Is this a ‘red flag’?

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Is this a ‘red flag’?

I met a guy about a month ago. We hit it off pretty well from the beginning, but I am shy and he knows that. We have hung out casually about 5 times. Thing is, he is about a bit older than me, and also has a kid. I don’t mind either one of those ..

Well, here is where things start to get bad and confusing:
Sunday we had plans around 6pm. At like 3ish, he texted me just asking what was going on. He told me he was helping one of his friends put carpeting in. Around 7ish I just figured that the job was taking longer than expected. He texted a little later and apologized. No big deal. Then we re-made plans for Wednesday.

Well, Wednesday comes along and I get a good morning text from him, but then don’t hear from him until 9pm! He texted me and apologized, saying he got held up at work ..which I do basically understand. He does construction and his schedule is hectic and crazy sometimes. Well, I politely asked why he couldn’t have texted me and told me he had to cancel plans for work reasons instead of just making me wait around. He said he was just so busy he didn’t have time.

Well, this is where it gets more complicated. One of my guy friends (D) just admitted that he has liked me for quite some time. I have been okay with it, but I honestly think me being interested in another guy pisses D off. Maybe it was my own mistake, but I had confided in D about that guy sort of bailing out on me. I’m not sure how it really got brought up, but D claimed that his sister knows the guy I was interested in. D was telling me that he does all these bad things like smoke pot, go to strip clubs, can’t be in a serious relationships, etc.

I’ve been hurt plenty in the past, so I just flat out asked the guy if he did anything like that. Yes, it was probably stupid, but idc. He claims he does nothing of the sort and says he doesn’t have to hide or lie about anything. Maybe it was my fault for asking about it, but I am not going to set myself up. So, now I am left with the question ..Do I believe my friend or the guy I like?

Things to think about:
Seeing as how I am so shy, this guy has been very respectful. He has not tried to even ‘make a move’. He’s extremely sweet as well. He thinks the person who told me this info (D) seriously is doing it out of spite.

When I had told my friend (D) about the situation with that guy, right from the start was upset-ish? about it. (He’s too old, he has a kid, he doesn’t respect you, etc.) Now since D claims to know he is doing all these bad things, he says that guy just isn’t into me and this and that.

I’m so confused on who to believe. It’s too much **** drama. Please help!

This open post was written 6 months, 3 weeks ago | V/U/S: 205, 14, 4 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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sum 2 #
An Unknown Location | 6 months, 3 weeks ago (11 minutes after post)

Well it could be either way. Your friend (D) could care about you and be looking out for you but could also be trying to lie to get in with you by making him look bad and himself look good for telling you. Considering the guy has a kid, shouldnt you wonder what was up with the mother or the kid? Is the guy like married to her and still is? I dont think you would want to get into that mess if thats the case.

Help me with: How many different jobs are there that involve helping people by talking to them or just being generally nice to them when

Anonymous #
6 months, 3 weeks ago (16 minutes after post)

No, they haven’t been together for quite some time. She is already re-married. I’m not sure if they were ever married, but I do know they were together for like 6yrs.

ameliaearthlin 14 #
An Unknown Location | 6 months, 3 weeks ago (20 minutes after post)

I say ditch the older guy… red flag yes!
He is treating u like craap. And probably is seeing someone else by the sound of it.. possibly his ex.
Dont be played.
I agree with sum. Your friend will b saying those things more outta spite than fact.. but Where there is smoke…
Be single 4 a bit.. its so much easier on the head.

Help me with: poem..everything was perfect.

sum 2 #
An Unknown Location | 6 months, 3 weeks ago (21 minutes after post)

Well so the kid is in his custody? I assume that means he might not be that bad because if he did all those things he wouldnt have custody.

Help me with: How many different jobs are there that involve helping people by talking to them or just being generally nice to them when

sum 2 #
An Unknown Location | 6 months, 3 weeks ago (23 minutes after post)

Let me sit here and put myself in that guys mind and your friends mind…. lol this is going to be hard *thinking*

Help me with: How many different jobs are there that involve helping people by talking to them or just being generally nice to them when

¡ʎuɐɟɟıʇ 1 #
An Unknown Location | 6 months, 3 weeks ago (25 minutes after post)

Idk. I know he doesn’t have his kid too often, because he works long hours. He seems him on he weekends, but seeing as how I don’t know him all that well I don’t want to be prying into that stuff too soon.

