Love help: My wedding is falling apart.

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My wedding is falling apart.

As a result of my neurotic and controlling father-in-law, we’ve had to change our plans at least a dozen times in the last year. NOT to make him happy, but because he literally went out of his way to SABOTAGE plans we had made.

For those of you thinking I should just “talk” to the man, please allow me to point out that my fiancee, myself, and his family have all tried this on various occasions. There are just some “old school” men you can’t talk to, no matter how polite, well-mannered, and open-hearted you are.

So now my wedding and the reception are a couple of months apart. The day of the ceremony, no one can afford to celebrate with us at a restaurant or anything of the sort, and I have about a month to make all the final preparations. My fiancee’s family is FILTHY RICH and refuses to give us two cents to rub together to help pay for this thing, and so we’re both paying for this ourselves. My fiancee was laid off for a couple of months, and my salary just got slashed with the threat of lay-offs as well.

My family is poorer than poor (yet they’ve helped out as much as they could, which is MIND BOGGLING when you compare their generosity to the total lack of support his family has given us), but weddings are expensive and I come from a culture where you’re expected to invite EVERYONE. I’ve cut costs everywhere I possibly could. This is a bare-bones wedding in the truest sense of the word!

To make matters worse, his family has been looking down on us for the choices we’ve made. The reception hall isn’t nice enough, the food won’t be good enough, my dress is too plain (they haven’t said that yet, but I imagine they will when they see it).

Does anyone have an idea as to what we can do to have a mini-celebration after our reception? My family members have almost all been laid off or had pay cuts from the recession and can’t afford a restaurant. And my fiancee and I are on a tight budget. The only person with a house big enough for our guests to come to say, a BBQ, is my father-in-law. I’m out of options. Any suggestions would help, but please keep in mind:
A) I can’t change the wedding ceremony date anymore because I will literally have a nervous breakdown.
B) I will NOT abandon my culture or religion as a result of the old man’s interference.
and C) We are broke.

Let me know! And thanks!

This open post was written 7 months, 4 weeks ago | V/U/S: 188, 6, 3 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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linuxya 15 #
An Undisclosed Location | 7 months, 4 weeks ago (10 minutes after post)

I don’t see how it matters that your fiance’s family is rich. So what? They don’t owe you anything. I don’t see why you’re choosing to stress yourself out about this.

A wedding is a public declaration of commitment to another person. It’s not about spending money and fancy crap. It’s also NOT ABOUT YOU. It’s about the commitment you’re making– that you choose to share it with friends and family.

So the fact that people are out of work etc. etc… do something simple that YOU can afford. If that means a small family event in your back yard or in a park, why not? It’s far more important to enjoy the public commitment than to make a big fancy spectacle of yourself.

I had a small wedding in a church with a lunch reception. It was low-key, small, inexpensive, and we got a lot of compliments afterward. I didn’t invite many people and it was a lot of fun.

Help me with: The problem with self serving advice

thompson.danyell 0 #
An Unknown Location | 7 months, 4 weeks ago (11 minutes after post)

Hi sounds like fun!!! I would do finger foods and you wedding cake. that type of stuff is cheaper then a resturant. keep in mind this is your and your hubbys day not your father in law to be. All else fails just remeber that this is for you and him no one else. i hope this helps and Congrates.

Help me with: when you know it is time to go but you can’t leave.

Victoria Sponge 5 #
Fritwell, K2, GB | 7 months, 4 weeks ago (25 minutes after post)

Use the wedding cake as dessert thats a great money saver, how many people actually like fruit cake anyway??
Honey this is meant to be a happy occsion a celebration of your love, all your stress is spoi,ing that, so the old man is old fashioned just ignore his attempts to ruin things that will soon get him bored enough to move onto the next set of problems to worry about

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hedontknowaboutthis #
An Unknown Location | 7 months, 4 weeks ago (29 minutes after post)

Perhaps you missed a few points here when you totally assumed I was being bridezilla, because you SO got my number wrong.

