Child help: I am bsolutely broken-hearted to hear of that poor child being murdered. - Help.com

That’s a lot of pain to carry around.

You said it for yourself…..”Nobody even knows how messed up I am.” You need to talk about what you are feeling. If you don’t, it will never let go of you.

Did you know the person who kidnapped you?

nope. He was a complete stranger. He asked me if I knew where a local kid lived. I knew the kid, actually he was a lot older than me, a teen at the time. He lived directly across the street at the time. I told the guy. He asked me to show him. I told him to go across the street and knock, bc if he had the wrong place that they’d tell him. Everyone knew the teen. He said to get in. I said no, I felt scared, but didn’t know why. I backed up. He got out of his car. He grabbed me.

Wow, you poor person. I can’t even begin to imagine what you went thru and what you are still going thru. You really should see a professional. It will help you face what happened and work thru it. I wish you the best of luck!

Then, I tried to resist his attempts to get me in his car. I didn’t know why, I was just scared. I tried to say no. My brother even saw him take me, but couldn’t help me. He is the person that alerted my mom. He was 9, I was 6.

My other siblings were outside too, but they were in front, we were in back. There were about 14 kids outside of our building. Why he picked me, I will never know. There were younger and older than me. I suppose it was bc I was more alone than the rest. Our neighbourhood was “SAFE” nothing like that ever happened there.

Anyway, the guy was mad that I was putting up a fight, and he shoved me into the top rail of the door jam and knocked my two front teeth out.
Getting my teeth knocked out was THE BEST PART of the whole thing.

(I got 2 dollars for EACH tooth. That was a HUGE deal. My family was VERY VERY poor. I think the cops gave my mom the money for that, but I wouldn’t know for sure. I never asked.)

I told the cops, after they found me, the whole thing, including the teen’s name that the guy asked for. They asked if he asked specifically for the boy by name. I said yes. They asked me to repeat exactly what he said. I did. They were blown away! I remember the look on their faces. I’m sure that they went to talk to the teen as part of the investigation.

My mom was devastated, so I couldn’t talk to her about it AT ALL. I have gone to counselling, LOTS. I have PTSD really bad from it. Things trigger me to remember all the time, well over 2 decades later.

Some things you never forget. Again, I feel so bad that you went thru that. I can’t imagine how scared you were, still are. Nothing like that has ever happened to me and it really gets to me when you here the stories in the news so you are perfectly right in feeling the way you do. It wouldn’t be normal if it didnt bother you.

Thank you Jules. I appreciate that. It affects me quite a bit. It is pretty unusual. Most people haven’t “been there” and “dpne that”. Even one of my counsellors was so shocked that she couldn’t speak. She sat stunned, with her mputh hung open. She was like that for pretty much the whole appointment. I felt worse leaving than I did going it. She didn’t help with ANYTHING! I never saw her again. I thought that other people’s reactions were bad enough, but to have a pro be shocked made me feel soooooo sad/angry/uncomfortable/disgusted/frustrated/weird and many other things. I couldn’t handle that again.

on another thread (Ikari’s thread) I wrote:

“um…it really was awful. Thanks though. (I don’t know what else to say.)

There is one really good thing that came out of it, if you can call it good. I feel WAAYYYY protective of kids, so I always work with them and teach them things. I never let them out of my sight.

It has bad points too. One guy (a friend’s jerky ex h) wanted to take a picture of my daughter and his together at her birthday. I growled and scared him. He wasn’t expecting it from meak and mild me, LOL. Anyway, he didn’t take her picture. If he really wanted pictures of kids, he should spend time with his own more often, LOL. (I know that this guy is afraid of me though, LOL. HE has reason to be. I flipped a 250 lb man over my shoulder in like 10 seconds once!)”

and

Anonymous wrote:
“I would go back to when I was 6/7ish and hop into the red pickup truck with the man who invited me in.

I’m not really sorry to say that your statement is dumb! take it from one who’s been there. I wasn’t invited, but forced. He hit my head hard against a door frame bc I struggled to get away. The force knocked my two front teeth out. That was the BEST part of the whole event!

I wished many times that I wasn’t found sooner. I was 30 seconds, literally, from death. If I had died, I might not think it was dumb, but what if you had the live with all of the details and memories like I do?
~What if you had to go get examined,
~had reporters outside of your home,
~were scared all the time,
~didn’t trust people enough to get close to them,
~are to scared to answer the door
~are too scared to allow people into your home
~were afraid to travel anywhere bc you couldn’t bear the thought of not knowing where you were going or if you’d come back,
~had people constantly ask what happened while you were gone,
~had kids calling you names like sl*t or h**ker every time they saw you,
~had to testify,
~had people in your community that were angry with you bc you put their brother, uncle and cousin in jail
Would you still do it? I freakin doubt it.
It was a lot to deal with at that age. I know many ADULTS that couldn’t have handled it. Sorry, Rant over!

