homelessness help: My son is homeless… and it makes me tear up when ever I think about it , hundreds of times a day.

Legato3

My son is homeless…

and it makes me tear up when ever I think about it , hundreds of times a day.
He is 27 and served time for his country for several years in Bagdad.
He did real good until right before he was done with his 4 year term, he was driving home across Texas, back to Ft Bliss, and fell asleep at the wheel and his car came to a stop on the highway, an officer searched his car and found a tiny amount of crystal meth, he was arrested, and then kicked out of the army, lost everything, including 40k college scholarship, lots of attorney and court fees, a few years of probation.
that was about 5 years ago. Since,He has had a few jobs, that don’t last, he has stayed with us, for couple years, stayed with friends, thrown out of two of his own apartments, and last his sister moved away and he had to move out. HOmeless for a day, I decided to give him one more chance, I told him so, i paid for a week long stay at a hotel in an area where there were a lot of jobs, he would need to do this all by himself, no friends, keep focused on filling out applications for jobs, etc.
the second night, after do job search all day, he got ahold of an old friend and the friend bought the beer and liquer, and my son got way too drunk, his friend stabbed him several times, then in the parking lot a complete stranger hit him over the head with a large heavy flashlight, causing skull fracture and requiring
over 30 stiches right over his left eye, causing skull fracture, and large cut over eye.
…………………………………………………..
He spent a couple days in the hospital, and they released him with a request from me to have a social worker talk to him about choices of where he could stay. She did, and he told her exactly what he thought she wanted to hear. Now I feel, that I hurt him by helping him.
We let him spend the night, and the plan was i took the day off work and he was going to contact those list of choices. the list contained church and mens facilities, shelters, and other places he could stay.
He and his girlfriend took off in the car just now.. heading to her sisters to help her sister with her garage sale, to hopefully sell some stuff to make some money, etc.
Right.
what can they do with a few dollars from a garage sale.
he is taking the meds from the hospital but he needs rest and care.
why did he refuse to get help from those places ?
why can’t he see past today, ?
why does this hurt so much, seeing him this way.?
he is talented, he is great at computor and design and musically a genious in my opinion.
yet he is letting all of that go to waste, and for what.
it just hurts.
what i need help with is i have spent a lot of money for the last few years helping him.
but i know i am not helping him by helping him and giving him money and paying rent and cell phone and car insurance and food, and buying clothes, and on and on.
can some one else in this world help him out?

This open post was written 7 months ago | V/U/S: 492, 9, 7 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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Since writing this post Legato3 may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. Legato3 is a verified member, has been around for 7 months and has 1 posts and 0 replies to their name.

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homelessness, helping adult children, waste of talent, pride stands in the way, he won't grow up (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

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irecommend 0 #
An Undisclosed Location | 7 months ago (11 minutes after post)

Your son needs help mentally. He should be evaluated. My heart goes out to you. I am quite sure he is a good person and don’t give up on him.

Sasha101 6 #
An Undisclosed Location | 7 months ago (16 minutes after post)

Hon, forgive me for being blunt here but…your son is making the wrong choices in life, for one the drugs, and next hanging out with the wrong people. There is only one person in this world that can help him, and that’s himself.Ive seen this time and time again, and while you continue to help him out he will never change and stand on his own two feet.
Yes its sad to watch our kids give up, especially a young man that has the talent to go far.
You would have thought the beating he took would have been the “hitting rock bottom” stage, but seems like it wasn’t. Until he hits rock bottom, and realizes the only way to go is up, he will continue on this path. Is there something in his background as to why he acts the way he does ? often times, people carry something from the past that gives them a low self esteem.
Have you tried sitting and talking to him, Im guessing you have ? Sometimes the future looks bleak and it takes a lot to realize your full potential. Don’t give up, just knowing he is loved will help.

