Family help: Okay, here’s the full story. - Help.com

Annyia,
I am going to have to give this some thought. I promise more, but for now my gut says WAKE UP…don’t sleep just yet. There is much more out there for you. I am sorry you are so sad, and feeling you are alone but as long as you are reaching out you are not. Your post took great courage and a strong heart. You are loved here.

**** gurl…
thats pretty harsh life =[

bt do u got friends who make ur smile?

have u ever thought of telling ur dad how much it hruts living with ur mom?
since he may change everything for u
[law…. a child may not be ignored by needs, especially in a divorced family]
either hte spouse has to give up the child or the child is found a new home

ur brave enoguh to ignore
but thats not wat u should do
holding pain in is painful
i do it all the time

but i have to get it out and make things right

do what u think is right
let it all out… and see light

u can do it i beleive in u =]

hey, it sounds like life is a bit tough on you at the moment. what about friends? you don’t mention any at all. In times of doubt, friends are always the best. Try speaking to them…and if things get really bad I’m sure you have the right to move out of home when you are 16. try and find the right people and surround yourself with them, and just get on with your life. forget about the others if they are not bringing you any support

I wish I had something better and less cliche to say, but hang in there. You’re young and hopefully when you grow up a little more you’ll find people to really care about- because they’ll really care about you too. Someone once told me NOTHING in life is permanent, so fix it if ya don’t like it! You’ve got lots of life left, live it! Best of luck, girl- you deserve the best life has to offer. ;)

Im so sorry you have to be going through this but dont give up on urself and your life cuz your so much better than that you need to find friends who care about you let them surround you you willl soo be old and can leave you wil go and move on with your life and become a great person your to great and intellegent to give up…and theres always the police you know that right??

Annyia, no matter how many people treat you like crap, do not believe that you deserve it, or that that’s your lot in life. Your family sounds about as dysfunctional as any I’ve heard about.

Annyia D.B Hardwick wrote:
i’m home skled now so dont get to talk to my friends much

well go out call up old acquantinces but dont let yourself get seperated from the world

What is legal age in your country? did the doc ask how it happened? What did he do to fix it? I’d call the cops on the wench. I’d also tell them about how irresponsible your mom is. They might charge them both! I hate idiots!

Anyway, I feel sorry that you have such a bad life. Call your dad and ask if you can move in with him. Your step mom might understand and want to help, especially if she is nice like you’ve said. We had both of my steps in my home for MANY years.
good luck

I won’t lie, I don’t know how you feel — I grew up in a family where mom and dad were together and my sister is quite nice actually, although she was beating me up constantly when we were teens. I have no advice for you, just an observation. I sense resentment when you talk about your mother, sister, dad, and other people in this story. It’s like they owe you something (love, support, etc) but they don’t give it to you, instead being busy with their own stuff. Well, you’re basically right. Maybe they don’t care. Maybe they’re not interested in you, or maybe your relationships are somehow perverted and they just don’t show their feelings. Regardless, here’s something to think about — what if you can’t make them behave differently? You can try all kinds of crap like taking up alcohol, drugs, attempting suicide — just to make them CARE, but what if they won’t?

I do think my mom owes me a better childhood. She was at work all the time, she never knew what books I read, what music I listen to, do I have a girlfriend, what bothers me? We never really spoke actually, it’s like she was AROUND, but never WITH me. I do think my dad owes me something. Not only he never cared about what’s going on in my world, he also was the guy who made decisions about a lot of things in my life, regardless of my own thoughts. You say you learned to look after yourself at a very young age, maybe it’s better than have a life controlled by an authority, than being constantly judged and criticized?