Anyway, why did you write that you’d go? What happened in your life to cause you to say that? It couldn’t have been a freakin picnic if you say that you’d have gone. ”

Hey, just ignore stupid comments like that. Occasionally we get trolls that just like to stir the pot and cause trouble. Don’t let them get to you. Be strong and be there for your kids. You are doing great!

Thanks! I appreciate that you took the time to read that. My kids need a mother that is strong. I am trying to be that mother. I am totally paranoid, but I work at it. I have a job to do, it’s called protecting them, loving them and nurturing them. I do it pretty well. It gets hard by times, but that’s when I type, I escape to get help. This site sure has helped me!

Sorry for the late reply, I just got up and someone invited me. What a story Anon, heartbreaking to live throughout your young life in fear. That stranger stole your childhood away. But you came out of it strong and now that you are a mother, you can teach your children to be streetproof. I was wondering if it helped you or would help you, the more you talk it out of your system, the sronger you become, is if you’d partnered up with a local police station and somebody there, an officer with you would go into schools and teach children or talk to children about safety. Have you ever considered that? Not only you would help your own kids and the kids in the local school but also you would help yourself feel stronger every time you talk about your experience. Just a thought.

I’m so sorry to here what happened to you. You sound strong, brave and have lots of courage. Continue to talk about it to anyone who will listen. It would be idea to find that perfect counselor. One who will listen, understand and help you climb out of that dark place and bring you back into the light where it will never bother you again. Good luck in you life’s journey. I hope you find peace.

I would go one step further Meet Jr. suggests, which is very good. Be your own counselor and you talk to children about it. The more you talk about it the stronger you will feel and by giving advice and encouragement to children will help you regain your confidence.

Here’s a thought. Maybe you could do speeches at schools or community centers to help people become more aware of just how quickly something like that can happen. I think it might be good therapy for you with a new way to work thru things and you would be getting something good out of something so bad.

That’s the idea Jules, exactly what I said.

I didn’t mean to steal your idea,lol I didn’t read it right, thought you said talk to your children. I guess great minds think alike!

It’s better if she hears the same thing from many people. She is a brave woman!

She is doing a lot better than I would be had I gone thru that. Yeah, she is a very brave person! I really admire her for it!

beatricegalant wrote:
Sorry for the late reply, I just got up and someone invited me. What a story Anon, heartbreaking to live throughout your young life in fear. That stranger stole your childhood away. But you came out of it strong and now that you are a mother, you can teach your children to be streetproof. I was wondering if it helped you or would help you, the more you talk it out of your system, the sronger you become, is if you’d partnered up with a local police station and somebody there, an officer with you would go into schools and teach children or talk to children about safety. Have you ever considered that? Not only you would help your own kids and the kids in the local school but also you would help yourself feel stronger every time you talk about your experience. Just a thought.

Thank you foor replying, late or not, it helps! He did steal my childhood. I was never the same afterwards. I am still scared much of the time. I am scared especially when it comes to children in my care.

I have talked through much of it, taken medication and used EMDR. There are certain things that talk will never fix, medication hasn’t worked for those things either, though many things are better. The nightmares are less frequent, but still just as strong. I wake up crying still, but most times it is about my children having been taken, or somebody chasing me.

When I was a young teen, a girl in my same city had been walking on the old railroad tracks and was raped. She was 8 I think. My mom asked if I would talk to her. I screamed and yelled at her. What did she expect for me to say to this kid, that things would be ok? Yeah right! things were FAR from ok. The police didn’t ask me to, and I doubt that they would have even wanted that. I was too messed up to help anybody :/

As an adult, I have thought about going to school to help teach the children about safety. My only worry is that they will ask a question that will trigger my PTSD and give many nightmares again. By me helping them, that fear would be worth it.

I wonder how much of a help I could actually be. I wonder if people, the police included would want my help and my ideas. I wonder if parents would feel that rather than helping their kids, I’d be putting the fear of God in them. (so to speak)

I should talk to the police. They may be to only ones that could answer these questions.

Meet Jr. wrote:
I’m so sorry to here what happened to you. You sound strong, brave and have lots of courage. Continue to talk about it to anyone who will listen. It would be idea to find that perfect counselor. One who will listen, understand and help you climb out of that dark place and bring you back into the light where it will never bother you again. Good luck in you life’s journey. I hope you find peace.

Thanks. It’s hard for me to talk about, writing is much easier. I don’t feel very strong, brave or couragious. I wish that I did. I figure that this avenue (forum) is a good place to start.

