Love help: I am an idiot. - Help.com

beatricegalant wrote:
No, you are not an idiot and I am sure your girlfriend loves you just as much. You sound like a really nice person!

im really not nice.. and i have no idea if she loves me as much… we argue all the time over who loves the other more : )

-deadinthehead- wrote:
Its ok to love someone but dont be co-dependent.

co-dependent?? sorry, part of the idiot thing..

NikAngelo wrote:
You sound naive. Don’t get me wrong, but that’s how I was. I fell hard.

If she is happy, you are doing your part. Just remember, that when all else falls around you, you will still remain. Be the pillar you need to hold on to. No one else should be that.

Go do something nice for her. Sit under a tree together. You are doing enough, trust me.

i hate falling.. i have fallen before, and im sure i can get over it.. just, i really love her.. and i do nice stuff for her, and we spend a bunch of time together… i would sit under a tree, but it’s been raining a lot : )

-deadinthehead- wrote:
I agree with nikangelo. I fell hard as well. I was in your (bluflames) shoes once…was totally in love and crazy over this guy…thought i was gonna marry him, ready to ditch everything for him…but when it all comes down, the hit was really hard…so hard that i almost didnt make it thru. Till now, im still having the after-effects.

wow… that sounds pretty bad, but thanks for sharing that with me… but i cant really stop loving her like that now, and i dont know if i want to.. : /.. even if it means being hurt.. sorry, now this post seems stupid, me being an idiot..

alemao_8 wrote:
Hi there. Don’t get me wrong, but promise something?
Never ever, come between her and her friends. Being boy friends or girl friends, don`t get between. She wants to go out, let her. But as possible as you can, go with her. That`s all. And you`re not an idiot.

i might sound like a doosh, but she doesnt have a lot of friends, she has a couple close ones, but shes really shy.. and we spend like every weekend together..

Jayde* wrote:
Hey, don’t feel like an idiot! You’re definitly not. Alot of people go through this all the time. The whole crazy in love deal. As long as you both are generally happy then you don’t need to worry. Just don’t rely on her to be the support. You need to do that for yourself. If one day (not saying it will just saying) things go wrong and everything is messed up then like the others said, you’ll fall hard. The more relied on her the harder it’ll be to get back up. If you’re with her as much as possible then trust me that’ll be good enough. You don’t need every minute of the day. A little space is good in relationships.

hey jayde, thanks : )
i still feel like an idiot.. and things will probably go wrong, i know that.. i agree that space can be good, but i miss her whenever im not around her..

theoratica wrote:
Here’s a guy-to-guy advice, based on personal experience: you have two options, 1) being clingy, 2) being cool about it.

Being Clingy: con: she’ll get tired of you, and she’ll break up with you leaving you with a broken heart. Pro: you’ll know sooner than later if she likes you as much as you do up to that point, the point until which she’s had a chance to know you.

Being cool: you get to know her more, she’ll get to know you more, you’ll come off more mature, and she’ll gravitate more towards you. That means you have to have strong self control to ensure you don’t turn clingy.

Hope this helped.

hey thanks : )
we know each other really well, i think.. shes shy but has gotten really comfortable around me, and i can tell with her behavior… im trying not to be clingy, and ive thought about that, but she always says she misses me too and stuff, so…? i dont know..

thanks for the great responses everybody, i really appreciate it : )
this weekend is our 6 month anniversary, and we’ve spent like every weekend together since we were officially together, and i saw her for a couple weeks before that.. i dont know, maybe that helps??

thanks jayde : )
i do keep myself busy, but my thoughts almost always drift to her.. i get what you’re saying though, that’s kinda what i thought i should try to do, but not being clingy is kinda hard to measure, so its hard to tell if i am or not..

Jayde* wrote:

bluflames83 wrote:
thanks jayde : )
i do keep myself busy, but my thoughts almost always drift to her.. i get what you’re saying though, that’s kinda what i thought i should try to do, but not being clingy is kinda hard to measure, so its hard to tell if i am or not..

Yeah, i see what your saying. But if you’re being clingy she’ll give you signs. like maybe spacing you too out, picking fights, idk theres more but i can’t exactly think right now lol. Just try not to get too down about it.

