life help: Please leave on comment on my latest poem (L)! - Help.com

hmm… to me the first part of the poem looks like a story about a guy who broke up with some girl and because of that he became a bit misserable or he realised what hes done wasnt right but she doesn’t care about him anymore.. and then the next part is the flash back to how it happened, and the last part is that he found out shes already with another guy.. hmm i dunno if i got it right but i bet its a clever poem im just not rly good at understanding, im analysing poems in English at school but we do loads of annotations to it and it takes me aageeeeees :P

Might be a bit too long for a song lol songs are more repetitive and have a hook. Not bad though.

Not sure about this line “It’s hard to see when it’s blurring”. I dont get why the window would be blurring? The wording could use tweaking.

“Her boyfriend is now unknown” could be “Her boyfriend is now AN unknown” but thats just a personal though and it could be same either way.

blurring bc she is crying?
It seemed like it started out with info on a girl and how she feels about the way her current bf is treating her. He is unkown to her bc he isn’t the same person that he was before. He is disrespectful. Then it talks about the bf, and how he is chasing the girl’s best friend. He is about to cheat on her and does. He and the best friend feel a little bad about it, but it doesn’t stop them. The light in the morning confirms that it wasn’t a dream, and the girl has to face the day. That girl’s hopes that her bf was faithful to her, but she doubts it.

Oh I was thinking “is she too close to the glass and fogging it up?” lol It either needs to say tears or have a metaphor for it for anyone to catch that.

:D Another good one, Stunna. I like it! Are you going to compile all of these poems and publish your own poetry book? It might be a good idea. A word of advice: Never write anything without attaching your name to it. Your web address works for that too. ;)

:) It will take you until the recession was over to get the work done anyway. It takes forever to get a publisher and to get throught the paperwork. Thanks for the compliment (lately I’ve felt about as sweet as vinegar, LOL.)

I am trying to sort too many problems out for too many people. I am a real grump beacause of it. My little brother is pretty much the source of conflict at the moment, and it is a BIG problem. He is so irresponsible. I feel used a lot of the time.

Here’s the LONG version.

refusing to:
stop being lazy
stop smoking
start showering/brushing teeth/putting on deodorant/get a hair cut/wash is clothes
start exercising
stop eating junk
stay in school
go to classes
stop getting suspensions
go home to where he belongs
stop hanging out with druggies/alkies and smokers
stop smoking
stop lying
stop trying to sort other people’s conflicts that they cause (ok, admittedly, I am a bad example to follow, bc I am trying to help him)
stop manipulating
get a job
to pay for some food
stop using people
start listening and fllowing sound advice
He takes NO responsibility.

He failed KINDERGARTEN. Then in junior high he was being picked on a LOT. My mother “home school” (aka let him do nothing and considered trips to the grocery store as math, social studies and personal develpment courses.)She kept him home doing nothing for two full years. He’s on the verge of being kicked out. They said to me this morning that if he remains in school, then that still isn’t a guarantee that they will allow him back in the fall. He was suppose to graduate last year, as with most of the kids born in the same year that he was. So basically, he lost three yrs of school. He is now in school with young kids, and he is nearly legal age. He feels like an idiot, BUT THAT’S BECAUSE HE IS. (mean but true) As it stands, he’s supposed to graduate in June of 2011. That’s 3 years after everybody else his age.

The SHORT version: He’s a brat.

To clarify, my mom was able to write small papersfor the school board to use in order to decide on his placement grade when he was to return to school. She had saved the few (probably ten) little papers that she had used to teach him small things on during the course of the two years that he was out.

He was allowed back at school, and bc he had done some work, but was still behind, they put him back by ONE grade from where he was supposed to be. He should only be one year behind. He should be graduating this June. He hasn’t even passed one credit during this entire school year.

He needs 17 to graduate. If he attends summer school, which costs either 200/course or 250 for two courses, he may graduate by January of 2011 IF HE FAILS NOTHING between now and then. If he takes summer school next year, he may be able to have a smaller work load for the sept to Jan semester of 2010-2011, which means that he COULD do better if he chose. The problem is this: I know that he won’t choose to do well bc again, he is an idiot. oops, that was anon me, by accident. LOL

WOW! this one is by far my favorite!

