Love help: Girl Trouble, I am only a friend

ronald999999

Girl Trouble, I am only a friend

Alright so here’s the situation i am in here…
2 years ago i met a guy, he was cool we became friends, not great friends, just school friends. I knew he had a girlfriend and now this year about 6 monthes i met her, in fact i sorta met her when she was bored of being with him at a party. Anyways we see eachother a few times a day and we always have fun and laugh and at first i felt nothing for her, just another friend. But that didnt last, ya see she was still with her boyfriend and she met another friend of mine and began to like him alot. But she didnt want to ruin it with her boyfriend. Then her boyfriend became an ******* to her so she sorta tried to latch on to this new guy and i helped her as much as i could. but soon i began to like her, in helping her i realized she wasnt just funny, she was one of the few people i can be myself around, she was artistic, smart, etc (sure u dont wanna hear that). I continued to help her get with my friend cause even though they would be horrible together i just wanted her happy. She recently came to the realization that he doesnt like her and she shouldnt allow him to hurt her by not caring for her like she does him and she got over him. I helped her through that, wiped the tears from her eyes. Now she is just with her boyfriend, hes not being good to her and she realizes it but shes still with him, atleast for now. Quite a backstory… now the present situation + question

My issue is that she is my friend and she is beginning to distance herself from her old boyfriend and I dont know what to do. Im unattractive and i dont think i could get her to take me over him. It hurts soooo bad to be only a friend to her. What should i do? I can give more details if it would help.

This open post was written 6 months, 2 weeks ago | V/U/S: 462, 11, 4 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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Replies (11)

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carpe_noctem 12 #
An Unknown Location | 6 months, 2 weeks ago (3 minutes after post)

try. be there for her. make her laugh. surprise her with little nothings and let her know you care.

ps
if you “unattractive” (doubt it) who cares? if it matters thats a littlem shallow and you deserve better etc…

Help me with: You want me gone so I’m gone.

ronald999999 0 #
An Unknown Location | 6 months, 2 weeks ago (4 hours, 41 minutes after post)

im not saying it matters, i guess i may have mentioned that out of a lack of confidence in myself…

mar98 7 #
Dracut, MA, US | 6 months, 2 weeks ago (7 hours, 1 minute after post)

well the good news is she is distancing herself from him. so if you do the right things she may start feeling something. Confidence is very important it’s what girls want. Be a confident guy, be flirty, funny, etc and things may turn your way. Just don’t be depressed when you are around her be exciting and have fun.

Help me with: Woman passes driver’s test on 950th try.

carpe_noctem 12 #
An Unknown Location | 6 months, 2 weeks ago (11 hours, 14 minutes after post)

be confedant. your probably fabulouse.

ronald999999 wrote:
im not saying it matters, i guess i may have mentioned that out of a lack of confidence in myself…

Help me with: You want me gone so I’m gone.

geewind 0 #
An Unknown Location | 6 months, 2 weeks ago (2 days, 14 hours after post)

Like said above do little things for her. Make her laugh, enjoy your time with her. And if you feel like you can’t hold it in go ahead and tell her. Just ’cause she has a “boyfriend” it doesn’t mean she likes him anymore. Best thing is to be there for her when you can and show her your love. You don’t have to say anything if you can show it. It seems she likes you as a really good friend, don’t be afraid to start flirting either.
And since she’s already your friend I doubt looks have anything to do with it. I know if I’m gonna wanna be with someone it’s for their personality mostly. Physically attractive is just like a bonus, If I’m gonna wanna date them it’s gonna be someone who I like to be around and is someone that is a good person. So don’t worry ’bout your looks at all. I mean I have trouble wondering if a girl will find me physically attractive as I ain’t super fit or anything but then realize that it’s about what’s on the inside and if she were to only like me for my looks that wouldn’t be a good relationship anyways.
So good luck to you, it will all work out as it should.. it always does.

ronald999999 0 #
An Unknown Location | 6 months, 2 weeks ago (3 days, 1 hour after post)

i love getting this advice here, mostly cause my… family life does not give itself to ever ask for advice, and my friends know her too and i dont want anything like that ******* it up, and i guess i have one thing to say about geewinds post (i dont know how to quote), i dont know how to flirt…

geewind 0 #
An Unknown Location | 6 months, 2 weeks ago (3 days, 11 hours after post)