Bottom line — I think you’ll have to develop some other feeling about them, other then resentment. I had to forgive my parents at some point. I took some time to be alone, think about what they did wrong, why they did it (”because they’re BAD” is not the answer, sorry - too simple), to understand and forgive them. You think your parents are BAD and don’t care about you? What do you know about their parents? Maybe your parents act like their parents did, and just don’t know how to be more loving and caring? Please understand that labeling something as “WRONG” does not give you an understanding WHY it isn’t right…

You’re still very young, I’m so sorry that you have to go through such complicated relationships while growing up. You’re not alone, if you think most people had great teenage years, I really doubt it. You sound like a very smart girl, and I hope you’ll soon understand that you can be happy regardless of other people’s problems. Just understand, that you are great, beautiful and smart, and if your mom didn’t tell you this, didn’t show her love for you — it’s her problem, not yours…

Well, my reply is twice longer than your post, hope this helps at least a bit :)

Dear Annyia,

Sweetie, I want to thoroughly read all of your other posts before I reply to this one. I’m also reading about your condition, Ankylosing Spondylitis.

I will get back to you, Annyia … I promise. Meanwhile, can you tell me if your Dad knows about what you’re going through at home with your 19 yr old sister and your Mom?

I’ll be back in a little while … -Aries.

Wow your family should be locked up. Tell social services.

that really sucks
but plz for your own sake - dont withdraw completely from everything
stay in touch with your friends
go out - dont stay at home all day
you cant choose your family - but you can choose your friends

u seem really smart and independent
like moseywosey said you could live alone when you are 16

Why didn’t you tell him? surely he will see the scar.

if your an insomniac, how are you sleeping all the time?

take a picture of your wound

and also if that should happen again
tell the doctor you were assaulted - he’ ll document it then

What medications, if any, are you on for Lupus and Ankylosing Spondylitis?

Annyia D.B Hardwick wrote:
i dont know the names of them but most of them r tablets

Are you being treated regularly by a doctor?

Annyia, read below. Does this sound like what you’re going through?

Fatigue In Ankylosing Spondylitis
As reported in our News Section on November 20, 2006.

“Fatigue has been recognized as one of the major complaints among patients with inflammatory rheumatic diseases.” State Croatian researchers in a recent study.

But what causes fatigue in spondylitis?

Fatigue can be caused by many things related to spondylitis such as loss of sleep because of physical discomfort. But it can also be a by-product of the disease itself.

Spondylitis causes inflammation. When inflammation is present, your body must use energy to deal with it. The release of cytokines(1) during the process of inflammation can produce the sensation of fatigue as well as mild to moderate anemia. Anemia may also contribute to a feeling of tiredness. Treating the inflammation caused by ankylosing spondylitis can assist in decreasing fatigue and anemia. We recommend discussing treatment options with your doctor.

Tip: Fatigue can be a big part of pain. In addition to speaking with your doctor, ask your physical therapist to teach you how to move with efficiency so that you may minimize fatigue and frustration.

The Croatian researchers conclude that, “…the intensity of fatigue should be assessed more frequently in patients with inflammatory rheumatic diseases as a marker of both disease activity and functional ability.”

How does fatigue feel? For our May / June 2004 issue of Spondylitis Plus, we asked our posters on our message board to tell us what the fatigue in ankylosing spondylitis feels like. Here are some of their responses:

“Some days it feels like wanting to blend into the sofa, so that none of my family members will notice that I am there and ask or expect me to do anything.” –Christie, Huntington Beach, CA

“I liken it to wearing a jacket containing 40 pound weights in each pocket, while slogging through a vat of molasses with suction cups glued to the bottom of your shoes.”
–Michael, NY, NY

“No amount of sleep will reduce the fatigue that makes me feel like I’m walking around all day with one of those lead aprons that they use at the dentist’s office for x-ray protection. It feels like when you experienced a BAD case of the flu - pre AS.”
– Tim, Phoenix, AZ

“I lie in bed at night and will myself to move because it hurts so much to actually do it. In addition, when I “wake up” in the morning, if I actually managed to get some sleep, I feel like I haven’t even been in bed. It’s such an overwhelming sense of exhaustion. Arms and legs feel like lead - and there is a sense of failure - even though you know this is not the case.”
– Crystal, Cleveland, OH

(1) Cytokine: A small protein released by cells that has a specific effect on the interactions between cells, on communications between cells or on the behavior of cells. The cytokines includes the interleukins, lymphokines and cell signal molecules, such as tumor necrosis factor and the interferons, which trigger inflammation and respond to infections.

