Anonymous edited this post 7 months, 1 week ago. Read the previous text »
My car accident, and how mt mother reacted. My mom always expected me to be perfect. (I had two siblings that both had had accidents with that same car. Neither paid a penny to get it repaired. When I had my accident, I was made to pay for repairs. )
I had an accident at 20 with my mom’s car. She didn’t care. A passerby told me that I could use his cell to call my mom. I told him that I didn’t want to bc she’d be really mad at me. He tried to reassure me that she’d be glad that I was ok.
I called. I told her over the phone that I was ok, and she said “I’m not worried about you! I’m worried about my car!” I hung up and started crying and that mad felt so bad! he asked what was wrong. I told him. he almost cried. I was very angry at her reaction.
A few minutes later, the cops and an ambulance showed up, then my mother did with my two little siblings. She told me that I was lucky that the cops showed up before she did. (no other car involved, never smoked, drank, took drugs or even drank coffee. I was a GOOD kid!)
So now, she was mad, and she told me that I had to pay her back for the car repairs. I had just finished upgrading my high schooling two months prior to that, so I pretty much knew where this was leading. Since I had no money, I was to be her live in babysitter. Wasn’t I already?
I was not able to keep going to my job as a Nanny, bc of not having a vehicle. I tried to until April, then quit. My mother said it was all my fault, which, it kinda was, but the weather was the biggest factor in the accident. I really wasn’t in that bad of shape for the severity of the car. The paramedics and the cop said that I was lucky to be alive.
By June, I didn’t think that I could take it anymore, but I did. I thought that this was bad enough, but then she pulled another trick. At the end of the school year, my mother decided that I was then to babysit for her friend too. (Her friend had been complaining to her that she was forced to pay the bills at her house by herself bc he husband used the excuse that he didn’t want to pay for a sitter bc it would cost almost as much as he would make. My mom didn’t tell me of the conversation with her friend.)
When three weeks passed, I asked for my pay. I wanted to give most to my mom to get her off of my back. Well, the guy told me that he wasn’t going to pay me, and that I offered my services for free. NO FREAKIN WAY! I was mad. I told him that nobody would do that. He said that it didn’t matter, bc he didn’t go anywhere. I told him the difference, and showed him my calendar and I marked each day according to where he said he had to go.
I never clued in that there was a reason why he was always magically home 10 to 15 minutes before his wife. I told her that he was lying to her, but that I understood if she wanted to beleive him, bc after all, she was married to him and had kids with him. She needed to live with him and not me. I never got payed, but refused to ever babysit again. (He lost a housekeeper, a friend, a sitter for his kids, and a cook, with one lie.)
What do you think of that?
ur mother did show up, didnt she…… in my post were talking about something completely different..no one from my family showed any reaction of fear…..hate n only hate..i feel forsaken, afraid…..i dont know what to feel actually!!
Anonymous
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7 months, 1 week ago (50 minutes after post)
She came to view her car! She was FUMING.
The cop asked if I’d be ok if I went home with her. He asked when she was out of ear shot, with my 4 yr old bro and my 9 yr old sis. I said no. He told me that I should get to the hospital to get checked out. She said NOT to go in the ambulance. She looked like she was going to hit me. (The cop looked mad and stayed until I was in the car that she came in, They got driven home, and I went to the hospital. the cop followed us to the hospital. I think that he sensed her violent tendency too.)
She didn’t even want me to get checked. I had flipped the car onto its roof. I was in pain. My pb had gone incredibly low, 63/52. The nurse was pretty scared. She thought that I had internal bleeding! She sent me for bloodwork, xray, ultrasound, and urine tests, and many other things. My mother still didn’t care.
Your mother and mine should both be ashamed. At least we have to opportunity to make sure that those feelings are never experienced by our own children. We have the chance to make sure that they grow up feeling the love that we had missed out on. I plan on using this chance to do what I can for my kids. I don’t want them to ever feel unloved.
well your mom is many words I cant say here then. I hope you get away from her soon. I particularly dont care for my mother as well(angry/rude. doesnt hit though) and plan on moving far away. is it possible for you to move out?
Anonymous wrote:
At least we have to opportunity to make sure that those feelings are never experienced by our own children. We have the chance to make sure that they grow up feeling the love that we had missed out on. I plan on using this chance to do what I can for my kids. I don’t want them to ever feel unloved.
yup, thats what im thinkin too, if i had children,, i dont know how to hate’em even if
i wanted to.. n btw i didnt even get much luck from my father, he left us since i was 11 yrs,.
ppl, if u dont wanna havbe kids, just simply dont !!
Anonymous
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7 months, 1 week ago (13 hours, 56 minutes after post)
Hi Doc and kal_rik
My mom is like yours, only she treats everybody outside of her family well, and us like dirt most of the time. Instead of saying sorry, she’d rather hand you 20$. If she is angry, she’d just not speak to you again. She has so many people that she has cut from her life. I hate to admit it, but when somebody hurts me, I cry alone. I don’t tell them that I was hurt, bc all I want to do is cry. I just cut them out of my life. It’s easier than crying in front of them.
