Love help: Stolen

whaples201

An Unknown Location

Stolen

When you stood next to me
It’s your eyes that pulled me in
A simple smile
Filled me up with glee
Even then it seems

To be a crush
That never healed
Kicked me down
And made me kneel

I should have paused
When walking from that car
Turned and said to you
I love you just the way you are
But you just didnt seem
To even have a clue
Of just how strongly
I really felt for you

Why couldn’t I
Have got it right
Told you just the way
That I felt inside
Want to hold you tight
And take you for a ride

Could it have changed all this
If I’d talked at all
Stolen your kiss
Or was this not my call

I changed this a bit, tell me what you think of it please

This open post was written 7 months ago | V/U/S: 185, 10, 3 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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Since writing this post whaples201 may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. whaples201 is a verified member, has been around for 1 year, 2 months and has 51 posts and 356 replies to their name.

Post Tags (9)

poem, poerty, writing, Love, women, kiss, heart, scar, Heal (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

Replies (10)

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ryanman 4 #
An Unknown Location | 7 months ago (4 minutes after post)

I think it’s strong. First couple of line could maybe due with another look? The rest is very tight, streamlined. Flows well.

Help me with: Are there any members of AA out there?

whaples201 1 #
An Unknown Location | 7 months ago (6 minutes after post)

What do you think would be better, my brain is fried from writing and changing it, i can’t think

Help me with: Reoccurring dilemma

ryanman 4 #
An Unknown Location | 7 months ago (11 minutes after post)

Just my opinion, but “When you stood next to me” doesn’t feel as strong as the rest - especially for an opener.

Maybe just start with:

It’s your eyes
That pulled me in

Kinda pulls you in for a few lines to make you want to know what’s going to happen. This could be just me, I tend to view poems as stories.

Help me with: Are there any members of AA out there?

whaples201 1 #
An Unknown Location | 7 months ago (13 minutes after post)

First off thanks, second what do you thing about this for the 1st part

It was your eyes
That pulled me in
A simple glance
Made it all being
Even then it seems

Help me with: Reoccurring dilemma

ryanman 4 #
An Unknown Location | 7 months ago (17 minutes after post)

Yeah, it’s well-paced and hangs together with the rest. Good rhythm.

Help me with: Are there any members of AA out there?

whaples201 1 #
An Unknown Location | 7 months ago (28 minutes after post)

Well thank you, held a lot.

Help me with: Reoccurring dilemma

whaples201 1 #
An Unknown Location | 7 months ago (31 minutes after post)

helped*

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Hello, Death! 0 #
An Undisclosed Location | 7 months ago (12 hours, 19 minutes after post)

I like it

Help me with: Life is going really…weird right now.

whaples201 1 #
An Unknown Location | 7 months ago (13 hours, 1 minute after post)

So did she:)

Help me with: Reoccurring dilemma

Hello, Death! 0 #
An Undisclosed Location | 7 months ago (13 hours, 5 minutes after post)

that’s good

Help me with: Life is going really…weird right now.

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