marriage help: We’re in our 50s, married 26 years, kids in college. - Help.com

Why do you have a hard time speaking up in all circumstances, does he literally wants you to shut up when you want to talk to him about something? In 26 years, has this been the same thing? Maybe he thinks that everything is alright since you don’t tell him what’s on your mind, he’s got used to making you feel that way because you let him do it?

You are welcome, that’s what we’re here for (depending on the availability and time zone, that is).

I am not a person who can answer this thing for you but a few suggestions might help and by the way, i understand what you are talking about…the yelling thing. It is scary when they do that like it’s a normal thing.

First of all, there is nothing wrong with you. I have the feeling that you try to adjust to people at most times just to maintain peace and order. But deep inside, you are the one who is hurting. Unhappy. 26 years of marriage, who would ever thought that in those years, something is lacking, your inability to express yourself to your husband–the person who promised to take care of you.

I don’t much of their culture as he is Italian, but i sure know how a husband should treat his wife. Maam, it is never too late to tell your husband what you feel. You are not going to change the way he talks, you married this guy many many years ago and he is not going to change, BUT he can adjust to you, if only he is given the chance to do so.

Write him a letter. Does he even know a little of what you have been feeling all these years?

suzse wrote:
You’re right, I do lead him to think everything is fine. No, he never would want me to shut up, it’s just that he is a more forceful person than I am, more out-spoken. Picture an Italian family where everyone speaks their mind & yells at each other and then it all OK; that’s his family culture. In my family, no one says anything upsetting to anyone until it’s a big huge hairy deal and everyone cries. This inability to speak up is an issue at work too. I’m afraid of people yelling, I’ll do anything to avoid conflict. How do I start to change that about me?

Thanks for replying –

Learn from him.

Hello poster, going to bed i’d need some sleep. I hope you feel better. :)

i think it means that you are afraid that he is not happy with life at the moment

During those 26years together, you had other priorities, kids and all, so you had no time really to look for your needs. Now that the kids are in college, the old feeling resurfaced, you want to be who you are. You are afraid he will pursuade you the other way but I tell you what: those dogs who bark don’t bite. Meaning, he might be a loud outspoken man but inside he must be a gentle person. Try to talk to him, he loved you for 26 years, he won’t change now because you want to be who you are. Try it, don’t be afraid.