SOURCE:
http://www.spondylitis.org/about/comp…

Annyia D.B Hardwick wrote:
yeah tht its not all of it coz i didnt understand a bit but i do feel like tht

Understandable. I’ve read it 5 times and am still trying to get the full picture. But the comments that the people make, describing how it feels … is that what your constant sleepiness feels like?

There really is “method to my madness”, Annyia. LOL. Your family situation has me so pissed off that I need to put that on the back burner for a bit before I give you any feedback in that area … so, for the moment, I’m concentrating on your illness(es) and doing a bit of research regarding treatments that might make you feel better.

Meanwhile, while I’m off doing that, I was wondering if you’ve ever made contact with this young lady:

http://www.myspace.com/jra_of_america

Just seen your you tube channel, i didn’t become an atheist until i was 16 so you beat me by 2 years;)

PART ONE:

Annyia, I’m a bit torn about sending this particular reply, because I don’t want you thinking that you’re being “defined” by your illness. Because that is so not the case. I see your sweet face in your picture and read your heartbreaking words, and I know that there is so much more to you than just your illness. You’re such an incredible young lady, Annyia … I wonder if you really know that. I wonder if you are aware that you carry within you incredible strength and awesome courage.

But having done some research on Ankylosing Spondylitis, and in reading your replies, it seems to me that neither your doctor nor any of your family have properly educated you about an illness that you are going to be living with possibly for the rest of your life. And this worries me. Especially since many of the comments you made in your post about constant sleepiness, insomnia and depression are all side effects of Ankylosing Spondylitis. You should know these facts, Annyia … someone should have told you that there is a medical reason for much of what you are feeling.

As you grow older, it’s going to become increasingly important to fully understand your illness, Annyia. As I write this, there are scientists at work making break-through discoveries about it … you will need to be kept aware of the latest developments and newest medications. You’re going to need to know what questions to ask your doctor and you’re going to need to learn how to get your doctor to answer those questions. (Sad fact, but yes, many doctors need to be prodded into giving answers that are understandable and actually make sense.)

I can’t even imagine how over-whelming all of this must seem to you. You’re in a horrific situation at home and you have all of this other medical stuff to deal with. And to top it all off, from what you’ve written here and in other posts, you’re going through all of this all by yourself.

Right here, right now, let’s at least end that part of your loneliness. (See PART TWO)

PART TWO:

I’ve found a website that I think would be a perfect place for you to hang out in. There are people in the website below of all ages, from all countries, who share your illness. I snoodled ( —- my very own word) around in there a bit and I found lots of info … but even more importantly: it’s filled with people who care and who will treat you with the kindness and caring that you so richly deserve. I included a snippet of content from the site’s homepage to give you an idea of how the people in there relate with each other. Check them out, will ya?

http://www.kickas.org/

The Ankylosing Spondylitis Support Forums

“Have you ever felt like the piece of the puzzle that just didn’t fit? Turn it around every which way, it looks like it should fit, but it just doesn’t. I feel like this all the time. To say that my puzzle piece fits here would be an all too perfect oversimplification of the truth. The truth instead is that we all bring our own puzzle pieces here, and somehow they just work together. Together they create some beautiful mosaic much more colourful and vibrant than the puzzles each of the pieces originally came from.

That’s how I feel here, like I am part of something much bigger than I could ever hope to be or achieve on my own. When I feel weak, I find strength. When I feel sad, I find laughter. When I feel hopeless, I find hope. Thank you for that.”

