guy help: HELP. - Help.com

If it’s punishment you want, have kids with him. thats the childrens job not the husband. Frankly I think he deserves better than someone like you.

you dont even know me, and im NOT dating him.

sorry, that was harsh. Stop trying to “do” anything and just let things be what they are. A persons heart can only be held in an open hand not a closed fist. People have this ego trip thing where they think they control more than they actually do. Get to know your maker first then figure out what he built you for. The husband stuff will either happen or not but it sounds like tu imagine it to be something it isn’t or your just obsessing over it and need to just be yourself.

well somehow i dont think i’ll be getting married anytime soon.
not until im in my 30’s.

he wants to date me and i want to date him, i just havent got feelings for him.
so i cant date someone i dont have feelings for.

again sorry for being rude. I’m getting a divorce because I believe its what my wife wants. I’m letting go of someone I don’t want to because its the loving thing to do… I have been with her for 5 years and its killing me but what choice do I have.

ok too much info, sorry.

have you tried… stopping it from happening?…

Maybe you’d like him once you saw his romantic side? What harm is there in giving it a shot?
You never know, you might get a plesant surprise. (Life is full of them.)

yeah but what if i dont? i dont want to break up with him within a week…

A house divided cannot stand. There have been too many times where she has done things that could have broken the reationship if I hadn’t steped up to the plate and done the role of both of us. This one time I just couldn’t coz I realised(at least subconciously at the time) that she simply is too controlled by fear to tell me what she really wants. That is, to leave me. It explains all the resentment thats been bubbling up from her toward me and it explains why she could never even just tolerate my family…

well, it sounds like he’d be happy just to have that week.

It actually sounds like your the one dealing with the issue here. Scared it might work maybe?

Don’t let your head ruin your heart…

- but i hate hurting people.. especially since he’s liked
me for so so long..

- wow.. maybe instead of getting a divorce.. you’s should have a break..
settle everything down.. work it out. and leave it a few weeks / months then see how it is…
it’s better then just stopping everything and never knowing..

im not scared. not at all. i just want to like him back and im not sure how.

I don’t know what she is doing and I’m too afraid to look….

Pain is a fact of life and it can be a healthy thing too

maybe as her husband.. and friend.. you should.

I think the real question here is: why doesn’t she?

maybe she’s going through a horrible time.
something terrible has happened
and she cant tell anyone it
not even you
so she does these things..

i gotta go, its late here (australia), but uhh.. i hope.. i kinda.. helped.
and good luck.. nice speaking with you.

I’m in aus too

yeah, good luck with your thing.

I date him if I where you, it’s not like your getting married to him or anything…

i know… i’m 16.. so you probably think
“yeah whatever, teenage things”
but its not like that,
im mature for my age, trust me on that…

i really hope things work out for you and your wife…

This isn’t Chiara is it?
I know this may sound random, but I think I know this poster…

errrm no.

I know that wisdom doesn’t just come with age. Thankyou. (read Job someday :P)

Oh sorry, you just really sound like a friend of mine and her name is Chiara. She is having the same problems as you and plus, she lives in Sydney, Australia. Sorry for being buggy ^^

nope, im not from sydney, but i am from australia.
and thats okay =]

Cool.
And again, sorry.
So, you like a guy, but you are scrared to ask him out?
Or, you like a guy, but cannot learn to like him in that special way?

yeah, he likes / loves me, and he’s pretty much perfect,
but i cant seem to like him in that way, and i want to!

Wow. This REALLY sounds like my friend’s problem. Sorry, it is just so…weird.
So has he said the he loves or likes you?

yep. he has.

ps: i was in sydney in january hahaha

So what your saying is you met a good guy but he’s not for you, he’s for someone else and you don’t understand (in your head) yet that that’s just the way it is? That you don’t control your own heart?

Anonymous wrote:
ps: i was in sydney in january hahaha

me too…used to live there… actually, I went through something similar when I was your age (but I was the poor boy)

errrm.. kinda

Did you enjoy Sydney? See the Opera House and Harbour Bridge?

Okay, so he has said it to your face. That is a start. Have you given the guy a chance. And if you have, maybe just talk to him. Explain how you think he is charming and lovely, but you just cannot date him. You say it with a heavy heart, that you love him, but you are not IN love with him.
Does this help?

oh please dont say that!

Anonymous wrote:
Did you enjoy Sydney? See the Opera House and Harbour Bridge?

Okay, so he has said it to your face. That is a start. Have you given the guy a chance. And if you have, maybe just talk to him. Explain how you think he is charming and lovely, but you just cannot date him. You say it with a heavy heart, that you love him, but you are not IN love with him.
Does this help?

You’ll just confuse the poor boy!

i sure did :D

no we’re just friends, but hes told me loads of times how much
i mean to him and he likes me.
i havent dated him incase i cant bring myself to like him like that
then i’d have to dump him and i’d feel horrible..

and if it was just a week then you’d likly end up friends anyway!

the_elephant_man2 wrote:
oh please dont say that!
You’ll just confuse the poor boy!

You don’t really make much sense here…?

Can I tell you what I think it really is?

we’re already good friends though haha.

Either you like him or not.

You’d give it a try if he was half of what you say he is provided something isn’t paralysing your natural reasoning. I.E.- FEAR.

So the question is: what are you afraid of?

