I don’t know what to do to make things better.

Emilie T

I don’t know what to do to make things better.

My partner of 4 and a half years have been through a lot together. We have been planning to get married but it seems like we have some unresolvable problems at the moment.

He feels that I don’t do enough around the house, I am a but scatty and also very outdoorsy. He likes the place to be pretty much immaculate all the time. I am making more of an effort.

He is quite introspective. He started studying in january and that is all he seems interested in. He doesn’t seem to want to spend any time with me outside of the house and rarely initiates anything for us to do together. On top of this he relies on me or public transport and we live in a rural area. This makes him feel isolated.

I am paying around 70% of the outgoings - this is not a huge problem for me as he has contributed alot in other ways in the past.

The truth is, I really miss him. I also feel like I am loosing faith in him too. He has looked towards getting his transort situation sorted out for a couple of years and there have been plently of times where time and money has been there for him to do this. He also has a back problem which taking exercise would help. He rarely takes any exercise.
We rarely go out together anymore unless it is with other people or i suggest it.
I know that he is low, i really feel though that some of these things he would probably want to do if he were not with me. It’s as if he has no enthusiasm or motivation for anything except his course.

We have had some nasty arguments in the past. I know at times he sincerely loves me but at other times I wonder why he’s with me at all. He has encouraged and supported me to pursue my own interests then when I do seems to resent it.

I love him very much and miss him. I dont know what to do to put it right, I’m just sad from the hurt and misunderstanding we have between us.

I really want to spend some time with him but I can’t ask anymore as I feel that he isn’t that interested.

I am feeling so sad. I have talked to him but he seems really unwilling to want to change anything in himself where as I want to try and improve myself for him although my efforts are a bit crap at times.

I dont know how to go on. He is the person I really believe that I would spend the rest of my life with…and still do. But I think I might be deluded.

In an arguement he said that I would be a bad wife. I don’t want anymore arguments and don’t know what to do…..

I love him so much and don’t know what to do. We tried counselling and is ended in a horrible arguement where he walked out.. it was also fairly rubbish to be honest and didn’t tell us anything we didn’t already know……

I KNOW for me, all I need from my end is to spend some quality time with him and see him get enthused about making things better for himself…..

I just don’t believe that he will do this with me…

That makes me sad and hurt..

This open post was written 7 months, 3 weeks ago | V/U/S: 441, 14, 7 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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Emilie T invited 6 users to read this post 7 months, 3 weeks ago.

.:FaBulOciTy:. 15 #
An Unknown Location | 7 months, 3 weeks ago (18 minutes after post)

Im So sorry hun..

I dont knw wat to tell you..

Bt you know they say dont try to change anyone..

Maybe you two should take a break to make him realize what life would be like with out you?

sorry im sure that didnt help at all.. sorry

Help me with: i feel like im dieing..

Emilie T 3 #
An Unknown Location | 7 months, 3 weeks ago (19 minutes after post)

thanks :) that is true…I can’t expect him to change who he is x

alex_t 0 #
An Unknown Location | 7 months, 3 weeks ago (20 minutes after post)

Maybe things might improve when he has his own transport. You say he’s down at the moment maybe he’s just having a rough time?

You’re not psychic and neither is he do you both understand each others issues? Try talking to him without arguing and bring this up, maybe there are things that bother him too. Sometimes people don’t always realise what they’re doing is wrong even though it should be obvious until someone points it out.

Emilie T 3 #
An Unknown Location | 7 months, 3 weeks ago (21 minutes after post)

To be honest, i really think he might find life without me better :(

Emilie T 3 #
An Unknown Location | 7 months, 3 weeks ago (29 minutes after post)

Thanks Alex - I don’t think either of us ‘get’ each other’s needs really though…we have talked and talked and we get stuck…..
I just feel really sad.

Neutra 19 #
An Undisclosed Location | 7 months, 3 weeks ago (37 minutes after post)

Couples argue all the time, it’s apart of life and completely normal. Just work with him and the two of you can solve what comes your way.

alex_t 0 #
An Unknown Location | 7 months, 3 weeks ago (51 minutes after post)

I don’t know.. ask him what he meant by the ‘bad wife’ remark if it’s bugging you that because it sounds like you’ll hold it against him.

He might feel bad or too proud or something about doing things because you’re paying for all the outgoings. Go through what you posted for help for on here and try not to blame him just that you want to help and see if any of it sinks in?

.:FaBulOciTy:. 15 #
An Unknown Location | 7 months, 3 weeks ago (54 minutes after post)

Have patience it is a womens greatest strength.. Have patience i knw it seems like u have bt it will only make your guys relationship stronger.. patience=happiness

Help me with: i feel like im dieing..

Florimouse 26 #
An Undisclosed Location | 7 months, 3 weeks ago (6 hours, 10 minutes after post)

What do you love about him?

Help me with: Incredibly, stupidly slow!

Florimouse 26 #
An Undisclosed Location | 7 months, 3 weeks ago (6 hours, 14 minutes after post)

And, what does he love about you?

From what you’ve written here, you should leave this guy behind. Patience is not always a good thing at all. Life is short. Find someone who really digs you.

Help me with: Incredibly, stupidly slow!

☆ 172 #
An Undisclosed Location | 7 months, 3 weeks ago (18 hours, 1 minute after post)

You do love him, but does he love you? And if he does, how does he show it other than supporting you with things?

When someone knows we are with them all the time, it is a human natural weakness that sometimes we take them for granted because we know they are always there at the background. When they start fading away, that’s the time when we realize we have missed so much of them while they are still around…waiting to be recognized and patiently waiting to be hugged and loved.

What about trying to leave the house for some time? tell him honestly how you feel about this situation and see how he would hold on you. Is he going to do something to make you stay and correct some of his ways for his and your future? or would he be willing to let you go.

Something to think about.

Help me with: Anyone?

astrange 1 #
An Unknown Location | 7 months, 3 weeks ago (3 days, 20 hours after post)

Your situation sounds pretty similar to mine except that my bf’s the one paying most since he’s working and i’m studying.

we used to spend alot of time togther and have fun.recently things became rather stale and like you, i love him so much and know he’s the person i wanna spend the rest of my life with but when he tells me that im boring to be with and stuff like that.it really hurts me as i know he do loves me very much but our r/s seems to have lost that spark that brought us together.i’ve tried way to rekindle it time and time again and its jus frustating when i dont feel his cooperation in these attemps.

i’ve asked myself so many times do i want this and its always a yes but msot of the time i feel like im fighting a losing battle.
i do understand your sense of helplessness and want to make things better but simply at a loss as the situation feels like there’s so much baggage to sort out.

as you said, the only thing that interests him is his course and perhaps the best way would just be supportive and maybe learn about it with him so it’ll make him see your effort in wanting to be closer to him.i know its a tough time for you now but since you guys have weathered so much together, dont give up.
maybe its foolish but i always believe in looking for that silver lining and that’s what keeps our hopes afloat during the thunderstorms.

Help me with: any ideas out there to rekindle the relationship spark?

alex_t 0 #
An Unknown Location | 7 months, 3 weeks ago (4 days, 6 hours after post)

Did dyou talk to him, what happened?

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