This post left anonymously
this is not everything, it’s just something
I hate the way I’m awkward around people which is why I prefer to be alone even though I hate being alone I get paranoid people are listening to my thoughts I have to turn over pictures of people’s faces on books or magazines or photos lying around because I feel like they are watching me get changed or go to the toilet I want to become a Christian because I think it might make people have a better opinion of me and it might make them think I am kind or sensible or something I used to have bulimia and only one person knows and not because I told them I hate it when people draw attention to me yet I rely on that attention to feel like I exist everyday I feel like I’ve eaten more than I should have I don’t like any of my friends I am sick of being the odd one out yet I wouldn’t know how to cope if I suddenly began to fit in I sit around and wait for something or someone to come along and make everything better but never take any action towards sorting things out myself I have too many ambitions and not enough energy I am scared to succeed because it would just make people expect more of me and I am too scared that I will let them down I always cry when people are nice or show sympathy towards me yet am utterly numb when people try to insult me or put me down I want to have a baby I am failing at school I am sick of this village and I want, need to get out this place it is suffocating and strange I want my reputations to go away I want to start again but I want to move on and get away from it I know for a fact that my parents love my brother more than they love me because they don’t love me at all and I don’t blame them because I can’t see how they possibly could I stay up all night and sleep all day I can’t ever put into words what I’m trying to say when it really matters I talk too much and always regret it I am selfish I am unkind I am constantly trying to be something else I push away the people that try to help me then cry because I have nobody there to help me I got told to write everything down that is in my head because I couldn’t say any of it to the doctor, and they say Write It Down You Are Good At Writing but I’m no good at writing my thoughts and that is why I am posting this anonymously on a website and I’m not going to give it to you, doctor.
This open post was written 6 months, 3 weeks ago | V/U/S: 189, 12, 4 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post
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