Help me with: READ, LEARN AND BE AWARE !

luckyrose7 0 #
An Unknown Location | 6 months, 1 week ago (2 weeks, 5 days after post)

Your story is my story, with the added bonus that my son and I, and probably his daughter are all bipolar. He won’t take meds, he thinks he has no problems. I’ve set him up in apartments over the years when he was married and had the two girls with them. Had to. And, like you, pay a weeks stay in town and nothing ever happens. When he calls, my stomach gets sick. He is getting kicked out of his place today, I just gave him $100 to give to the “landlord”, and he says he gave it and they kicked him out anyway. hmmm… did he give the hundred dollars?

This stuff goes on and on, and he had also been addicted (to what?) To make matters worse, my husband HATES my son, always has, of course this came out shortly after we married. This hatred and competition between the two of them has caused severe distress to me. It is a looooooonnnnggggg story. It is truly making me sick.

So now, my son will ask to stay in our motorhome, with his girlfriend. I already have guardianship of one of his daughters and when daddy comes, it is a nightmare for Nana (me.) Lots of behavioral problems, with both of them actually. And then I go crazy. I don’t know what I will say, he will be calling soon.

It is horrible to see your child degradate right in front of your eyes. I notice that your son does not stay with you but a night or so. That would be ideal, but I can no longer afford to “set him up” somewhere. He has no job, neither does his bipolar girlfriend. My husband rarely works and all of this falls on me.

I’m getting weary, weary, weary just writing this. btw, my “husband” is really my ex-husband, we divorced two years ago and I took my son and moved him in with me, hoping I could help him. That was horrible too, and I had to return to my household to care for his daughter (emergency.) So, leaving right now is not an option, it has been seriously considered in the last couple of months but I have decided that this home is stable and with the country about to go belly up, I decided to stay.

Now, how do I tell my son that he cannot stay on my property and give him the stability I give my ex? I “retreated” in the last couple of months, kept my purse closed, at least that was my intention, to only support my granddaughter as she is my first priority. Why do I have to support my ex-husband and tell my homeless son “No?”

I have put in a prayer request, and will hope I can manage the upcoming storms…. keep the faith, Maryann

Your story is my story, with the added bonus that my son and I, and probably his daughter are all bipolar.  He won't take meds, he thinks he has no problems.  I've set him up in apartments over the years when he was married and had the two girls with them.  Had to.  And, like you, pay a weeks stay in town and nothing ever happens.  When he calls, my stomach gets sick.  He is getting kicked out of his place today, I just gave him $100 to give to the "landlord", and he says he gave it and they kicked him out anyway.  hmmm... did he give the hundred dollars?

This stuff goes on and on, and he had also been addicted (to what?)  To make matters worse, my husband HATES my son, always has, of course this came out shortly after we married.  This hatred and competition between the two of them has caused severe distress to me.  It is a looooooonnnnggggg story.  It is truly making me sick.

So now, my son will ask to stay in our motorhome, with his girlfriend.  I already have guardianship of one of his daughters and when daddy comes, it is a nightmare for Nana (me.)  Lots of behavioral problems, with both of them actually.  And then I go crazy.  I don't know what I will say, he will be calling soon.

It is horrible to see your child degradate right in front of your eyes.  I notice that your son does not stay with you but a night or so.  That would be ideal, but I can no longer afford to "set him up" somewhere.  He has no job, neither does his bipolar girlfriend.  My husband rarely works and all of this falls on me.

I'm getting weary, weary, weary just writing this.  btw, my "husband" is really my ex-husband, we divorced two years ago and I took my son and moved him in with me, hoping I could help him.  That was horrible too, and I had to return to my household to care for his daughter (emergency.)  So, leaving right now is not an option, it has been seriously considered in the last couple of months but I have decided that this home is stable and with the country about to go belly up, I decided to stay.

Now, how do I tell my son that he cannot stay on my property and give him the stability I give my ex? I "retreated" in the last couple of months, kept my purse closed, at least that was my intention, to only support my granddaughter as she is my first priority.  Why do I have to support my ex-husband and tell my homeless son "No?"

