like about myself
and i wudnt rely bother chaning them cuz wats the point
but id change them for her no doubt
so she brings out a beter person in me
shes also pressuring me to get a job so i can go meet her
wich is great cuz im usualy lazy and wud not get one other wise lol
i jus feel like she may be exactly wut i need to piece my life back together agen

Thats good

to be honest
i think u r sounding (to her) a little too clingy and insecure
and thats probably wats bothering her
anlong with maybe other things
but i wudnt kno
wat i do kno is
#1
just becuz she insulted u dusnt mean anythng
people insult ppl all the time
sometimes ppl r mean to the ones the likes
sometimes ppl r jus in a bad mood and need to take it out on someone
sometimes ppl dont see the good in u til they get close to u
etc etc
trust me iv been insulted many times
by my gf
but i got over it
sometimes she says things
without even knowing they hurt
other times, to see how much i can take
becuz shes convinced i will eventually leave her one day becuz shes not good enough
so at times she constalntly pisses me off jus to c if i wud leave o.O
but anyways
“whats wrong with me?” and she said “thers nothing wrong with you except you wont get over me”
at least u kno nothing is wrong wit u in her eyes
but based on her reply
id say
maybe she rely dus not like you o_O
im not rely sure wat to do in that situation
idk if its possible to force someone to lke u lol
but i kno its possible to go from being “neither liked not unliked”
to liked
but unliked to liked.. im not sure
anyways.. also
a lot of ppl tend to b bad at communicating
EPESCIALLY on msn or internet
its hard to truly understand wat someone is sayin
becuz u cannot hear the tone in wich they sed it
or see their facial expression
and often times that is the cause of many arguments wit me and my girl
i neevr can tel wen shes joking and wen shes not
etc bla bla
but..
“what if i changed, then would you like me?” she responded “I dont know! this is stupid”
that, right ther
is a no no
u dont want her to see ur low self esteem
even if she knows its ther
becuz it gets people down
jsu like
if ur acting all depressed
around people
they mostly tend to shut u out and ignore u
rather thn help
becuz it gets them down as well
and it ruins their mood
soo…
dont act all
clingy
and obsesd wit her
by asking her if shed liek u if u wer to change for her
ur bascially seeming a tad too obsesd
and u kno wat
it is stupid :P
dont change for her
change for urself
if u dont like something about u [wich omg! wat a coincidence! jus hapens to b sumthn she doesnt like either lol]
then change it
but do it for urself :]
and im sorry u r not able to contact her atm =/
tryin asking her frend if she wud tel her to come online and talk to u
dotn say that u wana ask her sumthn, and dont mention that u miss her either

o… also
shes sounds imature
and rather impulsive
like she speaks before she thinks
and often says things wich make not much sense
or that cud b hurtful to u
O.o
im not 100% sure shes like this lol
but by her 2 replies wich u gav me
it kinda seems like it
cuz im very much like that lol
and id prolly say
“this is stupid!”
jus for the hell of sayin watever is on my mind
tho maybe i dont actualy think it to b stupid
…….. but yea, i gues u wil kno more than me wat she is like ;p

I know she thinks im clingy, but i realy wasnt before. Ive even avoided her on purpose. She started 2/3rds of our conversations and i ended 2/3rds of them.

Yeah she did say she doesnt mean everything she says, but still.. .. =/

well thats not true, her friend told her i might kill myself so she could have just been tying to be nice to me and not tell me whats wrong with me. She doesnt seem like she would care if i killed myself, she just thinks it would be dumb.

I know I cant force her and I wouldnt want a false love. I just cant see how she can not like me when we only have everything in common. her standards must be sooooo high and im such a loser =(

*sigh* great now im kinda depressed again =(

uh oh
dont b depressed dude
girls r relly weeeeeeird o_O
me and my girl hav -(negative sign)infinity in common lol
im not her type
and add onn all the things ive done to her
betrayed her trust
etc
not to mention im rely messed up
and im a total jerk
she likes sweet guys who giv hugs and stuff lol
.. but some how she likes me
sooo…
i gues sometimes its not about having things in common?
maybe its just rely about how u make them feel?
she says she cannot think about one single reason as to why she likes me
all she can say is
she likes the way i make her feel
[tho at times i make her feel like a loser, and an idiot, and a btch o_O]
so ocne again.. they r insanley complicated lol
and to be honest
She doesnt seem like she would care if i killed myself, she just thinks it would be dumb.
i kno it might seem like she was jus tryyin to b nice
but she sunds kind of self centered or.. i gues imature and only thinking of herself rely
so im not too sure she wud hav spared ur feelings
at times i hav even been extremely depressed
and told my girl im so effin sad ia go hang myself
and shes jus likee..
um ook o_O hav fun
wich makes me feel even worse cuz it sounds like she cud care less..
but wat shes rely trying to say is
“i kno ur not gona do it, ur jus lookin for some attention or for me to make u feel beter, so go ahead n make ur drama, n then come back”
lol.. she can b harsh at times o_O but maybe thats how ur girl is too?
maybe she KNOWS u dont hav the guts to do it
so she thinks its dumb that ur saying that
and prolly thinks ur jus lookin for attention
even tho u most probably r not

I was always nice to her and I made her laugh and I sometimes made her feel better when she was down. I even have girls say any girl would be lucky to have me =(

I just messed up somehow and everyone else messed me up by screwing me over and ive never done anything like this before and I dont want to think she just doesnt like me because if she doesnt then im dead with no way of changing anything, there has to be a reason =S

I really dont know what shes totally like always, shes so confusing but i just want to love her so much because of how much i love how she is on the inside, i dont get hhow it doesnt seem like it transfers to how she acts outside. Shes got problems it seems and i care so deeply for her.