It’s a lonely feeling when you don’t really have a family member to turn to. I can relate to how you feel, as I don’t have any family in general. You on the other hand have alot to look forward to. There may be some things not going right at the moment but things will turn around as what we go through in the beginning in our lives is the measurement of what we will recieve in the future. You are going to do some amazing things one day, just make it through the best you can right now, it will all turn around.

At the starting of your post you wrote you are insomniac…and at the end you mentioned you sleep all the time….. quite strange…

k.. dint meant to say….that you are not suffering… was confused..thts why….
Anyways reading your post I fest that you are a strong person…. You will get out
of you troubles soon……….. Believe in yourself….

IS this what you didn’t understand; “Spondylitis causes inflammation. When inflammation is present, your body must use energy to deal with it. The release of cytokines(1) during the process of inflammation can produce the sensation of fatigue as well as mild to moderate anemia. Anemia may also contribute to a feeling of tiredness. Treating the inflammation caused by ankylosing spondylitis can assist in decreasing fatigue and anemia. We recommend discussing treatment options with your doctor.”

I can probably explain it better than that.

Here is what I took from it, in my own words:
When your body starts to swell, it is because of Spondylitis. When you are swelled, your body needs to deal with it, which requires energy.

Now bc you have ankylosing spondylitis your body releases cytokines while you are swelling. Now, there seems to be a theory that either A) the actual process of swelling affects many parts of the body. Those parts are responsible for your overall feeling of health. Some of the parts affected causes you to feel sleepy and being anemic. or B) or that the cytokines by themselves cause you to feel sleepy and cause the anemia. So both of those are a part of having ankylosing spondylitis.

Now, with that being said, anemia by itself will make you feel tired. Sometimes treating a symptom can help with another symptom, such as the tiredness. Whatever will help take down the swelling, as long as it’s prescribed, will probably lessen the effects of the anemia. Because the anemia makes you more tired, you will likely feel more well rested.

……..I hope that helped, and didn’t further confuse.

:D

OMG u shoudl go for help. see your doctor and tell him/her

:( thats a pretty harsh story.

Maybe you can try getting a boyfriend or something, just some friend and you could always ask if you could hangout there. And if your dad isnt as bad as your mom and sister you should talk to him on the phone, if you dont see him maybe you can just ask him to come and see you, that might cheer you up. Tell him how everything is for you, almost extactly how you just said it up there ^. :)

Annyia D.B Hardwick.. it’s not so much what you are dealing with as how you respond. You have the attitude of a champion. Don’t let it weigh you down, you are much stronger than you think, as viewed by this post. You are always welcome to come here and talk with us, or come visit us on another site where most of the true fiends congregate.. If we can help in any way let us know, I will add you as a friend and open email to you. Email me and I’ll send you an invitation to join our group, I know you will love them all, they are the greatest people you will meet..
Take care.. email me.. ‘b’

thanks a lot for replying to my post. i wish i could say something that would help out, it really seems like you’re going through a really hard time. i wish i could fully understand everything, but of course no one really can in life. it seems like your problems r a lot worse than mine, and i wish that there was some sort of way to make them a lot less so :/

Children, dont stop dancing………..crying out loud

Its a song and it means that no matter how hard life maybe for a kid, keep on dancing or staying strong… It sounds luike you are going through hell and it touched me tonite

aeolian mode wrote:
Children, dont stop dancing………..crying out loud

lol that was randomly random.

Lol.. wow.. :) you sound soo familiar.. like.. i know a friend in the same situation..
but.. im just gona let you know.. that nothing you get from this website.. is ever going to TURLY help you.. you have to do something for yourself.. i mean.. your a very pretty girl, and your smart.. and you shouldnt just give up because of the way they treat you.. most of the world is going to treat to badly.. :/ its just something everyone has to get use to. but you should try your hardest to become a better person then what they are.. and not just stay at home all day.. sleeping..