Help me with: This is quite ridiculous.

¡ʎuɐɟɟıʇ 1 #
An Unknown Location | 6 months, 3 weeks ago (26 minutes after post)

Yep, let me be a dumbass and not post anonymously. :(

Help me with: This is quite ridiculous.

sum 2 #
An Unknown Location | 6 months, 3 weeks ago (28 minutes after post)

OMG I have no clue how you got your name upsidedown like that lol

Dont worry about it.

Well in most of these situations I think the girl usually ignores the friend goes with the guy then finds out friend was right all along. To bad this aint a movie or book or something so that could be the clear cut easy line, but who knows.

Help me with: How many different jobs are there that involve helping people by talking to them or just being generally nice to them when

¡ʎuɐɟɟıʇ 1 #
An Unknown Location | 6 months, 3 weeks ago (34 minutes after post)

I know. :(

I’m so **** confused. I honestly just want to forget it and not believe either one. Since my friend has ‘revealed’ that he likes me, things have been so odd. He will say he regrets not asking me out, over and over. To the point where it is annoying. I mean I know that sounds awful, but gosh.

Then I find this guy, who is cool ..considering I only know him a bit. I’m not trying to move too fast or anything. But my last relationship was so screwed and he has been the first guy to be patent and understanding and not try and rush me into a relationship. He keeps saying ‘You are what I want’.

Help me with: This is quite ridiculous.

ameliaearthlin 14 #
An Unknown Location | 6 months, 3 weeks ago (37 minutes after post)

sum wrote:
OMG I have no clue how you got your name upsidedown like that lol

Dont worry about it.

Well in most of these situations I think the girl usually ignores the friend goes with the guy then finds out friend was right all along. To bad this aint a movie or book or something so that could be the clear cut easy line, but who knows.

lol u r so right

Help me with: poem..everything was perfect.

sum 2 #
An Unknown Location | 6 months, 3 weeks ago (43 minutes after post)

Well just so you know “you are what i want” isnt the most special thing to say… break it down and its basically just saying he wants you which isnt always something special and doesnt point to anything selfless at all. It would be easier to tell if hes more trust worthy with words like “I want you to be happy” “i want to make you happy” ….. because anyone can say they want someone.

Help me with: How many different jobs are there that involve helping people by talking to them or just being generally nice to them when

¡ʎuɐɟɟıʇ 1 #
An Unknown Location | 6 months, 3 weeks ago (47 minutes after post)

Well, I agree. Lol.
I just don’t think he has a great way with words. I think he just means it in the ‘I would like to be in a relationship’ with you type of thing. He got pretty upset when he heard someone was telling me a whole bunch of stuff about him. He said if all that was true and that if he was how they are trying to portray him, he would have been already trying to get in my pants ..which he clearly isn’t.

Help me with: This is quite ridiculous.

sum 2 #
An Unknown Location | 6 months, 3 weeks ago (53 minutes after post)

I guess hes alright, unless hes a super smart who knows to blow off suspicions easily. Probably whats best to do right now is just step back away from the situation and look at it objectionably(if thats the right word, or something like it). Once you stay away from trying to be with anyone you can think if that guy really matters to you or are you just attracted to his mysteriousness from being so absent and think if your friend would be honest with you or not and in what way do they like you, a selfish or a selfless way or a bit of both? You should go to bed and sleep on it, sometimes answers come in your sleep. Good luck, i hope no one gets hurt.

Help me with: How many different jobs are there that involve helping people by talking to them or just being generally nice to them when

guster32 8 #
An Unknown Location | 6 months, 3 weeks ago (13 hours, 17 minutes after post)

Really red flags on both fronts-I agree with sum, back off and go do your thing and all will eventually be revealed

Help me with: Just want to tell you all that my prayers are with you that really need help.

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