letter help: Would anyone be able to read this and reassure me that it’s okay, so I can show it to my counsellor? - Help.com

Would anyone be able to read this and reassure me that it’s okay, so I can show it to my counsellor?

Just for background, I wrote this post: http://help.com/post/268752-ive-start...

I’m going to see the counsellor again in a week, and I’m trying to write things down so I can give it to her since I can’t seem to say it. But I’m the sort of person who is terrified of looking stupid :P So I’m posting the letter here, and I was hoping a few people could glance over it and just reassure me that it’s not as ridiculous as I think, so I can bring myself to show it to the counsellor. I’m sorry, it’s long.

Here’s the letter:

“I feel stupid writing this, but obviously I haven’t managed to say it out loud. This is the only other way I know how to communicate it. The things I’m listing are over a period of roughly 6 or 7 years, I think. I can’t remember not being like this.

Things I have noticed:
- Can’t concentrate
- Can’t sleep properly
- Easily confused
- Constantly have to re-check things because I keep thinking it’s wrong
- I forget everything. Short term details, important things, things I need to learn for uni classes, and a lot of what’s happened during the past 6 or 7 years.
- Feel like something bad is going to happen
- Extremely indecisive
- Have trouble talking to people
- Not interested in anything
- Think about S and SH a lot
- Easily annoyed
- When something bad happens, I “crash” – reaction seems disproportionate
- Huge mood fluctuations. When I’m actually happy, it’s really happy. Then I always crash hard

Things I have felt/am feeling:
- The only way I can really describe my bad periods is as a sort of incredible numbness. It can last anywhere from an hour or two, to a few days. I wouldn’t describe it as “feeling depressed”. It’s “feeling nothing”.
- Tired all the time. Even the thought of getting up the next morning is overwhelming.
- Assume people think I’m stupid (even though I know that’s irrational) – because that’s what I think
- I can’t decide what I want, if there’s anything I want. Anything I choose will be wrong. Often I think it’s all pointless anyway.
- I always lose interest in things. I know I had an interest in writing, drawing, and reading – and I still do those things (or try to), but either can’t come up with ideas, hate the outcomes, can’t see a point, or feel like it’s a chore.
- Feel like a failure, like I’m worthless/useless, and that people find me boring.
- I hate the way I look. Everyone I know tells me I’m pretty, but I just can’t see it when I look in the mirror. I can find something wrong with almost every part of my appearance, and it’s all I see in the mirror.
- The anxiety we’ve already talked about, especially associated with using the phone.
- I feel like I’m blowing it all out of proportion, like I’m overestimating all these things and they’re not as bad as I think. I mean most of the time I don’t even know what I feel so bad about.
- Also, obviously, I can’t communicate it to people. I don’t even think this accurately communicates it. Though this links into the previous point about blowing it out of proportion.

There’s something else as well, but I don’t want it written down. I don’t know if I’ll be able to say it yet either. ”

Eeep, I hate it already :/ Thanks for reading.

This open post was written 7 months ago | V/U/S: 115, 6, 5 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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