I just messed up somehow and everyone else messed me up by screwing me over
how exactly did u mess up?
r we still tlakin about the same thing?
u seeming clingy and stalkerish to her
or is ther sumth else?
and yea.. my gf says that to me always
I was always nice to her and I made her laugh and I sometimes made her feel better when she was down. I even have girls say any girl would be lucky to have me
lol but idk about that XD
anyway man dont giv up
u jus need to relax
take everythn day at a time
ima b here to help u
but u gota get to kno her better
u gota get her frend to tel her to come on and tlk to u
okay?

I dont know it feels like I didnt do a good enough job of conveying my emotions to her and it was way too late past the damage that was done before i relized after people telling me, that i love her so thats why she can hurt me so much and i was shocked and realized they were right.

Oh god, that would be bad if i talked to her right now, she has so much bad blood for me now when things used to be so good even though i never did anything to her. she was freaking out on me before i myself even knew i loved her and i didnt get clingy either. People manipulated her thinking some or something. Her friend had to force her to talk to me the last time just so i wouldnt kill myself as she thought, because she thought it would bring closure but what kind of closure is being ****** over for something i didnt do and to be hated for what im not? none at all really.

I dont know what to feel. If I lose hope of being with her, i lose hope of ever being happy and ever having my life have a point and will feel like its just pointless to live through this crap any longer =/

thanks =/

yep well
wen u feel like crap
sometimes its good to take a nap
or jus go to sleep
and no i dont mean kil urself
lol
wen u fall asleep
is basically wen u can b happy
x]
and then wen u wake up
things dont seem AS BAD as they do at this current moment
lol.. u shud try it
anyways
i think u stil got a shot
u jus gota talk to her first
but jus so i get a beter idea
how long hav u two known eachoter?
n wens the last time u talked?

Actually Im worst in nights and mornings and I have bad dreams(sometimes about her) in my sleep. I know every trick around for feeling better when depressed or else i wouldnt be able to help so many who are on this site but I dont want to feel better, I just want everything to BE better so I can actually be truly happy rather than manipulated, distracted or drugged to have seemingly false feelings.

I started talking to her about a little over a year ago and havent talked to her for almost half a year now and lat talked to her months ago when she rejected me after i finaly tried to tel her a small part of what i felt. =/

Ive actually gotten over her a few times over, maybe 5 or more to a deep apathy where i dont care about anything but I care for her so much I always fall back in love with her because i want to love her even if i cant have her, just wishing i could do things for her to keep her safe and happy still. So i have unconditional love almost and also unrequited but i so need and want a real true love with her. I felt as if i would be with her in another world, its just that her life and my life got messed up.

yup i kno wat u mean
im tired of feeling beter at times also
im sick of being ahppy for a bit
only to realise im truly not
i also jus want things to be better
eh…
if u only knew my story lol
thers a lot of thins that keep me from being ahppy
and many of those things i cud fix if i had some goddam money
not that im superficialy or materialistic or anythng
.. its something complicated lol
anyways im sorry to hear that..
lol rely
everythn thats goin on wit u is prety sad =/
but if u rely want a shot wit her…
u gota try talkin to her agen
and also
if u dont mind me asking
how/wer did u meet?
i kno u met online
but wer

Well shes 5 years younger than me and I was 20 when i first started talking to her =S

ok.. wel did u meet her in a game?
or chat room?
on here? lol jk
becuz maybe..
and this is just an idea
wich u might hate me for even suggesting
but maybe
if she stil uses the place wer u met online
maybe u can go back ther
pretend to b a different person, diffreent name
and ofcourse live somewhere not near her
hehe
and try talking to her like that
it could work
it cud make u happy
and altho she wont kno its the real u
its abou the only thing i can come up with
becuz..
talking to her is rely key in this situation lol
and fresh starts r always nice

umm.. also if u dont mind XD
im gona go to sleep now lol
its 4am
this site is addicting o_O

It was on a forum and she hastn been on for months and thats the place where all the other people that lied to her about me and stuff still are. She knows what i look like so i would have to eventually let her know its me, i already thought of that once before months and months ago before it got this bad.

I dont want to be right next to her but my dad got a job near that state.

