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I am not laughing. Although your writing style is quite enjoyable..
You’re in a rut.
Good thing is,Your honest.
You know whats holding u back, u really dont care for the life u r currently living. Drinking and procratinating, is only going to delay the problems.
Change is possible.
You sound smart… use your brain.
Could u not go out of town and see a doctor on one of your travels? Some expert advice would be a good idea.
First thing to deal with is the drinking problem.
Are you an alcoholic? Can u stop at just 1?

Seeing a doctor is out of the question. I thought about it. As I said, I was stupid, I am out of money, so I can’t even afford a treatment. In the past I managed to deal with any problem I had alone, so I wanna try it again. Seeing a state shrink would be cheap and effective, it would also cost my job, as it would be reported to my boss, who is eager to replace me. You know what sharks your colleagues can be sometimes.
I could stop drinking. I can’t give up smoking. I may be smart, and proud of my modesty as well sometimes, it’s just that I can’t find a motivation, or something, I dunno. I feel lost, you see, in the past I never needed advices, and now I just simply don’t know what to do. I have lost my joy to live. I should be married now, and at the top of the food-chain, career-wise, and I am out of money, the job eats up my time, and when I do have free time I don’t know what to do with it.I feel like a loser, complaining all the time. Anyways, thanks for your kind words, I will try to pull myself together. Somehow.

I think I am an alcoholic too. If I start drinking I can’t stop until I am knocked out.

Where does all your money go u earn?
Sometimes my friend u have to ‘make things happen’.
If u can do it, have a break from drinking for s bit… like a month for a start.
Smoking isn’t good but I do it too so can hardly preach on that. Is it just the brown stuff u r smoking or a bit of the green aswell?
Buga marriage… u can do that at any age.
You have got to find joy again… I I get the impression you dont get it out of your job.
Are u qualified in something that u could do elsewhere?

First of all, thanks for being kind, and trying to help. Believe me, I haven’t got that in a long time. People just say “pull yourself together” and move on.
The money goes on the rent, and the everyday living, you know, food, the car, taxes, clothes, stuff (I am not sarcastic, please note, it may sound so) The sum I could put away, and save seems so insignificant that I spend it… The real problem is how I do “make things happen?” I can’t find another job, as I said I am away most of the day, so I don’t have time during the day to search for something else. Well, I am aware that I am blocking myself by feeling so sorry for myself all the time, and it’s difficult to people to give advice, if I constantly moan back. There’s a change needed in my life, but I don’t know what to change. Drinking is just an escape, I would quit that if I had a goal, a direction, that’s what I can’t find. I was a very creative person once, with a wide imagination, and now I can’t even decide what to cook for dinner, so to make you understand things, I have some sort of mind-block. It may be the alcohol, but if I don’t drink for days, it’s the same. I just can’t force myself to have strenght to do anything. And if I see pity in people’s eyes, it’s even worse. They say it isn’t a shame to admit you are weak. Actually it is.
People will pretend they want to help, but they will just pity and feel sorry, and move on, content that they did their part.

And no, I have never smoked weed, and never will. I like my head to clean and sober, yet it never is. I do have enough problems with the wine and the beers, I don’t need the weed. It’s just the good old fashioned nikotine.

Moan away my friend. You are depressed, I use to be severly so. I know it is no good saying pull yourself together, you just dont have the drive to when u r depressed.
I can give u some natural and free ways to help fight depression if u like…
I must admit tho… I did these and they helped, but I also went on happy pills too.

Get sunshine,
Get exercise
listen to up beat music.
Dont fuel depression with depressing news, music or people.
Take a multi vitamin.. u may be lacking something.
Make a plan… just in your head or on paper of what u wish u were doing.
Without a goal or something to live for we can have no drive.

And understand u r not the only one who feels like this… millions do.

