Family help: Do I invite him to my wedding? - Help.com

Tell your sister about the situation with your mom and let her decide what to do.

Sometimes a wedding is “mend fences” kind of occasion. However, some people don’t seem to realize that it is not their day and that they should actually keep their opinions and mouth shut for the sake of the lovebirds getting married. It is however a time for you to put your foot down and not necessarily in a bad way but a way for you to assuage passions on the parties involved.
Your sister’s boyfriend should be invited for the mere fact that he is your sister’s boyfriend and your mom should see that. Even if he was Charles Manson, as long as your sister is happy with him, your mom should see that and maybe give in. I think your mom just makes it a point to look for the bad in people. And until she starts looking for good things in this guy (your sister’s boyfriend), she is going to continue to find bad things about him and she will not disappointed. Big mistake.
If your sister is even thinking about making a life with this guy, your mom is just setting herself up for her daughter not to want her in her life period. Being stubborn and proud is not good for anybody. Your sister and your mom and you should have a long heart to heart sit down and should try to come to terms with the fact that your sister will have this boyfriend no matter what.
As it is, I think your sister would probably see the bad things in this guy if your mom was not so adamant that she hates him. Your sister just might be dating this guy to throw him in her face as a “I’ll show you” gesture and your mom is failing to see that. Instead, your mom should just cool her jets and let the relationship ride. Who knows, it might turn out that your sister might end up agreeing with your mom on her opinion of this guy.
But I digress, as to your wedding. Have that heart to heart with her and your mom. Hatred and resentment is only going to build more hatred and resentment. Remind your mom and she will only reap what she sows and that she does not want to burn her bridges with your sister and your sister the same. You’re family for God’s sake and family should be everything. If you cannot count on your family, who are you going to count on?

Invite him. If you exclude him then you are in effect excluding your sister. I believe a wedding should be a family occasion, and perhaps your mom should ‘deal with it’; she should respect your sisters choice of partner, and she should behave like an adult!

psh tell them to grow up and set aside there differences this is your day not your mothers or your sisters. Everyone should act civil whether this boyfriend shows up or not

Okay, so trying to avoid saying “make them both deal with it”, I’d say you need to do what you feel is best. This seems like a really sticky situation, and if it was me, I’d invite my sisters boyfriend for two reasons. 1) My mother will always love me, and will find a way to deal with my decisions that she doesn’t agree with and 2)My sister (if I had one) probably wouldn’t forgive me for not inviting someone she really cares for. But that’s ME. Maybe you could try talking to your sisters bf, and ask him to come, but to try and stay away from your mother- for everyones sake. Best of luck with whatever you decide!

Thank you so much Littlenick, 045001 and pickle Chip! That’s what my gut was telling me, but with all of the influences, it’s really difficult to sort out feelings. I really appreciate your opinions :) Littlenick, when I read your reply I felt like I should be looking for a hidden camera, very accurate. Thanks so much.

Thank you Ashurasaurus and Erika too!

Anytime! =D I just hope it all works out for you!!!

Have a designated person deal with any crazy things that may come up.

sit down and talk to your mom and sis at the same time. i think it would be very mean not to invite her bf just because your mom doesn’t like him.

He’s a tattoo artist… I already don’t like him and I don’t even know him. Is your mom paying for this wedding?

See? It’s people like you, Dr. Ralph, that I’m worried about. Guests will see him and say, “A tattooed guy, I already don’t like him and I don’t even know him.” Yeesh! I’m pretty much as square as they get, but I don’t judge others for not being like me. Is it really fair to shun a loved one’s love one because people don’t particularly like them? I think not.

To answer your question, my parents are giving my fiance and I a “starting package” but our wedding is costing only 7k and I have the funds to pay twice that, so… I guess it depends how you look at it.

Tattoos have nothing to do with what kind of person he is.

I have a tatoo on right above my behind on my lower back that says in big letters “EXIT ONLY” and in little letter right below it says “enter at your own risk. Serious damage may occur to your health if you enter without permission.”

littlenick wrote:
I have a tatoo on right above my behind on my lower back that says in big letters “EXIT ONLY” and in little letter right below it says “enter at your own risk. Serious damage may occur to your health if you enter without permission.”

Squeaky Clean, just think of me as your parents because I’m just as old… and don’t think a whole lot of other older more conservative less hip people won’t think the same thing I do. Just trying to help by being myself. There are many different kinds of people out there and that is why Help.com is great. You get a cross section of views from around the world. I’m not telling you what to do but I was just saying if your mother was paying for everything and being supportive and your sister was bad mouthing the ceremony and the whole idea of marriage and trying to ruin the event that should be a consideration as to how you should react.

being “old” isn’t an excuse to be prejudiced.

I appreciate your insite, Dr. Ralph, and want to hear from an uninvolved mother figure. What would you recommend? How should I approach my mom about this? Thank you!

Hey Did you figure out what to do?