Night

adds a sholder to lean on into the group.

calemus wrote:
adds a sholder to lean on into the group.

lol thx cale x]

very well….oh dear god, first off i know im too late to reply but, i hope my words could be of any help to u..
i dont know where u are, or what kind of circumstances have played the main role in your life,anyhow ur saying ur inlove with a girl that u never saw or even know anything for sure about her…..now as for the love thing, i absolutely respect that, but sadly thats not love bro,im not saying ur obsessed or anything, but i dont think it is possible for love to develop by chatting!!! yes u like her as some person on some blog n surely u like what she told u about her….but i dont think u love her, sorry man..ur just attached to something that may not exist,,n even if she does n everything she told u is true, still for any emotions to be true n pure u would have to experience being around her in REAL life…..i KNOW ull think, eh ,what does he know!!…but just trust me, having this kind of life is terrible, u think u know,but u dont…..
my advice to u would be, turn that **** pc off,get out,do stuff, socialize,,just then u will start to realize stuff u didnt,do that, just for a change,,how about that…..n if then u could see this girl,n u “REloved” her as the real thing she is.,then that wouldnt be so bad, actually it would be kind of some big time cyber love story! ;)
and BTW….u never had a girfriend,,
maybe now ur thinking that u two will fall in love, n run away,n live happily ever after,,.,., sorry but its not how love works,….dude, get out,
experience..experience..experience…..or else ull never survive life..
P.S i havent read any replies, so i wouldnt know if something missed me.

Talking is a method that lets a persons insides come out to the light. I mean really, do you think love is just being close to someone? Trust me it is love and i spent a large amount of time making sure. I can not love what does not exist, I also talk to her friend and have a decent idea of what shes like but i just cant put it into words easily. Even if i knew her in person I would be not much better of knowing her than anyone else because she has that kind of way with things. She is a real person and so am I. What does distance have to do with knowing someone? I know people ive never met more than even thier closets of friends sometimes. I called it “re-love” or “potential-love” but i feel love just the same anyways, im pointing out I do love her strongly but Im not some ignorant idiot who doesnt realize I havent met her in real life but hey I still know her. I seem to have a good feeling and image of who she is, I was even able to predict exactly what she looks like before ever seeing a picture of her. I know her well enough because we have similarities and distance could never break that. In order for me to love her for what shes not I would have to have a perfect image of her in my mind, and I dont have that. I understand she can freak out and act like a ***** but I have an understanding that she has reasons and I dont belive she is a true *****, shes a good person. Im not desperate and im not ignorant so dont say that I dont feel love her. There are many kinds of love and this falls close to being unconditional love for her but also a feeling of true love. Im not some loner, I hate being alone so dont think I am some nerd who just wants her because shes on the computer. I will be living more after I have moved off but I know I will still want her because I really care for her and want her safe and happy always.

If thats not how love works then thats not love. **** all of humanity and all of this love lies and **** my life and I will die because I wont give a **** at all then. Why the **** do people think I have to **** a million ******* just to have love as if that even relates? Why the **** cant I be with who I love just because I found her before I was with anyone else!!!!????!?!! Why the **** are you people all so twisted and distorted and contorted into a shame of excuse for the belife of bull **** versions of love???? **** you all you selfish freaks!!! Being with a ******* girlfriend is not love, that is “convenience-love” “selfish-love” “involved-crush”, thats loving someone just because you have them and that you only care about them because they do **** for you. Why must the world be so shallow and ignorant? **** the world!!!!! Im so sick of it all, im better off dead because I am not aloud to live. Why would anyone be so sick to be in a relationship just for themselves? Why would I ever want to use someone else and hurt them just for ******* practice? Its all so sick and wrong. The world is sick and i dont want to live in it if its like that =(

wow, didnt see that comin,,look dude,no one is sayin ur an ignorant idiot….
and it seems theres no way to tell that this aint love, ok then so this is love,,,what ever!!!!!!
the whole world is twisted n sick!!!!!..well life isnt exactly wonderland man, life is full of sh1t..
relationships r full of ******** sometimes, but thats up to bothsides of it……
let me tell u about my so called love life, n u be the judge…..
the only girl i want n truely love over any words could describe,i hurt that one so bad, cuz i think i was afraid of commitment,,anywayz, meanwhile i know many gals online just for fun, no more!! n i get in n out of relations with gals (in real life) just for fun as well,,.n u know what,.when a gals with me or when on the phone,,we both tell each other how much we missed each other,n that we love each other….now this is total hypocrisy but what else can we do….its not like were not gonna get married or somethin….and u know what?! its not sick or twisted, cuz eventually i told hor that i didnt really have anything for her, she also did, n she told me its ok i just wanna have fun,n so did i!!!!!!
i hope this makes any sense cuz im realy so dammmnn sleepy….goodluck man ;)

I know its fine if they know about the lack of love or feelings or whatever but I just see no real point to that. Every individual is different so going out with a bunch of girls does not relate at all. I dont believe that just some random girl could ever fill any void in my heart. The only reason people go out with so many is because they want to be with someone and they never liked those people much to begin with. There are plenty of cases of people always being with only one person to love and stay with them.