friends help: How can I become more outgoing and confident in social situations? - Help.com

I have the same problem…. im not shy completly but i dont know how to act anymore. But ive had it worse being isolated completely for years.

This actually can happen. It’s a type of intellegence - socail intellegence and yes you can lose it without practice.

I used to be this way too. But I didn’t like it much and it always looked like confident people were having more fun…

So I made a list (both mental and on paper) of all the things I am and all things I want to be. And than I made it happen…in small steps of course.

This kind of stuff doesn’t happen all at once. You have to take little steps, life happens in stages.

So make a small social goal everyday - I will smile and make conversation with a stranger today…not every conversation has to be a deep soul search, you’ll get there eventually. But you have to start somewhere!

Find out who you are now (because it sounds like you’ve changed) and become comfortable with what you think and your opinions. When you are comfortable with who you are and what you have to say, this wont be a problem anymore.

Just remember…small steps.

njwingat wrote:
you can go back to being outgoing, or stay quiet. i’m a dude, and i like a quiet girl. if you want to be more outgoing, just do everything you did before you moved. think the same way, act the same way, do everything the same way. it might feel wierd, but you got to do it

If you’ve changed, you shouldn’t try to be someone your not. You’ll just end up feeling lost and confused. Be honest with yourself. You can’t undo or unlearn the things that have changed you; so why not be aware of them and embrace them? Work WITH yourself, work WITH your experiences.

njwingat wrote:
i think i sboud ride the short bus, but it kind of happened to me kind of fast. sometimes i’ quiet, but sometimes i’m really loud and outgoing

I think you need to just embrace yourself friend! Sometimes your outgoing, sometimes your shy. You dont have to be one or the other, you know. People are not black and white - we are many things.

It sounds like your building character to me…

i was a total n00b last year in high school, but then i stopped thinking of myself in terms of being one person and suddenly I had, for lack of a better term, created a whole different personality. Not necessarily good, but not bad, either. Like, the person I am with lots of people is confident and tough and stuff, but the chick i am with a small group is who I was all along. People like the confident one better, though, so thats the one most of them know. I dunno. It’s really easy to be like this and be comfortable with it.

A one to one is not the same as group blether is not the same as a chat in a pub is not the same as reading posts on a website.

WE have to take responsibility for cultivating our own character. Personality is NOT static. It doesn’t stop at 16, or 18, or 35 or 78.

I really appreciate all of your advice and opinions!

there’s nothing wrong with being quiet, it’s just not who I am. I feel stuck inside myself! I’m trying the list of things I want to be idea. and I’m considering everything everyone has said.

thank you!

Be confident in yourself and believe in yourself and always be yourself, make conversation with people one on one and then continously build it up from there.

I have the exact same problem as you mate. Ever since I moved school in year 6 to a different high school where I didn’t know anyone, I have changed. I lost my confidence and tried to be someone I wasn’t. I felt uncomfortable and as though I could never relax. But I was a confident person before so I didn’t know what went wrong. I was also in a swimming club where I was the best there and I acted my confident self which was my actual proper self. I loved it. Then because of swimming commitments I moved to a boarding school where I found myself again in the school and I was liked by everyone. But the new swimming club I joined which was joined with the boarding school left me in my trapped state of not being myself again. So I loved going to school everyday but when I had to go swim training I wasn’t my normal self and I was always embarrassed and awkward around my coach and other people there. I was later expelled from that school but I’m not telling you the reasons..I think it was a build up of frustration from not being myself when everyone else managed to. So then after being expelled I came home and joined another school and another new swimming club to make a fresh start. The swimming club is where I now act my confident, and well respected popular self but the school is where I am nervous, can’t act myself, never put my hand up in class (whereas I always used to) and I am extremely intelligent too, and I don’t really have any close friends coz I cant open up. I used to dread everyday but now after a year I have got used to being my frustrated quiet self in school. I find that actually being myself in the swimming club equals it out and I can just about cope. But could someone please tell me what my problem is. I am 15, very intelligent, extremely talented at sport and when I am myself I act like a leader and everyone likes me. But why is it that sometimes in my life I close down and hide behind a shell and start acting like a no-one??? I would love to know because it is affecting my life. Hope i get a reply… my email address is i> small>(email removed) /small> /i> thanks ;)