boyfriend help: clingy, needy and annoying..

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clingy, needy and annoying..

how do I stop??

About two months into a relationship I realised the guy wasn’t for me. Unfortunately, for the duration of our relationship we were waaay too close, meeting each other’s families, spending every waking minute together, getting involved in each other’s lives to the exclusion of all else… which I put down to my emotional state for the five years beforehand (very emotional, very fragile)

Anyway, when we were still going out, about two weeks after I realised we weren’t meant to be, I met another guy. This guy, looking at it logically, was perfect for me. Confident, outgoing, same interests, etc. and we hit it off almost immediately. The chemistry was amazing. Therefore, after another two weeks, I broke up with the first guy to go out with the second.

This second guy has been a player the last six years, and is only now attempting to reform and therefore we have decided not to have sex for three months. I agreed to this, knowing that I need to be able to step back from a relationship and be able to ‘take it slow’ so that I don’t make the same mistake I did the first time.. I don’t know about you guys, but I find this a mature approach on both our parts.

Unfortunately, I didn’t realise how DIFFICULT it would be. I’m having so much trouble just getting on with life - it’s only been a couple of weeks since I started going out with the second guy and I’m having trouble not contacting him.. I’m out of hobbies, I’m not interested in anything I was before I started going out with guy #1… so I’m very aware I’m just sitting around waiting for guy #2 to contact me… time passes really slowly and I can’t concentrate or do anything. I put this down to clingy-ness and effect of my relationship with guy #1 and I’ve been doing everything I can to avoid the same situation, but it’s slowly driving me crazy. Everything I try to distract myself with isn’t enough… and.. I really, really want this second relationship to work out. So badly.

So.. help? What can I do to help myself? I can’t.. ergh. I’m a mess right now.

Thanks in advance

This open post was written 7 months, 3 weeks ago | V/U/S: 838, 5, 3 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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Anonymous edited this post 7 months, 3 weeks ago. Read the previous text »

About two months into a relationship I realised the guy wasn’t for me. Unfortunately, for the duration of our relationship we were waaay too close, meeting each other’s families, spending every waking minute together, getting involved in each other’s lives to the exclusion of all else… which I put down to my emotional state for the five years beforehand (very emotional, very fragile)

Anyway, when we were still going out, about two weeks after I realised we weren’t meant to be, I met another guy. This guy, looking at it logically, was perfect for me. Confident, outgoing, same interests, etc. and we hit it off almost immediately. The chemistry was amazing. Therefore, after another two weeks, I broke up with the first guy to go out with the second.

This second guy has been a player the last six years, and is only now attempting to reform and therefore we have decided not to have sex for three months. I agreed to this, knowing that I need to be able to step back from a relationship and be able to ‘take it slow’ so that I don’t make the same mistake I did the first time.. I don’t know about you guys, but I find this a mature approach on both our parts.

Unfortunately, I didn’t realise how DIFFICULT it would be. I’m having so much trouble just getting on with life - it’s only been a couple of weeks since I started going out with the second guy and I’m having trouble not contacting him.. I’m out of hobbies, I’m not interested in anything I was before I started going out with guy #1… so I’m very aware I’m just sitting around waiting for guy #2 to contact me… time passes really slowly and I can’t concentrate or do anything. I put this down to clingy-ness and effect of my relationship with guy #1 and I’ve been doing everything I can to avoid the same situation, but it’s slowly driving me crazy. Everything I try to distract myself with isn’t enough… and.. I really, really want this second relationship to work out. So badly.

So.. help? What can I do to help myself? I can’t.. ergh. I’m a mess right now.

Thanks in advance

Anonymous #
7 months, 3 weeks ago (27 minutes after post)

You need to build up your self esteem and confidence about yourself really quickly… because if you continue down this path you will be clingy, annoying and needy when you get into a proper relationship with guy number two…. In my opinion you are not with the right guy… a player doesn’t reform in three months… having to wait for sex for three months is not going to stop him reverting to old patterns as soon as you start a physical relationship and the weak person you are at the moment will be very appealing to him… for a short period of time… then he will need a new challenge and move on..leaving you behind fighting the same demons.

Get yourself doing new stuff… new challenges… build up your confidence… make yourself a stronger person.

jaca 0 #
Tallaght, 07, IE | 7 months, 3 weeks ago (57 minutes after post)

i think it’s natural to feel the way to are but that doesn’t mean it’s healthy :) anonymous is right about the stronger person bit and every relationship we go through helps us get there if we choose to see the signs. It’s good that you reckonise the problem so it’s time to start putting yourself first and anybody your with second. That doesn’t mean that you stop caring but you’ll find if you love yourself more you’ll be doing the things you love and if he calls great if not however you haven’t lost everything, you still have what you give yourself :) hope this helps good luck

Help me with: hi all, having dinner problems :) i have a butternut squash in the press but i know nothing about them.

alex_t 0 #
An Unknown Location | 7 months, 3 weeks ago (1 hour, 26 minutes after post)

What was wrong with guy #1?

Anonymous #
7 months, 3 weeks ago (13 hours, 18 minutes after post)

Thank you so much!! I think you’re right about me at the moment, and it’s something I’ve been working on and something I’m going to continue to work on - starting with today! (getting a new haircut :)) and… I think I’ll give him a chance because if I succeed in becoming.. stronger then I’ll be able to look at the situation from a different point of view and judge it then. Thankyouu 3 I’m not used to putting myself first, but I’ll try :)

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