My mother had a litter of kids. Many don’t make good choices, partly I suppose bc they don’t care about other people, and partly bc they don’t realise that they have choices. They just react.
People outside of her family don’t know that she doesn’t speak to any of her siblings or any other relatives. Two of her children won’t speak to her. 4 only call if they want something. She only calls us when she wants us to do something for her. Her many step-children won’t talk to her. My step-dad’s family don’t talk to her. She tends to yell at people, but usually bc they DID do something. Usually blows the “something” WAY out of proportion.
She hit me a lot as a young child, then stopped for a long time. You’d still get intimidated though. She had many issues to work through. Not an excuse, but reality none the less.
I am an adult now. Another post just brought up a lot of old stuff. I did move out, about 4 month later. I didn’t tell her where I was moving and wouldn’t speak to her for 2 yrs. (That was the second time that I had cut her out of my life. The first time was for a year, at 17. I’ve done it twice since.)
I have children. I am determined NOT to be like her. If I wonder if something is good, it’s terrible to say, but I think “what would mother do?” then I usually do the complete opposite. I feel so mean!
I agree, if people don’t want kids,, than they shouldn’t have them. There ARE preventative measures, If you have them and don’t wan them, give them up. Treating them badly is bad for them, and will be bad for the parent in the long run. After all, who do they expect wilol be taking care of them in old age?
im truely sorry, ur mom realy seems mean!!
my mom treats my siblings extra good, its just me who got the bad treatment since ever..
ill surely be cutting every last one of my family out of my life once n for all,,,,,
its just that, its hard..it realy could be,even if ur family’s bad, i just find it hard to cut em off,,but sometimes u just gotta do what u gotta do…..
i beat ur one great mother….. :)
if i ever get to be a parent, ill make sure not to be like my father, n ill definetley make sure my wife aint nothing like my mom..
Anonymous
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7 months, 1 week ago (20 hours, 45 minutes after post)
Yours sounds mean too! She HUNG UP! She didn’t even ask if you were ok. Aren’t people weird? I mean, if somebody was talking BAD stories, I know that I could beat them. If they were to say GREAT stories, I know I could beat those too. (none about my family though, LOL)
I guess I shouldn’t have said how mean my mom was. It makes it sound like I don’t care how bad other people have it. I know people that have had it worse, which is hard to believe, but true. My friend’s mom use to burn him on purpose with a hot iron (for pressing her clothes) and later, would throw it across the room at him. he’s WAY messed up! I feel REALLY bad for him.
I never had it like that! As a SMALL kid, like 3, 4 and 5, I remember getting “the belt”. She had a leather belt that was about 40 inches long, and around a half inch thick, and 2 inches wide. She use to use that thing on us. We older three would get that pretty regularly. She did stop that too. I never resumed that. She was nice all of the time when I was young. The I had MAJOR trauma involving cops and the hospital, and she changed drastically. She stop hitting and started yelling and screaming and being mean ALL of the time. She was worst to me and hardest on me.
I remember that i use to have dreams that she was stolen and replaced with a look alike alien woman, who had hitmen after her, and after me when I figured out what they had done to her. I was a recurring nightmare.
Cutting ties hurts REALLY bad sometimes, but so does staying involved…..at least it can be hard unless and until there is forgiveness and trying hard by all involved to behave responsibly and rationally. Do you think that you have behaved in a way thatmakes life hard for the people around you? I don’t thin that I have…..mostly. Anything that I did do was mostly as a result of that trauma, being scared and being angry. I try to change the hurt, but it never goes away….It just slowly gets a fraction less painful. ii’d say at this point that I am about 70 % better than when “it” occured. I wish that my mom would get better. I hope this helps you some. I think that writing has helped me. Thank you for listening. :)
Anonymous wrote:
Yours sounds mean too! She HUNG UP! She didn’t even ask if you were ok. Aren’t people weird? I mean, if somebody was talking BAD stories, I know that I could beat them. If they were to say GREAT stories, I know I could beat those too. (none about my family though, LOL)
I guess I shouldn’t have said how mean my mom was. It makes it sound like I don’t care how bad other people have it. I know people that have had it worse, which is hard to believe, but true. My friend’s mom use to burn him on purpose with a hot iron (for pressing her clothes) and later, would throw it across the room at him. he’s WAY messed up! I feel REALLY bad for him.
I never had it like that! As a SMALL kid, like 3, 4 and 5, I remember getting “the belt”. She had a leather belt that was about 40 inches long, and around a half inch thick, and 2 inches wide. She use to use that thing on us. We older three would get that pretty regularly. She did stop that too. I never resumed that. She was nice all of the time when I was young. The I had MAJOR trauma involving cops and the hospital, and she changed drastically. She stop hitting and started yelling and screaming and being mean ALL of the time. She was worst to me and hardest on me.
I remember that i use to have dreams that she was stolen and replaced with a look alike alien woman, who had hitmen after her, and after me when I figured out what they had done to her. I was a recurring nightmare.