Just because you date him, but then dump him, doesn’t mean you have to feel bad. I say date him. See if you actually are not meant to be, or if you are just scared. But, tell him before you start dating that if it doesn’t work out, that you want to stay friends after. That way you can see if it works. If it does, yay! If it doesn’t, then just stay friends. Tell him you are like going to ‘experiment’ with him, and see ehat happens.

I am not “afraid” of the relationship.
I’m trying to explain that I WANT to date him
I WANT to like him like that
but I CANT bring myself to have feelings for him.
and there’s no point dating someone I don’t like,
but I WANT to like him, so I’m asking people what I should
do to get those feelings.

and that’s not to say your reaction isn’t reasinable either. your young and maybe you’d love to spend your life with him but you feel it would be too early? Or maybe your not ready for a relationship you would want to have with him?

i’m ready for a relationship, he helped me get over my previous one,
he’s been there for me through everything.
i want to love him, but i cant seem to which i hate.
im not talking “spend the rest of my life with him” type thing.
just for now

You cannot just make those feeling happen. They need to naturally. If they don’t come along almost every time you see him, or speak to him, then I am sorry, but you don’t actually have feelings for him in he loving sense. And there is nothing you can do about it.

well, then thats easy to answer. You don’t always get what you want and you don’t “get” feelings; Your “given” them.

grr.. alright then.. i wish i could like him, but i guess
i’ll have to wait.

thank you for your time (=

Glad to help :)
But yes, you cannot just make these feelings happen for him.
If you really want to date him, then fake it.

It sounds like you struggle with where your heart should act and where your head should. Just trust ur intuition and role with the punches. There are adults out there that are still struggling with this question so consider yourself lucky to have had this one spelt out for you. Maybe if you stopped “trying” to feel something, you’d find you actually DO feel something. Or maybe you won’t.

okay.. well thank you both.. but before i could..
should i or shouldn’t i, go out with him?
give him a chance?

you need to answer that question coz it will stick with you for the rest of your life either way by the sounds of it.

Like I said previously. Go out and try it with him. See if something happens.

alright. ill give it a shot.

thanks guys.
and good luck to both of you,
with problems that happen.

ill try and help :) byebye

But be cautious. Take precautions. Explain to him how you feel and what you intend to find the answer to during the dating time.

Bye!

thankyou :)

why is this urgent?

i’m sorry to say but you can’t make yourself love someone and no one can make you love them. it just happens. no matter how hard you try. and lets just say you start dating this person because you know they are so great but your heart doesn’t really belong to him.. when someone else does come along in life who your heart does belong to.. in the end it will just hurt you both.. try not to push or rush things. things happen for a reason and things take place when they need to. If it doesn’t work out, you at least know you’ll have a great friend no matter what.

i was in this exact situation until my mate told me to give him a week and if i still felt the same to finish it so thats what i done gave him the week and im glad i did because he was the one i wanted (sopy i know but true) been with him ever since (4years now :) and still love him to bits…

If you don’t like someone, perfect or not, not persue it. The right one with all the right attributes will come along

hmm. okay thanks everyone =]

i think u have a difficulty to like him because you already know his heart/feeling too early so it’s too easy for you, that u’re not interesting to be with him anymore, and you’re 16… imagine if u like someone but u don’t know his feeling to you, it’s more interesting to get his heart than to get someone’s heart that u already know, not fun… so what i’m saying was, date as many guys as u like, u still young anyway don’t think too much, and u will realize and find someone special in love before u reach 30… good luck!

wow, nice ^_^

I didn’t have time to read all 70 some replies, but…

Sorry, didn’t mean to hit reply.

but…

is your name Erin? caused it is EXACTLY what a friend of mine is going through I think.

no it’s not erin haha.

You cant force yourself to like some if you don’t,
You cant even cant force to people to fall in love.

Talk to him about it and me up front and honest.
Just tell him that you need time, OR start dating him maybe then you`ll start falling for him.

i think im starting to like him now anyway, which is heaps good. but thank you!

No problem !

HIGHEST wrote:
Talk to him about it and me up front and honest.
Just tell him that you need time, OR start dating him maybe then you`ll start falling for him.

That is exactly What I would say. Tell him the truth, warn him that it’s short term , like 2 weeks, just as a trial. See how it goes. Update him two weeks later to tell him what you think/feel. You might start to really like him. It happened for me. He was so sweet, kind, helpful and caring. I could I NOT love that?! 12 yrs later and we are still together and treat each other well.

awwww. well hopefully this turns out well

woow… here’s an idea- dont date him if you dont like him. I wouldnt want someone to date me out of pity and have to force themself to like me. Thats not even fair to him. If you dont like him, dont date him. Stop being selfish and let him go find someone else who actually WANTS to date him and who is worthy of his time.

Anonymous wrote:
woow… here’s an idea- dont date him if you dont like him. I wouldnt want someone to date me out of pity and have to force themself to like me. Thats not even fair to him. If you dont like him, dont date him. Stop being selfish and let him go find someone else who actually WANTS to date him and who is worthy of his time.

this website is called help.com
not BeAB!tch.com.

It is important to follow your heart. You cannot force yourself to like or love someone because in the end you both turn out getting hurt. Just be up front with him and let him know that although he is a great guy, you just are not feeling the same about him as he is you. It is ok to just want to be friends with him. I am not pretending to know your age, but I am wondering if you are still young and wanting to be able to experience the world and what else is out there besides just love! But in the end, just remember you need to do what is best for you and follow your heart! I wish you the best!