girl help: Recently I’ve been feeling rejection/jealousy/insecurity I get every time my girlfriend goes out with her classmates. - Help.com



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Recently I’ve been feeling rejection/jealousy/insecurity I get every time my girlfriend goes out with her classmates.

Since we’ve been together, my social life seems to have waned a bit, but since her’s is centered around her class (foreign language program) there has been no change.

Now this isn’t totally my fault. Since my best friend moved off campus we’ve hung out far less often, don’t get dinner as much, and don’t go out every single weekend. But at the same time I’ve also seen less of my other friends as well. On any given night I am quit sure I could find something to do, but between wanting the girlfriend’s attention and wanting to go out with people I like (for example, many of her classmates) it is difficult.
Another complicating issue is that I tend to be hyper competitive. As horrible as it sounds, when we go out seperately I wonder about who “wins” evenings. For example I go to a party come back earlier than her, she goes to a party, then a club to dance, and comes back later; she wins. This bothers me when I know she has had a better night that me. I really don’t worry about her cheating. . . more so that she’ll just realize life is more fun without me as her boyfriend.

I fully realize, that there will always be the good times. No matter how much I get in a funk, I always end up feeling great when we’re back together. It is a very dependent feeling because when I’m not with her I go through withdrawal. While there is nothing wrong with feeling great when I’m with her, I shouldn’t let that sabotage my time without her.

SO!!! Here is my question/request to y’all:

Pretty please help me figure out how to not feel possessive/jealous when she goes out.

Also a little background: We are both in our early 20’s, we attend a foreign language program that consists of only a few hundred students.

The relationship is new, only 1.5 months old.

I generally don’t have problems getting women, however this is only my second ‘relationship,’ following on the heels of a 3.5 year relationship that ended last August.

This open post was written 7 months, 1 week ago | V/U/S: 597, 3, 3 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post


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linuxya offline Verified User (2 years, 8 months) Long Term User Shouts: 15 #
An Undisclosed Location | 7 months, 1 week ago (27 minutes after post)

You’re still dealing with your anger and feelings of rejection from the last relationship. Recognize this. You’re competing with the last girl who you broke off with, not the current one.

Expand your social network. Force yourself to go out and do stuff with other people. It actually makes getting together with your girlfriend more fun… you have more to share with her, you are more confident and less clingy, you are expanding yourself instead of clinging to her and feeling resentful.

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Help me with: The problem with self serving advice
TheWarmth offline Verified User (9 months, 3 weeks) Long Term User Shouts: 3 #
An Undisclosed Location | 7 months, 1 week ago (42 minutes after post)

You need to accept that she will want to do things on her own and i’m sure there are things you will want to do on your own. You are her boyfriend you add something amazing to her life and i bet when shes out clubbing there will be times when you are in her thoughts and she thinks how lucky she is and that she wants to see you. Don’t be jealous theres no need, i know its hard but you need to accept that a healthy relationship is one where both people can at times have time on there own and do things with there friends.

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mikki_stewart offline Verified User (7 months, 1 week) Long Term User Shouts: 0 #
An Unknown Location | 7 months, 1 week ago (1 hour, 35 minutes after post)

You are her boyfriend. That means that the relationship is made of intimate love and friendship. If you challenge the friendship constantly, you will make boundaries that unappealing to your partners unless, you find another partner that wants to live in a very intense and competitive relationship too.
So my question is. Why do you have to win? So what if she does find going out fun? Is it really more fun than you had? She is young as are you. You are both supposed to party, play, and explore all that life has to offer. If you can’t find the fun in your life with out competing for first place with your partner what fun are you really having?

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