I have put in a prayer request, and will hope I can manage the upcoming storms.... keep the faith, Maryann

la4nais #
An Unknown Location | 5 months, 1 week ago (1 month, 3 weeks after post)

To Legato 3: Your letter moved me. I know who you feel. I too, will cry when I talk about our son. My 18 year old son is homeless. We, his family, live in Utah. And he lives in San Diego… Under a bridge. We did not kick him out. He left. He saved $60.00 for a Greyhound Bus Ticket…. got onto the bus March 9, 2009 without any cash and left.
So, you may wonder why he left. He was bored and he likes to drink. We are a nice family: no drugs, we work, we love our 2 children, I read him bedtime stories, took him to church (we are not mormon), Karate, swimming, PTA mom, family vacations …… the whole thing.

He calls about every 2 or 3 weeks. I am thankful for the phone calls and that he is alive.

This account has been deactivated.

fjjl #
An Unknown Location | 5 months ago (2 months after post)

There are plenty of places for homeless people to get help getting back on their feet. Unfortunately many of them don’t want to get back on their feet. Your son sounds like one of them and there is nothing you can do to change this.

I might add that you sound like you are making excuses for your son, for example you say “an officer searched his car and found a tiny amount of crystal meth”. So what it was a tiny amount. Meth is meth. Your son takes meth. He’ll be homeless as long as he is doing that!

My advice to you - forget about him. If he calls asking for money, or anything for that matter, HANG UP. If he shows up asking for food, money, anything, SLAM the DOOR. He is a man, he should get those things for himself.

This account has been deactivated.

rockrat5 0 #
An Unknown Location | 4 months, 1 week ago (2 months, 3 weeks after post)

As I am writing this he is asleep in my house for what is supposed to be just one night and this has caused some sever stress with my new wife (we just had our first anniversary) I have told myself thousands of times that his life style is not my fault, that I can not help him if I bail him out of his problems but I find that every time he loses a cellular phone I buy him another one while telling myself that it is so he can look for a job, but he never seems to look. He was accepted to a community college, given a loan for books, tuition, housing etc but he doesn’t even seem to make an attempt to go to the school. The ex-wife claims it is because he is homeless (there is no student housing available this term) and that he wouldn’t be able to stay awake in class. She wants me to find him a place to stay for 6 weeks. I don’t have any answers.

I ask myself, where did the little boy go that played baseball, football, went camping and hiking with me? How did he get to be homeless, living in bus shelters?

I found this site looking for answers, support, suggestions, anything. I just want him to be happy and I want the hurt, anguish and guilt I feel daily to go away. I can not let my 25 year old son ruin my new marriage. This has been a on going problem for over 3 years. When is rock bottom rock bottom?

drsheets #
An Unknown Location | 1 month, 1 week ago (5 months, 2 weeks after post)

I just ran across this site. Seems I’m not the only mom suffering while watching a son who just can’t seem to get things going in the right direction. My son had a drug problem and spent time in prison. Has a 5 yr old daughter (no marriage). Since prison, he’s turned his life around from drugs and is working, but seems like it takes everything he makes to “live” and then ANYTHING extra he doesn’t have (car repairs, sickness, etc) It really seems that prayers go unanswered. Please know that I really do feel your pain and I hope that we all get much needed solutions to these problems.

This account has been deactivated.

debbiedaniel6 0 #
An Unknown Location | 3 weeks, 2 days ago (6 months, 1 week after post)

My son is 27 yrs old and has been on a self destructive path for the last 9 years. I as his mother am totally drained, physically mentally and financially. I just can’t do anymore except love him and pray for him. He is bipolar, on drugs and thinks the world owes him something. He now sleeps behind a Walmart in lakeland fl. and just roams during the day. What am I suppose to do? This is making me physically ill I have to let go. I pray that I am doing the right thing, he has to help himself now.

debbiedaniel6 0 #
An Unknown Location | 3 weeks, 2 days ago (6 months, 1 week after post)

pray for my son Bruce Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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homelessness help: My son is homeless… and it makes me tear up when ever I think about it , hundreds of times a day. - Help.com

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