First of all, as I mentioned earlier, I am not in a position to only invite certain family members and not others. A typical wedding in my culture exceeds 300 people. We’ve shaved the guest list for the ceremony to about 60 people, and the reception later in the summer to about 130 people. Believe me, it ruffled quite a few feathers that we did that, but hey, what else can we do? Secondly, his family DID promise to help pay for the wedding, only to revoke the promise 4 months before the date. They told us to use our savings on things we needed to book earlier, such as the hall, caterers, and so on, and then they changed their minds at the last minute when funds were down to a trickle. So don’t start giving me this attitude like I’m some little bridezilla with a huge sense of entitlement. I didn’t want their money to begin with, because I knew they’d pull a stunt like this. My fiancee was the one who thought he could trust his father on this issue. I could care LESS where we get married, but right now, as it stands, I’ve got about 60 people to feed and a budget of about $500.00.

So as for the one useful suggestion I got out of this, let’s see. A park? That’s not feasible for the time of year we’re getting married and the area we live in. What I need is a venue, a way for people to eat without paying from their own pockets (we initially had it all planned for a small dinner in a restaurant, a pretty inexpensive place too, I might add), and maybe a kind word or two because although you say I’m CHOOSING to stress over this, the fact is, I don’t know a person on earth who wouldn’t be stressed by this. You make it sound as though anyone can be dispassionate and unaffected by such a major life event!!

Seriously. Don’t judge people. You don’t know me or my values. You can’t just assume I’m some little naieve brat looking for a handout so I can be a princess for a day.

Perhaps you missed a few points here when you totally assumed I was being bridezilla, because you SO got my number wrong.

First of all, as I mentioned earlier, I am not in a position to only invite certain family members and not others. A typical wedding in my culture exceeds 300 people. We've shaved the guest list for the ceremony to about 60 people, and the reception later in the summer to about 130 people. Believe me, it ruffled quite a few feathers that we did that, but hey, what else can we do? Secondly, his family DID promise to help pay for the wedding, only to revoke the promise 4 months before the date. They told us to use our savings on things we needed to book earlier, such as the hall, caterers, and so on, and then they changed their minds at the last minute when funds were down to a trickle. So don't start giving me this attitude like I'm some little bridezilla with a huge sense of entitlement. I didn't want their money to begin with, because I knew they'd pull a stunt like this. My fiancee was the one who thought he could trust his father on this issue. I could care LESS where we get married, but right now, as it stands, I've got about 60 people to feed and a budget of about $500.00.

So as for the one useful suggestion I got out of this, let's see. A park? That's not feasible for the time of year we're getting married and the area we live in. What I need is a venue, a way for people to eat without paying from their own pockets (we initially had it all planned for a small dinner in a restaurant, a pretty inexpensive place too, I might add), and maybe a kind word or two because although you say I'm CHOOSING to stress over this, the fact is, I don't know a person on earth who wouldn't be stressed by this. You make it sound as though anyone can be dispassionate and unaffected by such a major life event!!

Seriously. Don't judge people. You don't know me or my values. You can't just assume I'm some little naieve brat looking for a handout so I can be a princess for a day.

This account has been deactivated.

hedontknowaboutthis #
An Unknown Location | 7 months, 4 weeks ago (31 minutes after post)

To thompson.daynell and Victoria Sponge, thanks so much for your support, the above rant of mind is not intended for either of you.

I really appreciate your kind words and suggestions!!

This account has been deactivated.

thompson.danyell 0 #
An Unknown Location | 7 months, 4 weeks ago (2 hours, 51 minutes after post)

You go girl!!!! Did you think of a place like ryans buffet. or maybe call the caterer and see if they can do the finger foods for that price.. when I called about my wedding i had to feed 75 with 400 they were able to do a simple but good menu for that
but i had to pick it up and set it up at the reception site. their are good buffet resturants that will do it at a group price. what city do you live in if you do not mind me asking? I may have some solutions in that area. good luck and you are going to be fine. I have been there and we did fine.

Help me with: when you know it is time to go but you can’t leave.

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