Please, then. I would much appreciate it. I really want to let the past behind me, and move on, if it would be just the emotional problem, I could handle it, but you see combined with my social and financial problems, it’s just too much. I just want to stand up, that’s all. I don’t live in the States, as I said, seeing a doctor, a cure would cost me more, I would dwelve deeper in my depts, seeing a free state doctor would cost my job. I want to be hopeful and optimistic again, as I once was. Long time ago, we were in a burning house, and I was the only one who kept a level head. Now I would be the first to panic. I was a hero, and now I am zero, that’s what’s killing me. And when I complain like this, I get sick and tired of myself, like now, and I go to sleep, or if I can’t I drink and dream crazy but nice things, and so the days go by, and nothing happens. You said you were severely depressed as well. How did you manage to get out of it?

You were once strong and u can get there again.
When u manage to fight this depression and sort things out u will feel like the strongest person alive.
It can so be done… I cheated and had help from my happy pills but I believe it is quite possible to fight it without.
Start by getting angry with depression.
It has made u weak,
taken friends away from u.
messed with your head.
and messed up your life.
You have to declare war on depression.

Are u fueling depression in any way?
the fuel for it is
violent news stories
depressing sad music
whining people
alchohol… well we know that one is a yes…
Dark rooms, indoors too much
etc…

Thanks… I do work and see a lot of stressed people, everyone seeking out solutions from me, when I can’t work out my own problems. Indeed I sometimes eat just because I know I have to, I am never hungry and underweight so I may lack some vitamins. Didn’t thought about this. Well. I will try. It’s just that I don’t want to force another routine on me. Well, thanks for your help. I will go out to a walk now, it’s sunshine out there, let’s try it, just smoking on a bench, watching people. Hopefully it will help.

cool, u need to put some good things back in your head. U r doing the right thing.
Make time 4 yourself, it doesnt have to cost a cent.
I think a long term plan or a new job somewhere else may be the go.
But first step is to find some inner strength.
This can all be turned around.
I will stay in touch.
A

I already am some things in motion regarding a new job, but I find extremely tiring, and I am often forced to give up. Sometimes I am aware of what needs doing, but alone I often lose track, or give up. Thanks so much, and I will really go walking now, sorry if I exhausted you with my problems. Can I ask for your personal e-mail, or would it be too much? Feel free to deny my request, I can promise that I will not bother you that much, but you see, I need friends, and right now, a private on-line friend does not seem such a bad ideea. Or anyways, we could talk here from time to time. Right now I have decided for that walk, after that I will visit my Mom, haven’t seen her in ages, we have our issues, two extremely stubborn persons, I inherited her stubborness, plus that of my dad :) if she will be rude, I will just walk out, and try not be angry on her, but I would like to see her, after that I will come home, and clean the house, maybe even cook something. I think I can do that. Today I don’t worry about me any more, but tomorrow I am afraid it will be just the same as today was. Anyways, have a nice day, thanks for everything.

Hi,
Good to hear you are moving forward.
Although tiredness goes hand in hand with depression, it could very well b that u r low in iron and that makes one tired. U need a mens multi vitamin. And possibly an extra iron suppliment as well.

Walking will be good for u, u need all the endorphins u can get since u are not going to get them artificially.
U can not exhaust me with your problems, depression is my enemy, I fought my own and now I fight other peoples.

Do mend bridges with your Mom. just understand when u r depressed u r highly sensitive and tend to push away those u love the most. Keep the visit brief, but visit her often if u can.

Cleaning is a great idea. Less clutter the better. have a massive throw out.
Make your home a santuary. It is where u r going to get better.

Eat a well balanced meal, Im a bit slack at this, but your body needs decent fuel.
THe next step is working on your though patterens… Dont say tomorrow is gonna be shiit. Say tomorrow is going to be better in your head.

If you want to remain anonymous thats cool.
My email is i> small>(email removed) /small> /i>.
Otherwise u can always find me on here.
Lets kick your depression’s arrse!
Just a little progress each day is great. These are the hardest steps.
And be proud of yourself for the smallest progress. You have strength within u I can tell. And I have tonnes. Even if u r having a shiit day tell me about it.
Ill be your cyber friend.
A