Choice Theory - Help.com

Choice Theory

This is a summary and my thoughts on a book called “Choice Theory” by William Glasser, M.D.
I am posting this so that anyone here interested in learning a new way to think and live may look into it.
I am NOT looking to hear how “I” could write this paper differently.
This is my condensed version of the book. I hope this inspires some of you to look into this book.

For my paper for this class I chose a book titled “CHOICE THEORY: A NEW PSYCHOLOGY OF PERSONAL FREEDOM” by William Glasser, M.D. I didn’t know of the author previous to this and it wasn’t the design that got me to choose the book. What got me to choose it was the sentence at the top of the cover that reads “Choosing the life you want to live and staying close to the people you need”. I was very interested in the idea of choosing my life, as before this it seems the choices we all make are fairly limited, this book shows us that in fact we have many more choices than we know of.
The book starts off by explain what choice theory is and what the common alternative, external control psychology, is. A point that is stressed by the author through the story that he backs up with cases he has had is that the only person whose behavior we can control is us. That is not said to mean that we can’t control others to some extent, but that if we do try to control others it can really hurt our relationship with that individual and in some cases it may cause physical ailments. The author through the book says that people depress, not become depressed because it is a choice that they unconsciously make. What he means by that is that we choose what we want and what we do. When we choose what we want in our quality worlds (our goals for life) we choose to be affected by events that move us closer or further from those goals. If my goal was for example to become a powerful business man, anything that happens to move me towards that goal would make me happy where as anything that moves me away from it, perhaps a decreasing profit or having to close a store, depresses me. The only thing I can change is what I do and what I want. I choose to want to be a powerful business man so in effect I choose to become depressed when I don’t move closer to my goals. This book focuses on four major relationships in peoples’ lives. They are the husband-wife, parent-child, teacher-student, and manager-worker. William Glasser throughout the book shows examples that demonstrate each of these relationships. About mid-way through the book Glasser refers to a couple named Ed and Karen. They come to him unhappy about their marriage. He asks them a series of questions that at first seem to be doing nothing but later show what he means that we blame others for how we feel but we know we can only control what we ourselves do. Earlier in the reading he addresses the parent-child relation with an indirect example. He tells a short story of a child who isn’t doing all his/her work but has an ok relation with his/her parents. The parents, wanting to FORCE him/her to do what he/she doesn’t want to do (homework), punish him/her using external control psychology by grounding him/her. Feeling angry at the parents the child does less and less homework, eventually doing no work and stops talking to his/her parents almost completely. Glasser goes on to evaluate teacher-student and manager-worker relations further on in the book.
I personally really connected with what Glasser is telling his readers. We all have at some point used choice theory (most often with friends as Glasser points out) but for the most part we live in an external control society. This book tells so much that I think we as a society really need to listen to. It teaches us respect, understanding, acceptance, responsibility, and so much more. What seems to make his theory work is that Glasser doesn’t give up. He tells a story of a man who is alone in a hospital with scared lungs that often has attacks that keep him from breathing. Glasser at first lets this man rest and go back into his normal room. The next time instead of allowing the patient to ignore him Glasser stays with him. The man having no relations with others wanting to stay that way causes his attack to become stronger until the patient pulls the breathing mask away and screams at Glasser “For Christ’s sake, I’m dying. Won’t you leave me the **** alone?” Glasser replies “No, I won’t leave you alone. You need counseling and I’m not going to give up. You seem OK now; let’s go on”. Needless to say they did continue talking. The patient saw Glasser a few times as an outpatient and thanks to Glasser building that strong relation with the patient the patient was able to overcome whatever fears it was that he had and was able to live on his own. At times what Glasser does seems cruel, but if you keep reading and see how he steers the conversation I’m sure many would agree that his method for psychology is a big improvement over the punishing external control system we use today.

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