parenting help: I am 52 years old and have a 20-year-old [step]son living at home who is looking for a job that pays well while he plays games or goofs off. - Help.com

Nope. It’s not. But he’s got it made, doesn’t he?

Time to start wearing the pants in the family.

No, I am 19 years old and honestly he is only doing what he’s been taught. It sounds like you or your wife has not taught him what responsibility means at all (or you’ve been trying but your wife gets mad because she doesnt want to make her son do things he does not want to do)

Just like gimli said you need to start wearing the pants in the house and you need to make your wife see that her son is growing up to be nothing in life. You two need to force him to get his GED (if he didnt finish HS and make him go to college) if he doesn’t like it tell him to get out. I am pretty sure if he doesn’t know how to load a dishwasher he will be crawling back and willing to do anything asked.

You need to talk to your wife one on one because I mean I hope she doesn’t want her son growing up to be nothing in life

I feel just like you do. Only a few differences. I am female. You are 20 yrs older than me, and my step son does have a job but pays for NOTHING. He doesn’t drive, so no need for insurance (yet, but will be soon)Everything else is the same. His father drives him to and from work every time. (not far, but inconvenient bc of the TIME he gets starts or gets off.)

I got mad about a month and a half ago bc I bought 16 litres of milk on the Friday. On Monday morning, when I went to make cereal, there was no milk left. I bought a lot bc we have 5 people living here (but 4 that drink milk) and it was on sale. Anyway, I figured it would last a week and a half. NOPE. Then, that day, since it was still on sale, I bought another 16 litres. It was gone it 4 days. That is 32 litres in a week. Do you know how much money milk costs?

His dad told him that he should buy milk one day last week. He did. He bought 4 litres. (We always buy the 4 litre bags, it’s cheapest) Anyway, that was Thursday. By Monday it was OBVIOUSLY gone. He asked where it was. I said that it was probably all gone. He had the nerve to get angry at having 1 litre gone per day. When I bought it, we used 4 litres per day! With a little baby, I need to eat healthy to feed her. I don’t drink very much. Maybe a glass a day.

I am not pleased that his father doesn’t make him do chores. He needs to help more. He eats all of our food, sleeps, works an 8 hr shift every second or third day, sits on the net. It’s a challenge to make him pick up his own towel after a shower, and to wash the tub when he is finished. But to his credit, he DOES wash his own dishes. That’s all he does though. His dad told him that he should cook sometimes. He laughed and walked away. I’m annoyed and want him out of here.

he’s gross anyway and never brushes his teeth. He shaves once in a while, which is good bc his beard grosses me out. he NEVER washes his hands. He has that hand sanitizer to kill germs. He goops that all over the floor on the way to make food, but won’t use soap and water. I don’t want him touching anything ESPECIALLY food bc I’m afraid that the germs from his job (working with the public and them handing him money) will get me and/or the kids sick. (baby included)

It’s annoying, but his dad thinks that I am just being picky. I don’t think he even washes his hands after using the washroom. I want to puke every time he touches the kids or their things. I always scoot them into the washroom to wash up. GROSS!

I wish you luck! I need it too. I will be watching this thread closely. I had a step father that I lived with. I always was respectful and always worked since I was 12. I would be embarrassed if I didn’t.

QUIT ENABLING HIM, create rules and enforce them. encourage him to wake up earlier…

I think its ultimatum time, you’ve got two weeks to find a job, or pack your bags and leave :-)
Your wife is enabling him, time to wear the panties sir :-)

To be fair, he isn’t enabling. The wife is! She gets mad when he disciplines. He asked for suggestion, not for people to point the finger at him. It wasn’t his responsibility to raise the boy, and not his fault how the boy behaves. The mother and father are responsible for how this kid is turning out, but unfortunately he has to live with the consequence.

Tell your wife how you feel. At 20, she should be able to recognize that he won’t be there much longer. If it comes down to a choice, you may lose her. A child and parent have a bond that can’t be broken, in most instances. Tell her that you want him to be following certain rules of the house. List them. If she doesn’t agree, discuss which points you don’t agree on. Then call him upstairs to listen to your list. If he doesn’t like it, tell him to find a new roof.

At legal age, he becomes solely responsible. Before that, you can make him pay for things. You must provide shelter, and water, a chair and a bed. There must be a working stove and fridge in your home. no other requirements, at least not where I live. if he has a job, he can be responsible for his own food.