You know, i’ve known you all this time and i still don’t know you name. (you don’t have to tell me if it;s a secret lol)

ok thanks : )… so if she says “awww” when i say i miss her followed by “i miss you too” then im not being too clingy?? what would “spacing you too out” mean??
yeah… a lot of people here don’t know my name, but it’s adam : )

olivia christine wrote:
bluflames-
I know, (in my opinion, at least) if the person I was with was sad all the time I wasn’t around them because I was working or at school or off doing things I needed to do, I’d feel as if I was failing them. I’d start cutting back school hours and what not, and calling in to work.. possibly lose my job and start failing classes because I would be spending time with them so they wouldn’t be sad all the time. It’s okay to
miss them, just learn to control it better and enjoy the time you do share with them.

you don’t want her to miss out on things in life that she needs to do, do you?

thanks olivia : ).. i had actually never thought of that at all.. but i think if she had to do something really important, she would do it, and spend time with me later : )

ok great Mel : )
like i said, a lot of people here don’t know my name, like maybe 3 or 4 including you now?? don’t worry about it.. i like the name Mel.. there’s a Mel in my judo class….

Jayde* wrote:
Lol, it.s short for Melissa… but i don’t like that name too much for some reason haha sounds too formal xP

i like melissa too, but it thought it was short for melanie : )

Jayde* wrote:

bluflames83 wrote:

Jayde* wrote:
Lol, it.s short for Melissa… but i don’t like that name too much for some reason haha sounds too formal xP

i like melissa too, but it thought it was short for melanie : )

Lol, yepp everyone thinks that. So are you feeling better about your whole girlfriend situation or do you think your still an idiot? (which your not)

umm i dont know.. im feeling better but at the same time, i still feel like an idiot, its not as big a deal as it was before though : )

Jayde* wrote:
Well thats good. You shouldn’t feel like an idiot for loving someone.

its not really that i feel like an idiot for loving her, its that i feel like i love her more than i should for being 15 and stuff.. like im amazed we get along as well as we do, we never fight and, yeah… i would seriously marry her if i could i think.. which makes me feel like an idiot because most other teenagers dont seem to think that way…

Jayde* wrote:
Well thats good. You shouldn’t feel like an idiot for loving someone.

thanks for all your help and stuff : )

ChavyWasabi wrote:
Man, you are really complicating things for yourself. I advice you to stop questioning things. The best relationship I had began with me being completly neutral about the situation. I didn’t expect anything out of it, just let things come along, and they did, and I was happy. In the end we wined up being good friends. In fact, she might be the friend that knows me best.

I really wish you could stop being negative, because it seems to me your fears are not all that rational. Imagination can sometimes be a phantom of the mind guiding us into insecurities that shouldn’t be there in the first place. So you’re not like other teenagers, be proud of it. Most teenagers are really superficial.

Just take it as it is. I mean, snap out of it!… I wish I was in your shoes right now! And about spending time with her… you know it can’t be all the time! Why not take a hobby? It worked for me!

sorry, but that was kind of confusing : )….umm what things am i questioning?? i wouldnt call it a fear, more like a worry that i love her too much… i liked the phantom thing though : )… umm what should i snap out of?? i know i can’t be with her all the time…. and i have a hobby, i make hydrogen, motors, and engines and crap in my basement : )…but then im texting her and shes like “o that sounds like fun, next time i come over we should take apart a motor together!” so… yeah, we could make destructive things together : )… i dont know the point of that last part but oh well… thanks a lot for coming : )

Silverwings wrote:
I didn’t get to read the whole post, but, for a relationship to work, both people need to feel the same. also, if you are gaining all your happiness from that relationship, it will eventually dull, for the other partner, because noone has the ability to make another person happy.

Or I should say, noone would want that job over a long period of time, it would be too wearing on that individual.

You need to find happiness within.

That way, you come to the table complete, not expecting more from someone than they are willing to give.

no problem, thanks for coming : )
i think we feel the same, but there’s obviously no way for me to know for sure, like there’s no love-meter…
and like..she makes me happy, but she does that just by being with her..so it doesn’t seem that arduous to be wearing her down.. shes not my only source of happiness, i have hobbies and stuff, like i said to chavy…
thanks again..