Okay well I didn’t know either before. I mean I was doing it like subconsciously not knowing it was flirting… you may already be doing the same. But like complementing her is always a good thing… like her hair or something you like about her. And for me personally I tend to tease girls I like.. kinda just to like play around with them but that is also just me may not work in all circumstances I don’t know.
Now if there is all kinds of flirting like leaving little hints that you like someone, I myself haven’t flirted much but only within the last year found any girls I like. So I may not be an expert on flirting but this is what I either do or I’ve seen others do.
Heck I’m having my own problem with a girl.. I like her but basically am just not sure how fast I should move as I don’t know if she likes me, but for now flirting and if she is like really enjoying my company next I see her I’m gonna ask her if she’d like to hang.
I’m probably much better at giving advice than following my own haha.

ronald999999 0 #
An Unknown Location | 6 months, 2 weeks ago (4 days, 1 hour after post)

well i actually have been doing some of that, but i feel like if i complimented her it might be made to obvious which scares me, but good luck with your girl

carpe_noctem 12 #
An Unknown Location | 6 months, 2 weeks ago (4 days, 8 hours after post)

ronald999999 wrote:
well i actually have been doing some of that, but i feel like if i complimented her it might be made to obvious which scares me, but good luck with your girl

it may SEEM obviouse, but thats onley because you know it. for example, i got a new haircut a while back and some guy who i know doesnmt like me like that, (thank god, its like efron wannabe much?) anyway, he said it was cool. and it doesnt automaticly make a girl think, OMGOMG HE LIKES ME! it makes her think, “so he likes it, cool.” unless she likes you too, then its more of a, “OMG OMG I HOPE HE SAID IT CUZ HE LIKES ME!” kind of deal. but really, its like when you have a zit at your hairline; nobody can tell, but it seems obviouse cause you know about it.

Help me with: You want me gone so I’m gone.

geewind 0 #
An Unknown Location | 6 months, 2 weeks ago (4 days, 13 hours after post)

Yeah it shouldn’t be too obvious. I mean you can compliment her in small ways too, but more than likely like ^ advice queen said she will realize you are complimenting her but wouldn’t be too obvious either. Just like work it into a conversation. :)

ronald999999 0 #
An Unknown Location | 6 months, 1 week ago (1 week, 3 days after post)

I dont know why i felt it necessary to write this, even though in the end i do feel better, and i dont know why i feel it necessary to show all of you this but… here it is, i for some reason wrote this note to give her on her last day as if it will help me to get it off my chest far too late, some parts i left out such in the very beginning and the very end but this is it (plenty of grammar and spelling mistakes im sure as well as spacing is wierd since this is copied from textpad)

when I first met you, you were just tylers girlfriend, i did’nt know tyler that great, I just had him
my art class freshman year, it was at the LAN party and i thought you were very funny, but didnt think much of you,
being that we just met. Later at the German thing i gained further support for how funny you are but I saw how
you were somone i felt i had some in common with. Then we started talking on facebook which first warranted the
response “who the ****?” then i remembered you but still found it odd you were talking to me. I soon realized we
had a little more in common and i learned about your crush on Klajd, i helped whenever i could because you were
my friend. Soon after though i realized something, you are one of the funniest and smartest people i have ever
had the pleasure of meeting, not only that but in spite of what you thought of yourself i always thought you were
absolutely beautiful, sometimes your lack of confidence in your self veiled that, but i always just wanted to do
what i could to help you change that and realize just how beautiful you are, but most significantly of all i
realized what you did to me, you made me 100% confident to be myself around you. You will may never know in 1000
lifetimes how much this meant to me. I have always been somone who had to wear a mask, i was punished for being
myself around my family, so i toned my sense of self to its lowest degree, and even in my friends i had to wear one
for some, i loved wow more than i did, for others, i had a raunchier sense of humor than I do (yes i do get
raunchier), and for others still, i would have to be meaner, more racist, less racist, less mean, more in love
with anime, or smarter. You were different you let me be me and never tore me down. That made me so happy, it made
me finally stop having to carry the heavy masks, which is why i took a higher level of interest in you. It came to
a point where i started trusting you with my feelings more than others (though not on this subject because i
didnt want to lose you as a friend) and it hurt me to know you didnt want to be with me the same way, but i wasnt
willing to lose our friendship and the comfort i got by thinking i still had a chance with you someday. Since i
came to that point you became somewhat hyperemotive toward me, when you were happy, i took that on and laughed,
having a wonderful time with you. When you succeeded i felt like i would be happy forever if i could make sure you
were always this successful. When I made you laughed or helped you in any way my joy was bumped up to an invincible
sense of pride and bliss. When you felt sad i dropped to your level and wanted absolutely nothing more in the world
than to cheer you up and make sure you never had to cry again. when you were rejected by klajd, it made me angry
for not embracing you and counting himself lucky for everything you were. When I heard about tyler being unkind or
unappriciative towards you, i wanted nothing more than tell you how much of a stupid drunk he is and that you
deserve better, but i didnt want to make you sad. Now i trust you with everything that ive said here because you
make me feel like i can because it would hurt me to have everyone know this, this being the most vunerable position
i have ever put myself in.