Stunna wrote:
wow… that’s really brutal. Will he listen to anyone??? or anything? Because he sounds like he has NO future for his life if he won’t even stay in school :( awe this must be so tough on you

Last week I told him that everyone is tired of holding the water for him to drink because not only is he not drinking, he isn’t even trying to lean over. I told him that many people have been in his corner trying to help him, but they are slowly turning away. I told him that “this” was his last shot with me. (”This” being last week hen I made him come to my house and sit in my livingroom in a chaair for two full hours in order to get a project completed. It was worth 50% of his final mark, and at that point was two days late.

He was suspended for Mon, Tues, Wed. (moved out of my mom’s house on Wed night…too many rules was his excuse).
He returned Thurs.
He skipped Friday, went to a wedding which was pretty far away for the weekend.
On Sunday night, upon his return, he was kicked out of where he had just moved to, which was a friend’s house.
Monday was my birthday, he skipped again.
Tues (when project was due.) he skipped again bc the work wasn’t done.
Wednesday was the same, only at night I made him come to my house to do his work. He returned on Thursday at my insistance, since his work was done. He was called to the vice principal’s office. He basically said that if it wasn’t for my letter explaining two moves in four days that he would have been kicked out. I went to the school and spoke with the vice on Friday. What a talk it was! I was there for about 56 minutes. It was an eye opener. That boy is in for a rude awakening if he doesn’t stay in school.
He stayed in school on Friday. AMAZINGLY ENOUGH!

I told him that I can’t have him as an example for my children to follow. If he didn’t straighten up, that he would lose me from his corner like he has with other people. I told him that THAT was not something that he wanted to do. Once that bridge is burned, it would be near impossible to get back. He promised to work harder. I think it was an act. We’ll see, I guess.

So now you know the rest of the story. LOL.
Well, I liked your poem. I’m sure that you didn’t think that I would tell you all of that, but I think I needed to vent. Sorry to bring down your thread. :/

*tears* thanks. I don’t live with him. I’m his OLDER sister. He is WAY younger than I am. I have always been his second mother, if that gives you any idea of the age difference. (over 10 yrs) I just don’t get it bc none of the rest of us do things that he does. I have done a lot for him, and tried to help him.

I am SOOO tired now from it, and the stress is really getting to me. I am barely able to sleep. When I do sleep, it’s all nightmares about him getting kicked out of school and being homeless. It scares me! I know in my mind that it isn’t my responsibility to help him, but in my heart, being his second mother, if feels like it is my responsibility. What will happen when my mother is too old to help with him? What happens after that? Nobody else wants him as it is. I feel like I need to help him so that he doesn’t mess things up for good.

How can I help him if my mother is constantly on my back telling me not to do this and not to do that? I can’t! She wants me to help him to be able to pass three classes. She doesn’t want him at my house. She doesn’t want me to feed him. How can I meet him to help, and have my own children without being at home? I can’t. I can’t take two kids out into public for two hours a night to tutor him. Where would we go? What would my kids do? I am not going to tutor him. She wants me to so that she can blame his short-comings on me when he eventually fails. You can’t expect for ANYBODY to turn a whole year around in a two week span Too many assignments were not even attempted. Too many projects not handed in. Too much homework not complete or not started.

I feel angry a lot lately. I have a baby that needs a happy mommy. I can’t be the person that SHE needs if I am constantly catering to the needs of an irresponsible adult. It’s just impossible!

It really did feel good to type that out. It was like somebody was listening and CARING. I need to pray more about this. I prayed that he wouldn’t get kicked out of school this past Thursday. It worked. I felt so lucky and blessed!

I almost feel mean, bc he asked me about a month ago if he could move in with me. I said no. (I can’t have his influence around my children.) He must feel really unwanted. That is so sad. :( :”(

oops. I did it again. Sorry.

Thanks for listening. I feel so…..I don’t know…..frustrated, angry, sad, TIRED, done. Thanks again. Have a good night.

Oh, I forgot to say: Thank you for all of the prayers. He and I both need them. You’re such a doll for thinking of us! It makes the world of difference.
May you be blessed a hundred times over for your kindness and support.

Thanks Stunna! It is tough work being the older and *cough* wiser one. Gotta keep trying! I haven’t seen him in a week. I think that he’s mad that I started to interfere. Too bad for him. If it will keep him in school, then I’m all for it.
Not much longer before exam time. I doubt that he will pass, but we’ll see. Take care Stunna. I hadn’t realised that I hadn’t replied to this before now. See you at the next poem ;)

Poems are from the heart - did you feel it??
To me there was no direction or no content.

What song would it be?? Probably a sad Irish voice could move a few copies.

beautiful