I am in a dark place, but I find that each time I write and get compassion, rather than rude remarks I feel a little bit more at peace. I feel a little more understood. I feel like my “depression house” in my mind has just had the blinds pulled up. It’s a little less dreary and dark in here.

I don’t think that there will ever be a time that it will be gone completely, but I hope that I will be better able to deal with everything, and one day move past JUST DEALING, to actually feel better than just ok. I get it, but almost never after supper time.

Peace is slow…..but it is going to be here one day. Thank you again.

beatricegalant wrote:
I would go one step further Meet Jr. suggests, which is very good. Be your own counselor and you talk to children about it. The more you talk about it the stronger you will feel and by giving advice and encouragement to children will help you regain your confidence.

I guess that I’ve sort of done that, without really meaning to. Each time that I am watching a child, I am teaching them things. It helps me to worry about them less. When I watch children, I care for them not only when they are in my care, but all the time. I need to protect them. I teach them things. I can’t even help it. It just comes naturally to me. I haven’t gained any confidence, but I feel great knowing that I have helped them and allowed them to be confident.

At my school we have officers come for a whole month each year to talk to kids about safety, though my school has over 1900 kids so maybe that’s why they need a whole month to talk. They go to each class for an hour and they don’t mind to talk about the same thing over and over and over again. Kids at such young age as from kindergarten to grade 5 they need to be with their own class in order to feel that their questions and concerns are heard. The officers teach them what to do and what not to do when a sweet looking stranger comes up asking questions and they teach the kids self defence in case the stranger grabs them to his/her car what to do. It is worth it. They invite from kids to adults to come and talk about their experiences. They have their names. They come only if they are ready to talk about it but it has such an impact on the kids! It is worth it Anon. The kids as you felt it naturally, need your advice and help.

Jules22871 wrote:
Here’s a thought. Maybe you could do speeches at schools or community centers to help people become more aware of just how quickly something like that can happen. I think it might be good therapy for you with a new way to work thru things and you would be getting something good out of something so bad.

hmmm, quickly, yes. It can and does and DID happen very very quickly. It took about 25 seconds for him to grab me in my yard. If it hadn’t been for my brother, I would have been dead. I was sooooo close to my front door, like four car lengths away. That is not far. I wasn’t a block away. I was staight out from my friend’s back door too. It was so easy for him. I didn’t know at the time, but later I found out that he took my neighbour before he had me. I don’t remember if it was the week before, or the day before. She is way more messed up than I am. She was a year older than I was when it happened to her.

so, you think that talking to kids can actually help me? not just have me help them? hmmmm I never would have figured that could happen! I figured that if I helped them, it just made me feel like I did my part, not that it was helping me. That’s an interesting theory.

All those people who are advocates let’s say against drunk drivers, most of them are victims or parents of the victim. Many people actually find it theraputic and help their feelings to get under control when they share often what happened to them and feel they could help. That’s the idea Anon: by helping others you help yourself.

beatricegalant wrote:
At my school we have officers come for a whole month each year to talk to kids about safety, though my school has over 1900 kids so maybe that’s why they need a whole month to talk. They go to each class for an hour and they don’t mind to talk about the same thing over and over and over again. Kids at such young age as from kindergarten to grade 5 they need to be with their own class in order to feel that their questions and concerns are heard. The officers teach them what to do and what not to do when a sweet looking stranger comes up asking questions and they teach the kids self defence in case the stranger grabs them to his/her car what to do. It is worth it. They invite from kids to adults to come and talk about their experiences. They have their names. They come only if they are ready to talk about it but it has such an impact on the kids! It is worth it Anon. The kids as you felt it naturally, need your advice and help.

That is a LOT of kids! At schools around here, I imagine that they’d just have an assembly in the gym to talk about it. Grade by grade if neccessary, but usually the entire school has one assembly to get it all done.

I think that I would be good at it. I know a LOT now because of my experience that perhaps even cops wouldn’t know or think about. They won’t teach the kids self defense here. They would be afraid of somebody getting hurt, or kids using the new skills on the playground.

So people from your community go and tell their experience? I can only think of one occasion where that has happened here. It was a war related assembly, so an older gentleman went in to speak.

Maybe I should call the police to ask what they think, or perhaps even the school, or the community resource centre. Maybe more people would be interested in hearing it. I don’t know that I’m ready, but speaking to the police will give me an idea of whether I am ready or not. If the conversation with an officer is too much for me to handle, than perhaps I would need to wait. Children are usually much more innocent with their questions, so perhaps even a conversation with a cop wouldn’t give an accurate idea of what I’ll be facing. I’m sure they want to prepare me and give me tips in case kids came up to talk to me about things afterwards.

Go for it Anon. Try it. You have nothing to lose by trying it.