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Hi,

Does anyone have any suggestions on what to do about this? I think I’m feeling sorry for myself but although I recognise it, can’t understand how I can get myself to stop it.
I’m currently a 20 year old university student but depressed pretty much all the time. I’m doing fairly well but I’m still not good enough to get the career I want- I could do reasonably okay but as this is the only thing that I can fully control, it’s not really good enough as its the only thing I’ve potentially got going for me. I have never had a boyfriend and have recently realised that I am far too easy and only ever end up with one night stands or the dreaded ‘friends with benefits’ to put it nicely. I also have a very limited group of freinds here. The few close friends I do have aren’t the going out type and can’t seem to get any closer to acquaintances that do have an active social life (maybe because these people are single). This is probably due to my very defensive personality but, again, I really can’t work out how to change this. Basically I am energyless and am starting to not care anymore because I’m never going to be a success at this having friends and a decent social life lark and I’m never going to reach the ridiculosuly high standards to get myself a hot-shot job so I can at least absorb myself in this.

I also have another issue regarding eating. I was a real bad comfort eater but people will never know this as I have a small frame so people can’t really see the fat stomach I have. I tend not to eat to much through the day but binge on 1000s calories worth of chocolatey type foods. I’m trying to stop this but I’m really competitive so the only way I can deal with the weight gain is to binge then the next few days east less than 300 calories for as many as I can before a binge comes on then the situation repeats. Although this is allowing me to more or less maintain my weight, it is making me so miserable. I feel so bad after a binge it is unbearable but even when I’m about to be sick my hands are just throwing food in my mouth and I really can’t stop myself (i.e. comfort eating). My good days do feel a lot better but there is still the downside of being distracted as I am so hungry and of course knowing that a binge is just around the corner. I have tried going for the 3 meals a day approach but it really is all or nothing with me. I don’t think anyone will ever understand this problem because of my small frame hiding the amount of fat that is actually on my body. The main reason this upsets me is because me being skinny is the only thing I have going for me, as explained above.

Well, if you got to the end…thanks so much for listening and I am looking forward to some suggestions on how I can get my life back in order (not that it ever was in order thinking about it). Also I apologize for the lack of structure, this is me trying to coherently write my thoughts but it is rather difficult. Cheers.

This open post was written 6 months, 4 weeks ago | V/U/S: 111, 2, 2 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post


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Since writing this post Anonymous may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days.

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HelpBot offline Verified User (0 minutes) Shouts: 5 #
San Francisco, CA, US | 6 months, 4 weeks ago (0 minutes after post)

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deluxe.452 offline Verified User (6 months, 4 weeks) Long Term User Shouts: 0 #
An Undisclosed Location | 6 months, 4 weeks ago (49 minutes after post)

Hi,

Your problem is how you talk to and about yourself. You say “I’ll never be a sucess at this having friends”. This is “self talk” and we all do it. My advice would be to change how you talk to yourself. Instead of “I’ll never…”, try “I deserve good friends so I will be a friend”. Or if you say
“I hate mondays” change it to “Today is a great day”
“I’m worthless” change it to “I am vibrantly alive”
“I’ll never be /have…” change it to “I am worthy of the very best”.

All our life we talk down to ourselves, echoing what others say to us or what we think they are saying about us. How much further along in life can we get if we BELIEVE in ourselves. Think about it: what do you tell yourself all day long? If you’re like me you’ve found yourself saying that you “hate” this, or you “hate” that. That’s a strong word, we actually hate very few things. Our words steer us and we can choose our course. Choose wisely.

Think of it this way: you’ve spent your entire life telling yourself negative things. Today make a decision to stop and from now on tell yourself positive things.
Be grateful for everything. You’re in univesity? Be grateful because most people will never get that chance. No hot water in your shower? Be grateful for clean, running water and indoor plumbing. You have only three pairs of shoes? Be grateful that you HAVE shoes. Gratitude and Positive Affirmations work hand in hand.

Change won’t happen overnight, but as you change how you think and speak your attitude about yourself and your perception of the world will change in subtle ways.

I hope this is helpful, and that you try it. Keep at it daily and you’ll see good results. It is still working for me each and every day.

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