Cutting ties hurts REALLY bad sometimes, but so does staying involved…..at least it can be hard unless and until there is forgiveness and trying hard by all involved to behave responsibly and rationally. Do you think that you have behaved in a way thatmakes life hard for the people around you? I don’t thin that I have…..mostly. Anything that I did do was mostly as a result of that trauma, being scared and being angry. I try to change the hurt, but it never goes away….It just slowly gets a fraction less painful. ii’d say at this point that I am about 70 % better than when “it” occured. I wish that my mom would get better. I hope this helps you some. I think that writing has helped me. Thank you for listening. :)
when i was about 10 yrs, my mom would let my bro hold me still, as she would pile the kitchens garbage can over my head, as a punishment for yelling, or anything stupid…..nice, ha?! one time when i was 11 maybe, she didnt want me to play all around the house, so she told my bro to find a rope, n they tied me up…n shut my mouth…….
i just remembered these incidents,, any way, no i dont behave in anyway thats not good, actually the one n only thing i do which is bad, i smoke!! thats it..
i never did drugs, never had one drink,,,,never ever had problems that envolved police or somtn.. but as my sis n bro keep burying thoughts in my moms head, add to that, shes never realy been good to me,,,that makes her just plainly hate me..
cutting off my family may be a necessity now, but ill cut off a part of my soul too….
nd ur welcome, actually thanx for sharing….
keep in touch.. :)
oh, n i surely know that my moms not the worst, neither urs ,im sure….
ironically some ppl pray for our moms…..
but u know, the absolute surprise for me was yesterday, i mean i thought that deep inside my moms heart, somewhere (very very deep) inside, she loves me cuz im her son..
but BAM ! that hit me right on the head…..
Anonymous
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7 months, 1 week ago (21 hours, 59 minutes after post)
Thanks, I will.
I wish you much love and luck.
p.s. the thing with police and hospital was not done BY me, but TO me, and not by family. I thought that I should clear that up, LOL.
Anonymous
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7 months, 1 week ago (23 hours, 41 minutes after post)
kal_rik wrote:
but u know, the absolute surprise for me was yesterday, i mean i thought that deep inside my moms heart, somewhere (very very deep) inside, she loves me cuz im her son..
but BAM ! that hit me right on the head…..
That was exactly how I felt! I don’t feel loved now any more than what I did in that moment. When she calls, it’s always bc she needs me to pick up my baby brother
to either
A) keep him away from his bad friends, or
B) to drive him to the city (30 minute drive there, then get to where he needs to go, then wait to drive him somewhere else, then a 30 min, drive home, with my new baby annd sometimes my other child)
She has no consideration for me. I, in her opinion, should have no problem bending to her whims, with no notice. That is probably one of my biggest problems with her. I don’t want to drag my infant out for two hours, with my grade 2 kid. It is always worse bc she expects it at supper time when there is homework to be done. If I didn’t, he’d have nowhere to eat or go. He’d be stuck in my town for 6 hrs waiting for her to finish work. (they live on the other side of the city, she works in the city, he goes to school in my town. They lived in my town until Christmas, and he wants to stay here until the end of NEXT year. It’s ret*rded and chaotic, which is how she does everything! It drives me INSANE–ER, LOL
Friday I could have darted them both! I sure let them know. She didn’t apologize, she handed me 60$ instead. What in the world!?! How does that help with 6 hrs of complete and utter f*ckery?! I was fit to be tied!
LoL, more power to ya…..
thats exactly one more thing i hate, its either her way or the high way.. even tho
its chaotic,,it just seems perfect to them… …
u cant possibly let ur brother wait for 6 hrs..but this aint no way to live too!!
u now have ur own children, ur own life to take care of!!!!
ur brother should be going to school in his town of residence….it doesnt make sence..anywayz, u say hell stay in this school till the end of next year,,,,,well, just a thought, since ur gonna be dealing with this 4 a long time..how about when ur bro finishs with school,he comes over to ur place,,hell eat, hell be off the street, till ur mom comes n picks him up, when shes all done with work.. that could be much easier, not to mention that she just might feel then how stressful this situation is..
and btw, ur mom offers u money in return for ur time, then maybe she see’s that ur
not obligated to do these kinda stuff,(u dont have any respect for her,n u dont even like her).. so what i would do is, ill be surprised, tell her i didnt do this for money, n i dont need it,, i did this cuz ur my mother, n i care about u……i think (i might be wrong tho) she knows shes treated u wrong all along, so now she doesnt expect u to care about her, or love her at all….but as long as ur living this way (ur mother still exists on ur radar), try to change the kind of relation u have..try showing her that u care about her, that could realy dramaticly change her..
i believe ones parents should be treated good what ever happens, if u cant get away, try n fix it..
oh, at least im releaved to know that when i disappear, my siblings will take good care of my mom,, n she’ll do too…..lol, i hope this reply makes any sence, cuz im so sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepy :o
Kal☺
Dr. Wilson