This post left anonymously
I miss my lover so very much.
She was so much more than a sexual partner… she was my best friend ever… we talked about anything and everything and emailed daily … thousands of letters… phone calls…. I love her so very much… but she got very sick and while in the hospital under the influence of drugs and anesthesia, she thought her hubby was me, and told HIM how much she loved ME. He discovered letters, gifts, our nine month affair…
He forgave me, amazing but true… helped me during times of despair, my wife was eventually told… she couldn’t deal with it… I was forced to leave my church, even the lover’s spouse’s forgiveness and friendship was denied to me. I long to write to her, share my life, what’s happening with kids, everything. I am so alone. I have contemplated suicide in so many different ways and times… one a rather public display of despair. Now I must deal with that too. I would like to love my wife again the way I did two years ago… but my heart will forever be with my lover… until the day I die. She has managed to reconcile with her husband… but still smiles and waves if she sees me out somewhere… I want so much to just talk with her… share lives.
I see no hope in the future… it will be without her, and therefore I have no hope in it. I have confessed my sins, and asked for strength, but I don’t receive. I want to do right, but my heart is no longer available for my wife. I do not wish to dessert her or make her split our possessions… I just desire a friendship… I just want to survive… I don’t think I’ll ever make it.
Since writing this post Anonymous may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days.
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