So i guess what i truely want to say is

Thank you

not only for giving me confidence in myself, levels i never knew before, around everyone (especially girls) and
confidence in the fact that someday i can be cared for, but most definitly the thing i thank you for the most, is
all the expiriences we had together. I hope this does not make your possible last memory of me akward in any way
and i hope that if you ever feel sad, need help or even just want a friend i can still be there for you because
nothing makes me happier than to do this for you.

I dont know why i felt it necessary to write this, even though in the end i do feel better, and i dont know why i feel it necessary to show all of you this but... here it is, i for some reason wrote this note to give her on her last day as if it will help me to get it off my chest far too late, some parts i left out such in the very beginning and the very end but this is it (plenty of grammar and spelling mistakes im sure as well as spacing is wierd since this is copied from textpad)

when I first met you, you were just tylers girlfriend, i did'nt know tyler that great, I just had him
my art class freshman year, it was at the LAN party and i thought you were very funny, but didnt think much of you,
being that we just met. Later at the German thing i gained further support for how funny you are but I saw how
you were somone i felt i had some in common with. Then we started talking on facebook which first warranted the
response "who the ****?" then i remembered you but still found it odd you were talking to me. I soon realized we
had a little more in common and i learned about your crush on Klajd, i helped whenever i could because you were
my friend. Soon after though i realized something, you are one of the funniest and smartest people i have ever
had the pleasure of meeting, not only that but in spite of what you thought of yourself i always thought you were
absolutely beautiful, sometimes your lack of confidence in your self veiled that, but i always just wanted to do
what i could to help you change that and realize just how beautiful you are, but most significantly of all i
realized what you did to me, you made me 100% confident to be myself around you. You will may never know in 1000
lifetimes how much this meant to me. I have always been somone who had to wear a mask, i was punished for being
myself around my family, so i toned my sense of self to its lowest degree, and even in my friends i had to wear one
for some, i loved wow more than i did, for others, i had a raunchier sense of humor than I do (yes i do get
raunchier), and for  others still, i would have to be meaner, more racist, less racist, less mean, more in love
with anime, or smarter. You were different you let me be me and never tore me down. That made me so happy, it made 
me finally stop having to carry the heavy masks, which is why i took a higher level of interest in you. It came to
a point where i started trusting you with my feelings more than others (though not on this subject because i 
didnt want to lose you as a friend) and it hurt me to know you didnt want to be with me the same way, but i wasnt 
willing to lose our friendship and the comfort i got by thinking i still had a chance with you someday. Since i 
came to that point you became somewhat hyperemotive toward me, when you were happy, i took that on and laughed, 
having a wonderful time with you. When you succeeded i felt like i would be happy forever if i could make sure you
were always this successful. When I made you laughed or helped you in any way my joy was bumped up to an invincible
sense of pride and bliss. When you felt sad i dropped to your level and wanted absolutely nothing more in the world
than to cheer you up and make sure you never had to cry again. when you were rejected by klajd, it made me angry
for not embracing you and counting himself lucky for everything you were. When I heard about tyler being unkind or 
unappriciative towards you, i wanted nothing more than tell you how much of a stupid drunk he is and that you 
deserve better, but i didnt want to make you sad. Now i trust you with everything that ive said here because you
make me feel like i can because it would hurt me to have everyone know this, this being the most vunerable position
i have ever put myself in.

So i guess what i truely want to say is

Thank you

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